Hi girlies!
I know most of you have faced the situation… I am self dependent, I even hardly asked for money from my dad… (even when I was kid) I tried always to depend less on others… and asking for money from someone (even from my parents) is something going against my nature, no matter how direly I need it…
Now I am nikahofied, would be married in next couple of monthe (IA), how to tackle the situation?! How to make your husband realsie that you need money.. (I could never ask it myself)
Re: Money Problem!
Dearie, the relationship between a husband and a wife is much more superior than just a physical relationship. You two will also be in a spiritual relationship, based on honesty and open ness to one another. If one partner has a problem, he/she should discuss it with all the frankness with the other partner. Some times I have noticed, as it also happens with one of my own very close friends, she initially after the marriage was so very hesitant to ask for any money from her hubby, even if that was for, which it was on many occassions, to be spent on useful stuff like fees for professional exams in UK. Once she has realized that there must not be any issues un discussed between a couple, her mind is far concentrated on things that do really need attention...one worry less and life is gone much easier for them now.
Take care
Re: Money Problem!
tashfeen, what was the understanding between the families? In some cases where the nikah is used as a better alternative to engagement the understanding is that the girl is not financially dependant on the husband until the ruqsatti.
To me that is an issue with such things, it should be less ambiguous..after Nikah a girl should go live with her husband, and ifthey are not ready for whatever reason then the nikah should not take place and they should wait.
anyways, you guys should go over finances together, income, regular expenditures, saving plan, play money, etc. That is a sensible way of laying things out and both people being on the same page.
Re: Money Problem!
X2 offers good advice as usual.
There shouldn't be any of this ambiguity about "asking" for money. You and your partner need to have a frank and honest discussion about finances as soon as you can. You should also express your hesitance in asking for money. He needs to know that this is not always something you feel comfortable doing and that you would like access to money without having to ask for it.
My fiance and I will be married in March. About six months ago we opened up a joint bank account and now share finances. We make all large purchases together and with the other's input. When he has cash on hand he makes sure that I have some too. Likewise, whenever I have cash I always ask to make sure that his wallet is not empty.
It will require a change in mentality on your part; you should not be your husband's dependent, nor will he be a dependent of yours, this should be an equal partnership.
asking for money is such a low job! I still take a big gulp before asking 
It is the hardest thing to do!
sorry i can’t help you, i am in the same boat as you
(Asking for money is the toughest - only because WE HAD A PAYING JOB before and were very independent. Once time off for kids and you have to start begging- Yikes).
I would rather prefer to die rather than to BEG!
Yes the suggestions are that valuable… the relationship should be on the level that both should understand the problems even without leting other party to ASK for money etc
Re: Money Problem!
Okay, the way Im doing it is by laying out our finances out in the open. Im just engaged, not married but I am talking about all of this with him because Im not working right now and he knows it. My parents are considering a nikah now because of the halal-factor (yes, I call it that).
He knows how much I have in savings and what my monthly expenses are. Whatever goes in and out is being discussed and I get to know about his $$$ too. What I do is simply tell him what the reality of the situation is. "Im not working, in school and will be completely dependant on you, is that something you can handle right now?" He says he can. Then again, just lay it out. "Okay, so how do we do this? Should we merge accounts so both of us have access to the same funds? Do you want to allot a budget for expenses and put the rest in a joint savings?" Be as open as possible - he will be your husband and you guys are a team. His money and your money belongs to the both of you.
^ oh let me tell you - although I find it very hard to ASK for money - that's just MY personality.
My hubby dear has tried to GIVE ME the BEST HE CAN.
"Tokna" is his job, because he thinks if he does not tell me about the spending then I will keep on spending. (he is wrong, he knows now. I have NEVER misused his money).
It's all in OUR head girl! that we have to ASK... Hubby's are not that bad either.
Re: Money Problem!
It really doesnt have to be a matter of asking. You and hubby-to-be should have a sit-down conference. "Ok, since we are married, its time now to set up the household budget, banking and finances. We need to arrange a monthly budget." Then go ahead and do it. Start with monthly income, subtract monthly bills and whatever is left, tell him what you think you will need. Its also a wise thing to have access (whether its ATM card or whatever) to bank accounts. If a hubby should become incapacitated and you are not on his bank accounts, you will not be able to pay bills or for his care...if he goes away, you'll be stuck with whatever cash is on hand and if something should come up, that could be real trouble. Its not asking for money, its arranging your budget yeah? And once you're nikahfied, its no longer his or hers money, its our money...
Re: Money Problem!
^ Exactly! i find it weird some women find it hard to ask money from their hubbies, it's not like u have no right over it, and begging is such a not-nice word.
Re: Money Problem!
Tashfeen
I always assumed there was a basic understanding between husband and wife regarding issues such as money, housing, bills, etc etc. If not then you should talk about it and clarify the situation. The number one reason why couples fight is over money matters so make sure your not one of them.
“begging” because you hafta ask… I hate asking…so it feels like “begging”
Re: Money Problem!
my husband gives me cash on a monthly basis but we also have a joint account for which i have a separate bank card. we do have a budget and i do not go over it unless i need too
alhumdulillah he fulfill all my needs , and i get anything that i want and basically set my eyes on
but at the moment he is the only one working so i stick to the budget and the money he gives me .
there should be no hesitation when asking ur husband money , afterall he is suppose to provide for u , and im sure he will hve no problem in giving you money at all.
Re: Money Problem!
well i recently find out that in Islam gives great privileges to wife.
so husband is bound to pay you for household chores and other stuff you do at home.
ps. i personally believe that you tell him directly that no matter u (the wife) is making millions still he should give you allowances.
"begging" because you hafta ask... I hate asking...so it feels like "begging"
I do not know why men even bother to worry about money. They must not trust their wives. I did it when I was single and was tired of looking at those bills and bank statements.
The idea of asking (begging) is unusual to me. Its been years I saw my bank account or credit card bill, telephone bill or whatever. Just looking at the net savings, retirement funds etc. is enough headache.
Hi girlies!
I know most of you have faced the situation... I am self dependent, I even hardly asked for money from my dad.... (even when I was kid) I tried always to depend less on others... and asking for money from someone (even from my parents) is something going against my nature, no matter how direly I need it...
Now I am nikahofied, would be married in next couple of monthe (IA), how to tackle the situation?! How to make your husband realsie that you need money.. (I could never ask it myself)
Aha! Same here, i try my best not to depend on others be it anyone!
Re: Money Problem!
hmm every woman is different . my mother had the same issue but if you are going to ask and you obviously need some say in it then you might end up bitter. much as we like to believe that our husbands should figure it all out they are just humans and they cant. so i think mama said it rather succintly, when you get married you have to set up a budget.
i too am facing the same situation. what if earlier u used to do job and still ur parents helped u in finances. after marriage ur husband starts saying that ur money is my money and i have the right at it. i had my own car, gifted by my parents at my wedding. my husband had his family burdens and expenses , like the rent and other bills as well although his whole family used to live there. he said me bfore marriage that my job is nothing to him and that is all my wish. later he claimed that he was giving me everything so now it was all his. i had a way of spending, like car's expenditure+a way of living which was a must to maintain ur self in a profession.
he says that no pocket money is needed as i get what i want i.e., a jeans, or a dress after a lot of discussion. now what to do? he has got a hansome job at a foreign land and has a bright furture. what to do as i have 2 kids and too small. i can't do job. everything is upto him, at times it really hurts wen i need sumthing too urgently and have to drop it, thinking that it will give vent to a clash. the same is with the kids'shopping. had to fight the case in order to get it done. i don't know whether this will save a lot of money?
Re: Money Problem!
^ You shouldnt have to fight so much to get the things you want for yourself or your children. Its his responsibility to provide for his children in every manner possible and since you are home, he has to take care of you as well. If he was not happy with you working or said your job means nothing to me then why is he denying you things now?
Also, do you overspend? I dont think anyone would in your situation but are you careful with money?
