Modern nursery rhythms
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun –
Stupid jill
Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
#What have you got there?#
Said the Pieman unto Simon
#Pies, you dickhead!#
There was a little girl, who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good, she was very very good
But when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels, a
sports car…
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast
Hickory dickory dock,
Three mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one,
and the others got away with minor injuries
Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat did a piddle,
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat died of electric shock.
Mary had a little lamb,
It walked into a pylon,
10,000 volts went up it’s arse,
And turned it’s wool to nylon.
Mary Had A Little Lamb
She also had a bear
I’ve often seen her little lamb,
But I’ve never seen her bear.
Mary Had A Little Lamb,
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would… talk to each other.
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
Mary had a little lamb
You’ve heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate
And had a little more?
Mary had a little lamb
It was always in a hurry
Fell into the cooking pot
Now it’s in the curry
[This message has been edited by Akif (edited January 16, 2001).]