has to do with education level of MILs or not ? I thought the crowd which hangs around on GS will have educated MILs and will not face any MIL issues. But they do.
Some of the issues I see would only arise if MIL in illiterate , jahil and ganwar but I am amazed.
What do you say on this matter ?
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Mirch 
What did I do ? 
Re: MIL problem
There are problems everywhere in life... even between educated people. Everyone has their own opinion and constantly wants to give their two cents. I agree there are more problems when there is a lack of education in every relationship, but education is not the resolution.
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A lot of our mothers don't have the education that girls are getting these days. Today it is common to find girls with a college education, but our parents grew up in a generation, where even then, education was for a certain class of society. Some moms may not have had access to education. Some may have had access, but were encouraged by family to "shadi karlo, parhai karne ki kya zaroorat hai?"
We even have girls like that in our generation, so it is only natural that there are more of such women in the previous generation.
I think partially the MIL-DIL clashes do come from education/life experience differences.
Common differences in expectations:
Time a DIL should be home
Amount of time DIL spends at home vs. outside
Working rights of a DIL (career satisfaction, financial independence, etc)
Religious ideas
Clothing styles
Cooking expertise (to what extent is it ok to depend on take-out/microwave/quick recipes)
Interests in technology
Internet-savvy generation vs. non-computer based generation
How much personal time can a DIL spend with her friends
Right's of the DIL's family vs. the guy's family
has to do with education level of MILs or not ? I thought the crowd which hangs around on GS will have educated MILs and will not face any MIL issues. But they do. Some of the issues I see would only arise if MIL in illiterate , jahil and ganwar but I am amazed. What do you say on this matter ?
I think it all boils down to how well you can handle people be it a MIL or a buddy. Relationship issues come from unrealistic expectations and unnecessary sensitivities.
My MIL is quite different from me and even though we disagree on many things, i have learned to let go of a lot of things just because a month down the road they won't matter anyway. I'm sure she has to do the same because to her I'm defintely not as perfect as I think I am.
So education or no education, I think a lot has to do with the personal choice of controlling our attitude.
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That too. Best approach: Smile and nod, and then do what you want to anyway.
Harder to do if you're living with your MIL though.
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PCG I've lived with my MIL for many years. I wouldn't say there weren't times I would get really upset with something she said...but there were 2 rules I followed:
1. Never discuss MIL issues with your mother.
2. Get over it.
It really works. She's actually a very nice person and I realize that I have to act as maturely as I claim to be.
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i use to think like you...education changes ppl...but my recent visit to pakistan (came back last week) has proven this wrong.
One of my cousin got married into this really nice, "educated" rich family abt 1 year ago. Her MIL use to be a professor in karachi (i believe of biology). And now this "educated" MIL is making my cousin cook food for 20+ ppl everyday (they can afford cooks but MIL refuses to do that). the MIL made my cousin take sewing and hamming-the-duppatta classes and now my cousin has to sew her own lawn clothes and ham her own duppatta at home....n this list goes on....
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No matter what the level of education, some women have been known to grow bitter, angry and just plain nasty with age. I dont know if this is due to a life of regrets, if its perhaps due to hormonal fluctuations(more likely I think) or WHATever. As women get old, sometimes this just happens. For sure, its very difficult to deal with as I well know. Its my own mom who turned this way after decades of being the best, like award-winning mom. My husband is a saint for how he just smiles and walks away after some of the really shockingly nasty things she's said. And then he comforts me with a nice massage when my mom really gets to me.
You just have to learn to deal, thats all.
has to do with education level of MILs or not ? I thought the crowd which hangs around on GS will have educated MILs and will not face any MIL issues. But they do. Some of the issues I see would only arise if MIL in illiterate , jahil and ganwar but I am amazed. What do you say on this matter ?
Sometimes the DIL can be the culprit. But I think the root cause for MILs wreaking havoc in DIL's life is insecurity/jealousy.
These emotions are a part of human nature and transcend education, degree level, socieconomic class, race, culture, religion, etc.
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It has nothing to do with the education level. It has a lot to do with showing each other kindness and mutual respect.
i use to think like you...education changes ppl...but my recent visit to pakistan (came back last week) has proven this wrong. One of my cousin got married into this really nice, "educated" rich family abt 1 year ago. Her MIL use to be a professor in karachi (i believe of biology). And now this "educated" MIL is making my cousin cook food for 20+ ppl everyday (they can afford cooks but MIL refuses to do that). the MIL made my cousin take sewing and hamming-the-duppatta classes and now my cousin has to sew her own lawn clothes and ham her own duppatta at home....n this list goes on....
What your friend's MIL is doing will be done only by an educated person. She is teaching her DIL appreciation of labor and making sure that her DIL knows all of these very essential life skills . In case the table of time turns and they end up being poor and the DIL who would be enjoying her life in the lap of luxury will become bitter in bad times. I am sure when this MIL knows that her DIL has mastered all the necessary skills , the MIL will let her DIL enjoy life.
Just kidding , I do not know why a professor will make life of her DIL miserable and would not let her DIL live her life and enjoy it.
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I don't know if the issues girls' post here about their MIL always have to do with education of their MIL. I think in any relationship, there is good and bad despite of someone's education. Some of the most educated women are terrible MIL, some of the most educated girls are terrible DIL.
Education may help you better understand things in everyday life but that doesn't mean that you can't use that same education to plot evil things or munipulate people etc.
I don't think it has anything to do with education as well.. I think it does somewhat have to do with your experience though. My mother law had a very tough life when she got married because she had 9 sister in laws and they always compared everything with her and degraded her sometimes. She grew up having to bear a lot of that.. so now she is very careful when she says anything to me I don't get to defensive because she always says to me that I don't want you to take this wrong way etc... and then tell me if I am doing anything wrong.
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I think the MIL/DIL issues rise from how possesive she is about her son/husband. Educated or not, its the sharing and the realiziation that her man is ready to venture out and make a family of his own and coming to terms with it is the challenging part that might make the DIL and MIL a issue. And the DIL has to understand he is a husband and a son and he can't choose to be just one.
PCG I've lived with my MIL for many years. I wouldn't say there weren't times I would get really upset with something she said...but there were 2 rules I followed: 1. Never discuss MIL issues with your mother. 2. Get over it.
It really works. She's actually a very nice person and I realize that I have to act as maturely as I claim to be.
this.
and on top of it, No one like their mother being topic of -ive discussion b/w 2nd and 3rd person be it husband or wife or any tom, dick or henry.
PCG I've lived with my MIL for many years. I wouldn't say there weren't times I would get really upset with something she said...but there were 2 rules I followed: 1. Never discuss MIL issues with your mother. 2. Get over it.
It really works. She's actually a very nice person and I realize that I have to act as maturely as I claim to be.
sad to say but the above is VERy true, just frm wedding planning, my mom and my MIL are hating each other and i learned that its better not to tell my mother abt certain this my MIL is doing n saying.
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Its been so long since a MIL thread come about in life 1.
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^ You spoke too soon.......
Such a thread....instead....made it to the Household forum earlier today.