Lets say if a muslim guy decides to tie the knot with a hindu/christian/sikh girl. Do they ever work? Some reason I see inter-marriage seem to built strong husband and wife relationships.. but the children dont seem to have much of a religious up-bringing… anyone think inter-marriage will be long lasting?
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
One of my students' parents are a mixed marriage couple. The dad is Muslim and the mom is Christian. They have two kids...one who is in middle school. So they've been married a long time. Another woman (older) at work....is Christian....married to a Muslim....seem to have been married a long time. I have a cousin who got married to an Irish Christian woman. She converted, I believe. They have three beautiful daughters, MA......don't know their "level" of religiousness, but they're still together. Vaguely know this older woman (Hindu) married a Muslim and converted to Islam....have two kids (in the their twenties). And another couple.....(Muslim guy and Christian woman)...have kids....together for a long time. There are more that come to mind.....basically I know of several examples of such marriages.
There's no guarantee that a marriage will be "long lasting" even if both partners are of the same religion/culture/country. Yes, there may be greater obstacles if the religion is different......maybe more obstacles if the girl doesn't convert......but the success of a marriage depends upon the couple's mutual efforts to make the relationship work.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
i personally don't think it can work out if both are very very traditional, religious people but there might be exceptions.
i know an indian muslim guy that's married to a hindu girl but he's not a very religious guy and he's always stood by the idea of "free God from the chains of religion", he respects his wife's religion, she never converted but she respects his religion. but their's is a unique story in that they grew up together in the same city and share a common language and subculture. their parents are good friends. they love and respect each other intensely. Totally special situation and not very common.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
i have a close friend .. girl is polish.. and guy is pakistani... christian and muslim ... they have been married 5 yrs and they have a 13 month old... only reason their marriage works is cuz neither of them are traditional, dont follow their culture and are open to anything that they fancy, and religion is the last thing on their minds. this is in their words.. why their marriage works.
but now the drama starts. what religion is the son to follow? she has converted but she cant do the whole allah allah routine when putting the kid to sleep or going bismillah when he falls.. this comes from within. she sings christian jingles to him cuz thats what her mom would sing to her so its in her subconscious. ... it never pissed the guy off before but now it does.. so instead of fighting it out with the wife..... they both sat down.. and guy voiced his concern.. girl said well i cant make a muslim out of him.. so now the guy has taken over the religious education of his son.. he just couldnt handle the child not knowing anything bout islam.. but its a bit of a battle cuz even he doesnt know so much bout his religion as he never took any interest himself... ab baap beta dono seekh rahay hain :D
but i found it so nice... who says its only the mother that has to teach the child bout religion or culture etc... other men would probably have fought over it with their women... i like the fact that this guy took the matter into his own hands..
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
Its not something that i had ever be comfortable with but each to their own, it works for some and doesnt for some. There are alot of factors for me to think this way....;
i think marriage itself is such a big change and require alot of adjustments and adapting a new lifestyle literally in some cases. So with diff cultures or for that matter even diff backgrounds coming together, it wud be hell lot difficult.
i dont believe in conversions that r done for the sake of yr love for yr partner, no offense but i dnt see any purpose in it religion wise. if u want to convert do so for the religion not cuz u happen to love someone who belongs to that religion.
i respect people from diff cultures n religions bt i m the most comfortable among my own people.
for me its very imp that the family i get married into shares a similar lifestyle to what i have been brought up with and same values and norms.
Having said all that, i know mix marriages do work for some people and infact i have one such case in my very immediate family i.e my taya jaan and my british tayi :). But its not a cup of tea for everyone def not me.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
i have a close friend .. girl is polish.. and guy is pakistani... christian and muslim ... they have been married 5 yrs and they have a 13 month old... only reason their marriage works is cuz neither of them are traditional, dont follow their culture and are open to anything that they fancy, and religion is the last thing on their minds. this is in their words.. why their marriage works.
but now the drama starts. what religion is the son to follow? she has converted but she cant do the whole allah allah routine when putting the kid to sleep or going bismillah when he falls.. this comes from within. she sings christian jingles to him cuz thats what her mom would sing to her so its in her subconscious. ... it never pissed the guy off before but now it does.. so instead of fighting it out with the wife..... they both sat down.. and guy voiced his concern.. girl said well i cant make a muslim out of him.. so now the guy has taken over the religious education of his son.. he just couldnt handle the child not knowing anything bout islam.. but its a bit of a battle cuz even he doesnt know so much bout his religion as he never took any interest himself... ab baap beta dono seekh rahay hain :D
but i found it so nice... who says its only the mother that has to teach the child bout religion or culture etc... other men would probably have fought over it with their women... i like the fact that this guy took the matter into his own hands..
I know a pakistani guy and he has married a polish girl too. He is from a religious family and he has been teaching his wife about Islam and she is learning it too. They seem very happy mA. Guess mixed marriages do work
My cousin is married to a white girl, they both are religious too but i can tell that his wife seems uncomfortable sometimes when she visits other pakistani homes. They too are happy.
Another one of my cousins married a Sikh girl. She apparently reverted to Islam but im sure she still embraces her religion. He is not very religious so i dont think it bothers him. The sikh wear a thread bracelet on their arms and i have seen their children wearing it. Im not sure how they are bringing their kids up
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
From mixed marriages I have seen most of them have not worked out...
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
I think they can work if the partners are non-practising or totally totally open-minded and laid-back.. One of my second cousins is married to a Hindu but his family is completely non-religious (I think he might be an atheist himself, not 100% sure and his wife is not really into her religion either, eats beef etc.).. Having said that a lot of ppl 'find' religion later in life and this is when the problems can start in these sorts of marriages..
Regarding the issue of which religion the children follow amongst the few couple I know they usually say something along the lines of 'they can decide for themselves when they get older' (but of course it can still get nasty if one parent does start practising their religion seriously later on and might get bitter if the child is not following him/her).
Am wondering if a Muslim wants to marry a Christian or Hindu in Pakistan, can it happen legally??
I know quite a few Muslim men do marry Christian women, usually Arabs, not desis tho.. what about Muslim girls 'back home' who fall in love with non-muslim guys? (Whose marriages wouldn't technically be valid according to most imams)..
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
not valid according to imams only? Last i read it says so in Quran.
A muslim men can marry a christian here legally cuz its allowed in Islam however he can't marry a hindu for sure cuz its not allowed in Islam and their marriage wont be considered legal either for what i know.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
^ is that a Pakistani law? Or islamic law?
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
^ Is the Quran Pakistani?
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
thats fine and dandy, but what about muslim girls who can't find a guy to marry, because the guys are busy pursuing non muslim girls.... dont muslim guys have a responsibility to their muslim sisters?!
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
not valid according to imams only? Last i read it says so in Quran.
A muslim men can marry a christian here legally cuz its allowed in Islam however he can't marry a hindu for sure cuz its not allowed in Islam and their marriage wont be considered legal either for what i know.
yes muslim men can only marry people of the book (Christians, Jews)
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
How about humans and extra-terrestrials? That could be rather complicated, requiring quite a few adjustments. Then having alien inlaws, upbringing and mutation of your children, religious issues, cultural differences. Man no wonder ET was so eager to go home.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
not valid according to imams only? Last i read it says so in Quran.
A muslim men can marry a christian here legally cuz its allowed in Islam however he can't marry a hindu for sure cuz its not allowed in Islam and their marriage wont be considered legal either for what i know.
I didn't say 'imams only' so stop trying to pick an argument.
Obviously the majority do believe Muslim women aren't allowed to marry non-Muslim men but there is a minority view that says the marriage can go ahead and like it or not there are a few imams here and there who will do a nikah in these situations. There is a lot of controversy surrounding the meaning of the relevant verses in the Qur'an, best leave it to the experts to unravel and come to a meaningful conclusion, as things stand now there does seem to be a discrepancy in what is written and what is actually being practised imo.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
^ Is the Quran Pakistani?
huh?! didnt realise it was an islamic law.. can you marry a hindu if they converted? Doubt it can happen.. but hey just wondering!
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
If they sincerely convert to Islam u can marry anyone, ex-hindu, ex-buddhist, ex-devil worshipper :D No problem there at all..
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
huh?! didnt realise it was an islamic law.. can you marry a hindu if they converted? Doubt it can happen.. but hey just wondering!
No Muslim can marry a Hindu. But if a Hindu converts to Islam, he/she is no longer a Hindu but a Muslim so one could marry them. Same with any other religion. Apart from Jewish and Christian women who can still be married to a Muslim man without converting.
Obviously the majority do believe Muslim women aren't allowed to marry non-Muslim men but there is a minority view that says the marriage can go ahead and like it or not there are a few imams here and there who will do a nikah in these situations. There is a lot of controversy surrounding the meaning of the relevant verses in the Qur'an, best leave it to the experts to unravel and come to a meaningful conclusion, as things stand now there does seem to be a discrepancy in what is written and what is actually being practised imo.
Deeba, there is unanimous consensus that a Muslim women can not marry any one other than a Muslim. A few 'modern' imams here and there who proclaim otherwise do not constitute 'ikhtilaf' or a 'lot of controversy.'
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
^Even if's just a few imams, that means it's not unanimous, doesn't it..
Unanimous means absolutely no disagreement.
Re: Mixed Marriages - do they last?
^ Yes you are correct, from a linguistic point of view, it does mean that. But unanimity and *ikhtilaaf *have slightly different interpretations in Islamic Orthodoxy.
Otherwise, any Islamic scholar can start espousing heretical ideas (e.g. that Mirza Ghulam Ahmed is the Messiah) and call it ikhtilfaf, and as Muslims, we are required to respect *ikhtilaf *in opinon as valid.