^ i'm sorry :/ you're in a very difficult position, but i think everyone's behaviour has made the next steps clear for you. speak to your husband openly and calmly about all of this and tell him how you feel. if he agrees with you re: blaming you and feeling unhappy about leaving his family, then i think you probably need to look at the bigger picture and consider ending your marriage. i really don't see things improving anytime soon for you given they're ALL nutbars, not just your MIL, and if your husband is blaming you, well, then, i'm sorry but there isn't much there that is worth saving either. better to cut ties now and move on with your life, rather than give up more time to this family and their issues, all the while going through immense amounts of stress yourself. it would be one thing if they were amenable to normal, calm, sane conversation but all this yelling and screaming and drama baazi behaviour just doesn't leave any other course open to you or your family.
^ Tink, I agree with everything above. As painful as it sounds....give how irrational his family is behaving....I really think you need to get out while you can.
Put your emotions aside and think with your brain for a minute. How would you feel if you were in your husband's position? He's basically being forced to choose between you and his biological family. There will be a part of your husband that will always blame you for causing all this drama. A part of him will blame you for creating tension/distance between him and his family. Whether he wants to or not...a part of him will always think about how "peaceful" his family was UNTIL you came in the picture. Can you even imagine bringing a child into this situation? Even if you live separately....there will ALWAYS be drama. Aside from daily living....every single birthday, holiday etc.....there will be drama. If your in-laws treat your parents like crap like right now....that's not going to change either. Do you want to spend the rest of you life dealing with drama, and always trying to make sure things don't blow up? Do you really want these people to be your future children's dada/dadi?
You really need to have a open, NON emotional discussion with your parents and decide the best course for YOUR future. But keep in mind one thing....your in-laws will not change.
Seeing how backward and stupid the MIL and other members are, if her husband decided she shouldn’t go back until he moves out, I think there is no point in moving back since as a son&knowing his family more than the OP,he knows what worse can happen next. BUT there are all possibilities about the husband being brainwashed (such situations are ideal for MILs getting sick and fainting and what not :halo:) so OP should wait and see how the husband behaves and deals with the situation. She is not a doormat so please dont advise her to be one. there are problems to be faced by all couples at some stage of their lives but these extreme ones right from the beginning are pretty alarming.
First off, it's not going to be easy for you to move out so soon after marriage. You need to be prepared for tanaay from relatives, neighbors etc.. no matter whose fault it is, people will be quick to blame the new bride for "not adjusting" to her new family.
Secondly, you and your husband need to stick together and portray a united front. I understand that buying a house is not an option for now. Can you rent? Maybe a friend or relative has a place that you can rent for cheap? If there is NO way you can move out, you may have to compromise till you have enough money to get your own place. Don't live away from your husband during this time - I know it will be difficult moving back in with your in laws, but the last thing you want is a rift between you two. And distance, especially this early in a marriage, can cause misunderstandings and resentment.
I also think your husband needs to man up and talk to his mom. Give her an idea that you may be forced to move out if things continue like this. It doesn't have to be rude or aggressive.. your MIL will never be angry with her son for too long. But if you go and talk to her all alone, things may turn even uglier.
Also think about things that YOU can do to make the situation more tolerable. Maybe work more regular hours so that your MIL doesn't feel like you're abandoning the house-work? Take up some household tasks on your own. Another thing you can do is try to bond with other members of the family.. FIL, BIL, SIL etc. I saw from your other post that they're being unreasonable as well, but with time maybe you can make them realize that you're a nice person too. Also try a more direct approach with your MIL.. if she says something hurtful, try not to get angry and yell or cry, but tell her calmly how she makes you feel. Avoid interacting with her when you two are the only ones in the room, so she can't get away with her lies. Most importantly, stay composed, but don't take BS from her just because you are the new bahu.
personally, i feel sorry for the guy as neither the mum, nor the wife is willing to compromise. He probably feels super alone and under crazy stress at this time.
personally, i feel sorry for the guy as neither the mum, nor the wife is willing to compromise. He probably feels super alone and under crazy stress at this time.
Yeah but he must have seen it coming by his mom's attitude during the wedding, yet he still went ahead with it and ruined this girl's life. I personally have no sympathy for guys who still marry girls knowing their moms are going to be a ***** to them later on.
Yeah but he must have seen it coming by his mom's attitude during the wedding, yet he still went ahead with it and ruined this girl's life. I personally have no sympathy for guys who still marry girls knowing their moms are going to be a ***** to them later on.
Until now, it does seem like he is taking his wife's side. I think she needs to stay firm but also compromise and like a previous member has said, concentrate on strengthening the relationship between herself and her husband. inshaAllah all will be well.
That must be horrible. So newly wed, it almost feels as if it was all a waste of money and time to plan such an entire wedding only to be hot in the face with this. Your Mils actions are making my blood boil. Do people think they buy these DILs that come into their homes and can do anything they want. I hate our desi culture's backwards ways!! One moment it's all Islam Islam Islam and then the next it is treating another persons daughter like they are nothing in the world forgetting their own daughters and women of the house. Disgusting and hypocritical to say the least. I won't tell you to leave but it will be very hard for you to stay and you will have to stay very strong!! Constant mental router is hard for anyone to handle, trust me I have experienced it at the words of my FIL also three weeks into a marriage. But as long as your husband stands by you then that is what will make it easy for you to keep your sanity. You are lucky you still live in the same city as your parents and have an outlet, so don't give up so easily if your husband is sensitive and undertaking to your position.
What a jahil woman! Can't stand ppl like that!!!!!! It seems to be the way for most especially in our Pakistani communities! The first one to preach and the first ones to gossip and discuss inappropriate subjects that are none of their business!!! Ugh, as long as your husband is supporting you then stay true to yourself and don't lose your outlook on life, keep strong! Nothing or no one is forget, inshallah so will your problems be that way.
i really don't understand why people are advising her to stay in a marriage where the MIL is being SO terrible and selfish, as is the rest of the family, and the husband's support seems to be wearing thin, and its not even been 2 months! and no wonder- who the hell could live in a home with so much stress, anger and hate? what is the purpose of prolonging the misery for everyone?? if someone was a ***** not just to you, but also to your parents, who wasn't even capable of acting SANE, would you stay? why? is there extra sawaab in it for you? do you get candy when you get to heaven if you're an abused DIL? wtf. are you the same people who would also tell her it was her fault if her mil turned to smacking her around physically next? because that happens too.
also, her husband's "support" means jack**** if he's not willing to do something about it- and in this case, he should tell his mother to straighten up ad move himself and his new bride into their own apartment, instead of doing it because she's asked him to. HE should be taking the initiative to making life better for his new wife, not the other way around. if she has to tell him to move out, sorry, he's got no guts and no sense.
I am sorry you are having to deal with all this,and that too during the honeymoon phase ...!
I hope whatever you decide is for the best..Inshallah.
Just wanted to add that (I think someone else said it too),the family will never change.They feed and live on drama and lies,from what you have told...there always will be drama,every day ,every occasion.In the end your husband will be a part of his family,as this is his parents we are talking about and unfortunately,parents are always right,by default...no matter what..!
I wish you teh best of luck.At this point if he has agreed to move out,I'd say just go with it..!
4 weeks into marriage