A man walked into the office of a talent agent on the 72nd floor of a skyscraper. “I’ve got a great act,” he tells the agent. “Just watch this.” The man opens the window, perches on the ledge and starts flapping his arms. Then he pushes off and flys around outside the window executing intricate aerobatic maneuvers. Having finished his demonstration, the man flaps in to a perfect landing on the window sill and steps back into the agent’s office. “What do you think of that?” he asked the agent. The talent agent yawned. That’s it? Bird imitations?"
Hillary Clinton walked out of the white house one day and saw a little boy selling baby doves. “Oh how sweet,” she said. “What kind of doves are they?” “They’re Democrat doves,” said the boy. “Wonderful,” said the first lady Bill and I will have to buy some next week." A week later Mr. and Mrs. Clinton went up to the boy to buy the doves. “These are so cute,” said Mr. Clinton. “What kind of doves are they?” “They’re Republican doves,” said the boy. “Wait a minute,” exclaimed the first lady. “I thought you told me a week ago that they were Democrat Doves?” “I did said the boy.” “Well I don’t understand.” said Mrs. Clinton. “Well you see, a week ago when they had their eyes closed, they were Democrat doves, and now that their eyes have opened, they’re Republican doves.”
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A hunter sneaked up on a duck and was about to fire when the duck yelled, “Don’t shoot and I’ll give you a hot stock tip!” “Okay,” the hunter replied. “What’s the stock?” “It’s a company called Sounds Like a Duck,” the fowl replied. “It manufactures a duck call, and the share price went up two points last week.” The Hunter immediately went home and bought a thousand shares, figuring if anyone could determine an effective duck call it would be a duck. But just two weeks later the company went out of business. Furious, the hunter drove back to the pond to get an explanation. “I just lost thousands of dollars because of your lousy tip,” the hunter said angrily. “Big deal,” the duck replied. “We just lost our early warning system.”
Two statisticians went duck hunting. A mallard flew overhead and one statistician fired just to the right of the bird. The other statistician fired just to the left of the bird. They turned to each other in glee, and congratulated each other… “On average, he’s dead!”, they cried! The mallard continued his migration.
Two crows are sitting on a fence, when a jet-fighter doing training maneuvers roras overhead. 1st crow says wistfully “Man, I sure wish I could fly that fast!” 2nd crow remarks “If you had two butts, and both of them on fire, you could!”
Q: Why do seagulls live in the sea? A: Because if they lived in the bay, they’d be baygulls!!! – from Melody A. Chapin, 1/25/99
Baby robin: Give me that worm. Mother: Say please. Baby robin: Please what? Mother: Please give me that worm. Baby robin: I asked you first. – from anonymous, 5/3/00