Sheen are you a stay at home mom? and how much does your husband help you?
Our house is not quite as clean on a daily basis as it used to be when we did not have the twins but we try to do our best. being organized helps, each thing has a place, you try to touch something as few times as possible i.e.
multi tasking becomes a must.
In our case begum gets home before me and gets the kids dinner ready, and starts on ours, I get home we feed the kids. eat, and while they watch TV, we clean up, dishes, trash, mail sorting, throw laundry in the washer. vaccum the family room couple times a week, kids think its a game..we hang with kids, play with them, change them, then they get their snack and off to bed. All this happens between 5:30-8:30.
after the kids sleep, we would have a few hours to ourselves, she would fold laundry while watching TV, I would pick the kids toys up. couple tims a week we would mop the floor.
the one place where we really only get time for on teh weekends is the master suiye since teh kids cribs are in our rooms, so we cant amke too much noise. we usually hit it on the weekend, or some evening the kids would watch Tv upstairs.
We are still trying to find the groove here, but we are defintely much better than a few months ago when it was pretty chaotic.
just see what is the source of the issue, and then see what you can do about it.
yeah so we have no domestic or family help, and yes thee are hundreds of things that need to be done, but it really is not that bad.
one had to clean the place before kids
one had to cook before kids
one had to do laundry before kids
one had to clean before kids
and ppl managed.
with kids the follwing happen
personal time goes down..you spend more time with kids than reading a book for example, more chores come up, changing diapers..picking up the mes that the kids made.
your personal time goes down significantly, heck I have recorded prison break and heroes from monday and still not watched then. battlestar gallactica is recorded but I have not had a chance to see it. It becomes a question of you picking and choosing what you do in your free time.
I did not think it was all doom and gloom as ppl said before I had kids, and now with two very active, attention seeking, toddlers I still dont think its all that bad.
This is not a personal attack on anyone, I have said it in past that stay at home moms make it seem like its just a killer. My view has been that if you are spending the same amount of effort as you would do at work, and after the usband is back from work there is an equitable distribution of work, it will be okay. Some women I know want the husband t just take over everything when he is back, sure you need a break for a lil bit, but realize that he was not out golfing, but was at work.
stay at home moms need to have schedules, they need to have calendars. it has to be approached that way. a good stay at home mom, would allow children independent play time and in that time she would do some chores, she would plan out their meals, she would have plans to take them to different places so they are not stuck at the house all day every day. local park, go walking with them in the neighbourhood, go mall walking, take them to gymboree or something etc etc.
I have the utmost respect and sympathy for these type of moms, they do the best they can and put a 100% of their effort in it. At the same time I have no sympathy for some of the desi stay at home moms, who slob around all day, kids are filthy, eating god knows what, planted in front of TV, mother has not bothered to shower and change or really do anything, and when these types complain. I just wanna hit them with a rubber chicken.
I do understand that there are a LOT of things that need to be done at home, perhaps i appreciate it more than other men on GS, partly bcoz i am doing Mom's work at home these days( if u read my journal) and thats why i arranged a full time domestic help for my wife, even though she is not working.
My point was very simple: If u set goals for a day in advance that u feel u CAN do and by end of teh day they are NOT done, then one has to think about time management. Many hard-working parents too, can improve on time management.
As far ur husband, tell him to be with the kids for few days at home and he'll understand, kidding, am sure he does.
and where you usually have tons of domestic help, for example separate servants for laundry, ironing, cleaning, cooking and even for grocery shopping extra, do you really see good disposition in their lives?? ...Nope, its all about brining Discipline in your outlook first..Mom.
nope i am doing job too:) well i am working as a teacher,teaching to grade 3.. so kids are the common factor in my life:)aahhhh after coming from work i have to make dinner and clean the house,as my son has developed a new habbit to cut tissue papers from scissors:smack:well my hubby helps me alot like putting his socks in such a corner where MY SAATH POOSHTAIN (7 generations) wont find them.he only helps me out on weekends like doing grocery and making salad
i just want my son to be indulge in an creative activities
sheen, u have a noble profession.
I really think if you involve your husband more..i mean fine if he does not want to do the work (which he should help you with) at minimum he should play with the kid while u do teh chores.
Begum and I have an inequitable distribution of workload, I would say it is around 70:30, but I try to help, and we are actually trying to figure out the division of responsibility. mopping and vaccuming is mine, I just took maintaining and claning the master bath. laundry is all begum, cooking is all her and dishes is all her, I should probably help her more with laundry. Anything but dishes I hate doing dishes, good thing is she does not think dishes is a big deal.
^Fraudz, you're a good guy. My husband and I have an equitable relationship in every area except household chores. I work part-time, so I certainly don't expect him to do as much as I do, but I don't expect to spend more time picking up after him than the kids, either.
Sigh... maybe I should have trained him better in the early years.
amana I try, but I do feel guilty there are some of my own things I can do differently to make her life easier e.g. my closet is a mess, I am fairly unorganized there and basically figue out in the morning what I need to wear and iron it etc. meanwhile she gets stuck with getting ready herself and getting the kids ready.
My plan for this weekend is to clean out my closet, do my laundry drop stuff at dry cleaners and plan out my outfits for the whole week on sunday. so I can be more help.
poor girl does not have time to get ready properly while I am indulging in the luxury of using a badger bristle shaving brush and italian shaving creme.
my laziness sometimes trumps my good intentions :(
Great Thread Guys. I have a Two year old boy getting near 3. I am also experiencing the same issues. Of course, being a Pakistani, it's very popular to be in a joint family system. So my parents live with me but they have the business to run. My wife is at home doing her chores and taking care of the little one.
He knows who he can and can not manipulate. While I'm away he does his Dora Marathon but once I come home, eventhough I'm dead tired. The TV is off. I have gone as far as to take out the S-video cable to the plasma and so far, he can't reach it.
My wife has had a long day with him and she usually prepares dinner at this time. I take him aside and do as much running, jumping, reading, writing, urdu-talking as possible. Sometimes, I will give him a bath, take him to the park or find some kind of silly activity to do. It does occupy at least two hours. The hard part is that I am also addicted to the TV so for me to give it up is a big deal.
I think it's all about boundaries. I have always encouraged my son to try new things. Very often, he'll tell me he can't but I persist and he does them. After reading all the research, taking classes and watching other children, I have come to one conclusion - giving your child self confidence is the best thing because that sets the foundation for health, education, emotions and everything else under the sun.
Time management is a key issue at this age. Children need structure now otherwise they will never know when it is time to play and when it is time to study. My own parents were working two jobs to make ends meet and I can understand what a lack of structure can do to children.
Once they know their roles, it's all much easier. Shukar-Al Humdulilah, my son (at least around me) is very well behaved. He knows that he can be goofy with me and he knows when I mean business. I pray to Allah SWT to make it easy on all of us because it's definitely a challenge but Inshallah, we want the most for our children, their happiness, health and most of all our sanity.
finally i have made him clear that he can only watch cartoons for 2 hours max..well first day he cried ,but now he is pretty much OK wid that:)WAY TO GO SHEEN:k:
I think you should gradually decrease even that amount, 2 hours is still a lot.
I have a younger brother...even though I am not a mother, I had to discipline him to finish his home work and start the basic alphabets of the arabic so he can read the qur;an. Alhamdullilah, after hours and hours of crying and fits...he has settled down phew.
I think its all about setting goals, and then meeting them by effective time management skills.
Disney isn't what it used to be. I have little cousins that are no longer allowed to watch TV, and its made them better students actually. What are you doing during the day while they're at school? I thought you were a stay at home mom, so can't you do your cleaning while they're gone to school?
Always make them spend some quality time with their homework, or make some for them if it seems like they're not getting enough.
Keep 'em busy, and away from the TV. Maybe get him involved in a sport after school?
