The other day I was visiting someones house and the husband and wife got into an argument. The wife makes more money than the husband does in this case, however the husband makes a decent salary himself.
I was sitting in the living room with the friend who took me to her married friends house(whom I have met before) when I heard the wife yell out, “I make more money than you do, I will do what I want, when I want.” I didnt include some expletives. Now this statement surprised me. Not because it came from a woman, but because this same woman had earlier stated that, “I dont care how much money a man makes, that doesnt give him the right to do what he wants.” She said this in a time when surrounded by a group of girls, and not when angered.
It just makes me wonder, do people really hold it over the others head that due to being the breadwinner, a step cant be taken without the liking and permission of the partner? When a woman is making more money than the husband, does this give her more authority of the say in the household, or vice versa? Should this even be a question? Just what does it mean that someone makes more money than the other?
This is an age old issue, but this incident just brought it to the forefront in my mind. As I am not married I dont know how this plays a role in a marriage. I only see things from the outside.
This is a very heated issue and I know individuals close to me that are facing problems in the marriage due to this. Nobody wants to sit down and discuss it calmly. I dont know if its egos at play or what it is. Control issues, etc.
True, you are not aware of the details, however lets just say the statement was a general one covering a broad range of things.
I agree that money is not the true issue at hand. Its deeper than that. My concern is that I have seen this sentiment so wide-spread. Some people have flat out told me, "If I support my wife financially, she should listen to what I say". And vice versa. Since when? Is it cultural conditioning that leads one to think this way? What is at the basic core of it? I suppose thats what I'd really like to know.
Is it insecurity speaking? I suppose other things can take the place of money, i.e. fame, etc. Just trying to understand the mindset here. sigh
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*Originally posted by Munni: *
True, you are not aware of the details, however lets just say the statement was a general one covering a broad range of things.
I agree that money is not the true issue at hand. Its deeper than that. My concern is that I have seen this sentiment so wide-spread. Some people have flat out told me, "If I support my wife financially, she should listen to what I say". And vice versa. Since when? Is it cultural conditioning that leads one to think this way? What is at the basic core of it? I suppose thats what I'd really like to know.
Is it insecurity speaking? I suppose other things can take the place of money, i.e. fame, etc. Just trying to understand the mindset here. sigh
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u r right in ur concerns, munni bibi. even the balance of husband-wife relationship apparently seems to be in husband's favor when he is the bread-winner, it shud be also noted that without wife he can't have his household - a logic which appropraitely be taken as fodder for the above argument. In any judgementaly ethical decision, the husband is 100% wrong !
I'm guessing that the mian must ve played that same card earlier on that his beghum used on him this time..kinda like tit-for-tat .... similarly, I also believe that in arguments between couples it is more an issue of who gets the last word rather than who makes the most sense, so they probably were taking shots at each other just to show 'who da boss'
they gotta learn to keep the fights clean and the wild monkey dancing dirty!
Munni, another interesting topic, thank you. And some interesting replies.
Money seems to be the instrument of power in our society. It makes you think about our values - so is money the supreme yardstick? Can you own another person? do you have the right do do certain things if you have money? And what are you worth if you don't have it?
A relationship isn't going far if money is going to be held over the heads of those involved. Whosoever earns more.
We live in a World where money is ones most important commodity. People with the most power are those with the most money. A lot of marriages are based around materialistic benefit also with this whole he must be a doctor business. Although not speaking specifically about this family as i don't know the reality, the amount of money one makes equates to the amount of power in a marriage. If a woman is a housewife she is to have less power than a wife who pays the bills. Since she pays them she can have a say in them. The one who has the power normally is the breadwinner whether that be a man or a woman.
Shirin you are right money is everything in this society based on capitalism and materialism and the questions you ask are a reality and many marriages fail over money issues. In reality in this world respect is gained from money and it is a shame that people have become so shallow.
I wonder if when i get married and one day lose all my money will my wife still be there the next morning. We live in a material world where life revolves around money. It is a sad reality but it is true.