Hi All,
If your in laws hold no expectation of you, and treat you (aka daughter in law) as an equal member of the family just like their own daughter is treated, have given you and your husband ample of space during the 5 years of your marriage, have never complained to your husband about your at times abrupt or rude behaviour, hold no expectations of how often you and your husband meet them, go over, they hardly ever go visit.. why? Because they are easy going/educated people who do not want to cause fights/issues..
Then.. what would make you rob them of their newly born grandchild?
Is it really post natal depression, or is it leveraging them being sheriff and testing their patience?
So your baby is born, and almost instantly you start showing such rude behaviour.. You are behaving like you have never before.. Being extremely rude - You need your own mother to help you during the first few weeks, no issues, she moves in with you and your husband, but whenever any member of the in laws come visit, you and your mother both show ample attitude by doing things such as
- not coming out of your room for hours on end
- coming out saying salam getting glass of water and going back in the room
- treating your mother in law as if she is some janwaar and closing the door on her when baby needs to bath
Okay, it makes sense that perhaps your a bit overwhelmed by the birth experience, and yes you feel more comfortable with your own mother.. But your in laws are not asking to move in, nor are they coming over every single day for hours on end.. They may make the odd visit because you have given them their first grand child, so when they do go over, why such drama?
Your husband is now getting overwhelmed by what is going on, but living in a western country, the mid wives often feed the effects of post natal depression and hence he is holding off saying anything to you. His own mother, your mother in law or your sister in law is noticing everything but has not said a word to your husband because its never about them.
You can’t handle the baby by yourself, your mother in law doesn’t work and she is available, but you don’t wan’t her around, so you instead decide to move in with your mother, for a few weeks.. your husband is back to work, and visit you and baby every couple of days, and one day decides to take his parents to visit you and the baby, and again same old attitude.
Your mother is noticing your unfairness, and instead of telling you what you are doing wrong, is in fact pushing you to do more wrong things.
So who is missing out in the end.. It’s your in laws.. who have honestly done nothing wrong to you ever, held no expectations and in fact have always been there for you.
Is this just a temporary thing your doing? is it permanent? why don’t you just loosen up?
To the readers: have you ever experienced anything like this, and if so does it all settle down in due time? It’s been only 6 weeks since birth so benefit of the doubt is still given to the new mother.. but how can you be so normal with everyone else but your in laws?
