There are many couples I know that can’t either have children because it results in a miscarriage or are infertile. Yet these couples continue to get pregnant and go through the miscarriage, which I can imagine would be a traumatizing experience. I often think, why not just opt for adopting? Adoption does not unnecessarily mean that you have to get a child that is older or out of your race. There are plenty of new born and toddlers in orphanages, especially in Pakistan.
For instance I have a cousin who can’t have a baby and his mom is covering up for him and his saying they are not ready.
Is adoption a taboo in our culture? Maybe some of the married couples can shed some light.
I know my mom is totally against the idea.
Salman and I inshahallah will have kids of our own but wanted to adapt just one to help a life. My mother doesnt want to hear of it.
She says there will be complications when the baby grows up... and someother stuff about paatha nahee what khandaan the baby is from..personally all sounds like nonsense to me, and I still plan on adapting my last child.
~MuNiYa~ See how can someone say that, i think you are giving child a home a new family, a life.
Chorni. yeah i think often the couples think it wil happen, but, there are some couples where its their 4th or more miscarriage. Why not put that energy into a baby you adopt.
dude! Remember that thread about the baby who's mother concieved out of wedlock, and then the muslim baby ended up in a sikh family?
Yeah, so i told that whole story to my mom and asked her thoughts on it. Her response:
Why do you go to such falthoo forums?
Why weren't you studying parasitology?
Okay fine! In adoption - you do not know who the father is or who the khandaan is - what if they come after you?
Yeah, I think its a bullcrap desi stereotype against adoption. It makes no sense to me. Its encouraged in Islam. As long as you let the kid know they are adopted - they deserve to know that much.
And its easier than CHILDBIRTH. Why are desi women so dumb?
some ppl forget about islam or mistake parts of their idiotic culture for religion itsself.
i thin i will adopt too and i know the ppl in my family, extended at least, will do nothing but bitch and whine about us.
but if my mom were to be against it..i don't know. i hope i'll never have sucha problem. Whether I have hcildren of my own or not, i still want to adopt.
PCG i told my mom the same story and she had the same response after she cussed out the mother and gandmother for not having a heart.
but she came us with an interesting solution to Aliya's problem..
she said the grandmother should have adopted her and not told anyone about the child being born to her own daughter.
All that just to save face huh? Parents think very differently.
Why some pplz think that adoption is not the right thing?
I think it is a good solution if a women can't get pregnant.
And you also give that little child a home and love.
i was thinking of starting a topic on adopting....but im glad someone already did...me and my hubby have been trying to get pregnant, but to no avail (not yet anyways)...I would really realy like to adopt a baby in pakistan...but my hubby is against it....i think its sawab to do so..im not only doing it for myself, but also for the future of that baby - to give them a better life.
my question is that, if any of u guys do decide to adopt, would you tell that adopted child that he/she is adopted????? if i were in that position, i would tell of course. what are ur opinions???
btw, if anyone knows of someone who has adopted a child/baby in pakistan, would you please let me know..im still interested...otherwise, if that doesnt work out, i would like to sponser a child from pakistan....
my ideal will be to get pregnant and have a baby..so please all pray that i do!!!! thanks!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
Yeah, so i told that whole story to my mom and asked her thoughts on it. Her response:
Why do you go to such falthoo forums?
Why weren't you studying parasitology?
Okay fine! In adoption - you do not know who the father is or who the khandaan is - what if they come after you?
Yeah, I think its a bullcrap desi stereotype against adoption. It makes no sense to me. Its encouraged in Islam. As long as you let the kid know they are adopted - they deserve to know that much.
[/QUOTE]
I'd really love to know what your answers to questions 1 and 2 were :D
Waisi be, for now at least, and depending on my financial and familiy circumstances in the future, I'm quite keen on adopting a child. I'm really impressed by a Pakistani family I know. Both the mother and father were investment bankers, and they had 2 sons. About 10 years ago, they were living in Morocco when they went to an orphanage there and adopted abandoned Berber baby girl, and raised her as their own daughter and treat her completely as part of their family.
At the same time, there was no chance of anyone, including the girl, at all thinking that she was their real daughter, because being a berber girl, she shared none of the physical characteristics of her Pakistani adopted parents.
It's interesting though - having been adopted as a baby, she a berber but "mentally" Pakistani. She speaks urdu and is culturally Pakistani.
It really makes you feel really positive about that family though - they took a girl who would have otherwise most likely have grown up into poverty at the orphanage in Morocco, and instead they've given her a life of wealth and plenty.
In our culture.. its very much Your own are your own * and **bloods thicker than water* an all that!!
So they will go through the heartbreak of trying for their own till they succeed... and I dont think anyone would give up after a cupla miscarriages... they would surely try till they get their own.
As for adoption, its a beautiful thing, I'd love to do it.. :)
Its not as simple as signing a few papers and getting a baby.. I think alot more depth is needed. I think only special people do this.
Islamic point of view of adoption, its allowed and encouraged as long as the child knows he is adopted and gets to keep its own name.
Desi culture, its seen with a frown, I don't know why, but its acutally not considerd a wise thing to do, they say that u should adopt someone from ur close family like brothers or sisters kid (any side) ..
pro, kid is from the same family and knows his real identity.
contra, u are only raising the kid, u dont get the status of mom and dad, the kid knows his real parents are in the family, and is emotionally kept in between.
If I am ever to adopt anyone and get my way, I would take someone from outside, family doesnt matter to me, as long as the kid is an orphan and really needs a family and a home. I would tell that kid, he is adopted and his parents are dead or whatever.
Pro, the kid has no one else and is basically alone. He will not be ripped between two families and will have a closer bound with you as someone who knows that his real family is around and he was basically taken away, as the
forster family didn't have any kids.
mfs, I wish you and your hubby the best inshAllah.
I have an aunt who adopted a baby girl because the baby's mom died during birth and the father already had 7 other kids and there was no way he could afford another. This is in Pakistan. I'll tell you what, she is now 4 years old, and she is the princess of the whole family. They do plan on telling her once she is old enough to understand. Prior to her adoption everyone had their stuck up views about adoption, now we have several other adopted babies in our family, mash Allah.
Personally I’ve always been interested in adoption, and hopefully if the person i marry is understanding about it and even if he’s not, i would adopt. Can you imagine the joy of knowing you gave a child a chance and a family.
Yeah I’m sure the child would want to go see it’s biological family, why not do that together.
Seems like sometimes all good things in life are banned according to your great culture. Truly sad.
I hear stories like that too where people are totally against this idea of adoption. I think it's a big thing when you take care of someone else's child and as some hadees (if I'm not wrong) also says something like a caretaker is greater than the person who gives birth. A kid is a kid, no matter what family he comes from. It's not his fault if his parent's committed some gunnah or whatever crap. I don't think it really matters. I would never mind taking care of an orphan. The kid is yours when you take care of him, even if he doesn't have your blood. You give him your name and religion, which is a big sawaab. All our people care about is growing their generation...that's why they don't like this idea.
