How do you and your spouse divide up your time with the kids and kid-related chores? Has this changed depending on kids’ age?
I think its so wrong when mothers are expected to perform the majority of tasks involving the children while dads can just chill in front of the TV, as so often observed in pakistani families. It is so important to form a bond between father and children in the early stages, when the kids are silly and cute and will easily win anyone’s heart over. I’ve noticed many families (including my own) where the children have a very close bond with the mother, but somehow its just more formal with the father. Regardless of how much the kids love the father somehow its more difficult to express and its just not as free flowing. I think mostly it has to do with the fact that our mothers (who were usually housewives) took the kids as 100% their responsibility and the fathers were never held accountable for the mundane kid-related tasks such as reading them a story before bed, feeding dinner, changing diapers, etc. These are the very things that (as annoying as they seem at the time) result in development of a strong bond between child and parent. And I guess its easier to divide everything evenly when both parents are working but in families with SAHM, do the dads think that they are free of all kid-related tasks since they are the breadwinners?
I hand over the kid to her dad as soon as he walks through that door.
He doesn’t mind, he loves her and wants to spend time with her .. they only get around 2 hours together during the weekdays. In the meantime I get dinner ready etc and then when it’s bedtime he gets her ready for bed. Changes her into her pjs, brushes her teeth and hair, changes her diaper and calls me to put her to bed (she refuses to sleep with anyone other than me .. sigh).
During the weekend he gets up with her and lets me sleep in.
I think he enjoys doing all that. She is HIS daughter after all ..
I think the “typical pakistani dad” mentality is quite sad. Most typical pakistani dads have very little involvement in their children’s lives. We the mothers need to change this trend and get our husbands more involved in bringing up our kids!
My daughter is just 2.5 months alhumdolilah and my husband has been actively involved in bringing her up since day one. Since I am on maternity leave, I still take on most of the work, but he does often help out with burping her or putting her to sleep. Although I do most diaper changes, if for some reason I an unable to at any given moment, I ask him to and he does it without any hesitation. I don’t expect him to take on “night duty” on weekdays but on weekends he helps by putting her to sleep after I have fed her so I can get more rest.
That’s the mentality of all desi aunties. We just don’t tell them that my husband changes her diapers
If a mom can change her sons diapers why can’t a dad change his daughters? Doesn’t make any sense to me. I was just raised very differently … my dad changed my diapers! He even changed my daughters diapers when we went to visit him. Without me even asking, he’d just check if it was dirty or not and then change her at the spot. Her dada would NEVER in a million years even think of changing her lol.
Not to pick at anyone but I always find it amusing how words like quality time and changing a diaper are used in the same sentence. Chores are chores… be it washing dishes or ure child’s butt. That is not quality time.
My husband is very very involved in the upbringing of´our children…does everything. we are a team.. we divide the chores like this (but its not set in stone.. illness, good day or bad day all play a role)..
on weekdays he does minimal chore like things cuz he only gets 2 hours with the kids.. i dont want him coming home to a dirty diaper.. i change it .. not him. gotta respect the spouse too and the fact that they have been in meetings all day trying to earn some money.. you with a teething tot is not the same thing.. dont compare it pls.
I have them fed and clean and ready so when he comes home…he can sit down and relax with the kids and play with them..and that’s strictly family time…once done… he gets them ready for bed cuz its the fav part of the day for him… touching their tiny hands and brushing their pearly whites. … he does this whilst I warm up the food and set the table for us 2 etc…
Like Wendy …the older kid.only wants me to put him to bed…for the baby…depends who wants to.do it…the lesser of the tired gets the job done. Could be.me or the husband. depending on how teh day has gone for each of us. we have even at one point.. tossed a coin
for weekends.. he takes charge of more child related chores and house ones too… whilst i take it a bit more easy and do things like taking care of the jungle growing on my legs etc… he does nap times for both kids… takes care of one kid the whole day whilst i the other..
the sleeping in on mornings… usually its me cuz he is an early riser. cant sleep past 8 am even on a friggin weekend. robot kahi ka.
team effort… i feel it works out great for us cuz we respect each other as humans first.. its balanced.. the scale is not tipping dangerously at one end nor the other. there is no resentment in my heart that im doing it all whilst he scratches himself infront of the tv.. nor does he think he is drowing in diapers whilst i sit and manicure my claws.
but honestly… i owe it to my mil for raising such a well rounded man.
my husband helps alot mashaAllah he enjoys being with his son…our routine is almost same like wendy and khawa…
on weekdays…he spends an hour with the baby while i prepare dinner and baby’s food…so baby is with me for almost 23hrs!
on weekends…baby is with daddy most of the time as i’m busy in detailed house chores…he changes his diapers,plays with him,feed him food,sometimes gives bath too and put him to sleep…
