Well.... We probably socialize too much (as a family). Every other weekend there is some get-together, either at our home or someone else's. My husband has too many friends, I have some too but not any that I can relax with.... most girls either ***** about their MILs or talk about their kids & their problems (and I'm not generalizing, 99% of the females I know do that). Oh and this weekend, I ended up with a group of aunties who were extreme cheapos and all that they did was crack dirty jokes and talk about things in sexual connotations...... so embarrassing ..... I didn't know how to react. I don't want to waste my time with such people.
okay so your social time is basically pretty messed up. I understand it because I have seen it in my khandan and also a good buddy suffer through the same until he had to tell his wife no more. one day and one eve a weekend is free, now work around those. You basically need better friends, and more varied social activities than the chai samosa and biryani gatherings that desis refer to as parties. seriously.
what you need to do is cut down on quantity of these gatherings, and improve the quality of your social time. better friends with a better connection doing things you enjoy doing. Essentially that may require you breaking out of the subset of ppl you are meeting through your husband and start meeting ppl on your own and you will find girls who you click with.
we on Purpose have done that, my wife and I have freinds who are couples, who we meet as couples and some that are not, and even those that we meet as couple, they have ladies nights out, they wil go out for a movie, dinner, shopping, whatever. Guys do the same, concerts, movies, wings and ribs night, cigar circle, plus diff sports, tennis, racquetball etc.
My work is pretty relaxed, I'm in USA and we do have flexi-hours but not flexi-days or part-time work. Not much pressure, nicely paced work and my employers let me work from home when my daughter is sick or if there are any emergencies. I never let work stress me out even when I have deadlines, not too bothered about it.... I have ample time to make my deadlines (I'm in IT). My husband, on the other hand, works 16 hours a day, even after we come home and his work is pretty stressful (financial targets & goals). But he's mashaAllah dealing so well with that stress.
good, so work is fine, employer good. quitting work is not going to give you much then, that actually keeps you busy doing something you enjoy in an atmosphere that seems pretty good.
I try to get some 'me ' time in the evenings when my husband goes to the gym for 45 mins..... but I have my daughter with me and I can't seem to focus on anything else.... even watching TV is no fun anymore (I dont know why, I used to enjoy it). So I just spend time with her, playing or talking or just watching a kiddie show/movie and explaining things to her. Then its feeding her, bathing her and putting her to sleep (which she's sooo bad about)..... and ugh, I don't know whats wrong with me. This has been my routine for 3 years and I was fine. I used to take her to the library and to shopping, I'm also not interested in that anymore. Maybe I need some change.... its just too monotonous..... same old stuff. I need to go visit my parents. Actually, now that I think about it, this feeling started in end of Ramadan..... do you guys think I'm too tired??[/qyite]
Look that is baby-and-me time not me-time. you need that. you just answered your own question there btw, you dont want to do it because its routine, and routine gets boring. and yes sometimes holidays do make ppl sad because they miss family and friends, and what they remember as the good old days. its especially tougher if the present is not satisfying so past seems even more appealing.
[quote="MIAinVA, post:23, topic:207141"]
Also, I'm sick of those weekend parties ....... I need a break from this social crap and we have to invite at least 3 more groups of people, since my husband has already committed to them :( I wanna run away and hide.
I am assuming when you invite these rewarrs then you have to also, shop, prep, clean, cook, host, cleanup etc. and that probably kills weekends anyways. I have seen it before, and really you need to cut down on it.
as your kids grow up it will be even worse otherwise, I have seen it in my khandan, every weekend there are multiple 'parties' ppl have, either to host or to go to. Now what happens is that these are mostly large gatherings, so guys sit in one area ladies another (folks please dont get on the mixed gatherings in islam part yet because I am getting to a point here). Now what happens is that the lady has little interaction with her husband and vice versa, kids are playing with other kids. So weekend family time is completely shot and it is hard on kids too. Weekdays are tough with work.
Time is a precious commodity, and it seems like you are not able to allocate it in the optimal manner due to your circumstances. Time to take charge, seriously. I am not sure of your domestic situation, but you may want to work with your husband and figure out how you can make the most.
PS: he goes to the gym, you should too, they have plenty of classes, new experiences, yoga, spinning, kickboxing, dance, it has physical and emotional benefits.
I feel like my life is in a rut… What do I do? I feel like I’m being naashukri when Allah mian has given me so much, MashaAllah. But still the restless feeling doesn’t go away even when I count my blessings.