I’ve been close to my mil because I communicate with her regularly and talk to her on the phone almost as often as she talks to her daughters. She doesn’t act like a typical aunty, she takes decisions based on logic rather than going on tradition and what people say and think and that attitude makes it quite easy alhumdulillah for us to get along. I wish that my fiance and mom had the same relationship, quite frankly.
What has been frustrating for me is my own mother’s behavior. I love my mother and I’m close to her in that we talk about quite a lot, but I feel like she’s always LOOKING for things to complain about when it comes to my in-laws. She says she doesn’t interfere because I guess in her mind, interfering means saying “do this,” but she is definitely interfering by giving me her two-cents on each issue and having a sarcastic tone or expressing her displeasure when it comes to decisions that really should just involve me and my fiance.
Its not that I dont want my mom’s opinion or that I don’t value it…its just that sometimes, her giving me her opinion lays the foundation for arguments! For example, when we talk about settling down, my mother has made it quite clear that she wants me to live nearby and will kind of emotionally blackmail me when we talk about other issues. If I say, “oh you can come visit” or “i’ll need to buy houseware items” her response is “well I COULD have if you lived near us” She doesnt realize that we have made this decision based on what would be best for us.
Whenever she talks to my mother in law, my mom finds issues with things she’s said. Keep in mind that no matter what, I would always love my mom more than anyone, but I just KNOW in these situations that she’s being difficult to get along with and it really saddens me that she has such a bad attitude. The last thing I would want is for my mom to be the cause of problems in my new life.
moms will hardly ever want to cause "problems", but since ure not married yet (right?), its her way of coping. before I got married--we fought every other day on almost every single issue.......and it was BAD.....but since i got married alhumdulillah we haven't had any fights.
maybe its just her way of coping with the change of not having u around any more.
Its her way of dealing with losing you. You may not think she is losing you but she feels something changing in her life and is reacting to it.
Our mothers arent perfect, they make mistakes too. She is simply missing you even before you are gone. Trust me, this happens between a lot of girls and their mothers...including myself.
Try your best to spend as much time with her as you can, take her out, talk to her, comfort her, involve her as much as possible so she doesnt feel so vulnerable.
Like others have said, its happened to them as well.. and to me. Sometimes it even happens still and ive been married for 4 years. They arent trying to create drama or tension.. they are prob just afraid of losing their child... wierd. But once you become a parent, u do realise that as well :)
Its not right what they do... but if it really concerns you, talk to her nicely and let her know how its makes you feel..
I don't know if it's because Im sentimental thinking how I will live far away from my mom but just remember that noone can replace her and noone can ever give you the love your mother will :( Just ignore it all and create good memories while you can.
this was really helpful, girls. I didnt even think about it that way....
youre right no one can ever replace her, and it does make me sad to think I'll be far away from her. I just want everyone to get along...thank God there havent been arguments or anything, but I especially try to only see the good in my in-laws so that I dont ever have ill feeling in my heart and I want my mom to try and ignore little things.
i'll try to be more considerate of the fact that she's worried about her daughter moving away...i think you're right and that could be the source.
just ignore what ur mum says too... change the topic. But if it gets too much, just tell her lightly that she shouldnt say that.... that's all. Mums have very small hearts.. seriously. They try to be strong and all, but it can get hard for them to see their child having a very good time with someone else... seriously.
:) Id ignore it really.. but if it gets to a point where its really affecting your relationship with your inlaws... let ur mum know.