Mohabatoon kay safar main hum kasay chaltay

Dilsay · July 15, 2003, 7:09pm

Mohabatoon kay safar main hum kasay chaltay
Tum na hotay tu khawaoon kay silsalay kasay chaltay

Ya poochtay hain hum aksra apnay dilsay
Zindagee ka is safar main tanha kasay chaltay

Tumahari yadain jo na hoteein tu mari jaan
Andahari raat kay lambay rastay par kasay chaltay

Rastay behi thak say gaya hain hamarai taraha
Matlab parast duniya main tanha ya behi kahan tak chaltay

Zamanay kee neghaoon say bacha kar hum aur tum
Dilsay keya howay wadoon par kahan tak chaltay

by: Dilsay

system · July 15, 2003, 7:41pm

:k:

Amarbail1 · July 15, 2003, 7:45pm

Khoob …:k:

Muslim_Queen · July 15, 2003, 8:47pm

Zamanay kee neghaoon say bacha kar hum aur tum

very nice.:)

system · July 16, 2003, 4:10pm

Xcellent :k::k:
bohatttt achi hai..

HeArT_HaCKeR · July 16, 2003, 4:33pm

oh wowwwwwwwwwwww :k: thats so beautiful k:

Pramod · July 16, 2003, 4:48pm

Dilsay sahab,

aap kii koshish achhi hai..lekin ghazal kii kuchh technicalities hoti haiN like radif, qafia, bahar etc..aap ne radif ka khyal nahin kiya hai es ghazal meiN...I just wanted to tell you nothing else..please don't take it otherwise we all are still learing here..

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 5:44pm

Thanks alot

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 5:49pm

Thnaks alot

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 6:36pm

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
**Zamanay kee neghaoon say bacha kar hum aur tum*

very nice.:)
[/QUOTE]

Thanks alot....

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 6:38pm

Thanks alot…

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 6:39pm

Bohat bohat shukriya…

Dilsay · July 16, 2003, 6:42pm

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Pramod: *
Dilsay sahab,

aap kii koshish achhi hai..lekin ghazal kii kuchh technicalities hoti haiN like radif, qafia, bahar etc..aap ne radif ka khyal nahin kiya hai es ghazal meiN...I just wanted to tell you nothing else..please don't take it otherwise we all are still learing here..
[/QUOTE]

First of all thanks for your advise and concern and second the things you have mentioned i have no clue what they are i just write joo dill main ata hai kabhi is batao ka khiyal nahi kiya aur karoo behi tu kasay jaab mujahay pata hee nahi... i am not a poet baas jo dil main ata hai lekh deeta hoon....

aap kay comments will help me and as well to those who think i am the poet.....

Black_Mamba · July 17, 2003, 5:21am

Pramod bhai. I think you are talking about Qafian and not the Radif.

Radif is “Chaltay” in this Ghazal. and Dilse bhai has used it.

But the problem I found with this Ghazal is the Rhythm. I am not saying that is not there, but I cant find it. There is a way everyone read poerty and while I am reading this Ghazal, my flow breaks at time.

But this could be my lack of understanding to Dilse bhai. :k: Good Job. Keep them comming.

Dilsay · July 17, 2003, 3:31pm

Thanks for the explanation now i understand what you are talking about i will try to keep that thing in mind…

Amal · July 17, 2003, 3:53pm

Very good effort Dilsay:k:…Thanx for sharing with us a nd keep writing:)

Dilsay · July 17, 2003, 6:24pm

thanks amal jee and yes i will keep writing jaab behi dill main kuch aya aap sub say share karoon ga…

ghazal_kisi_ke · July 17, 2003, 8:58pm

wow dilsay:k::k::k: tumhare sub ghazals/nazams/shers mein se yeh mere fav ho gaye hai. its really deep and touchey:k:
keep it up and thanks for sharing:flower1:

Pramod · July 17, 2003, 10:01pm

Sorry ! I meant to say Dilsay sahab has not used Qafia correctly. Radif “Chalte” is fine but even if you see the first three ashars, the radif looks to be “kasay Chalte” which he left the last two shers. Even if I consider “Chalte” as radif, kafia is completely ignored in this whole ghazal. I just wanted to bring this into the notice of Dilsay sahab, in case he was interested.