My fiancée and I originally planned our wedding to be a one day affair but then my mother wanted a mendhi.
We have a “small” venue for our wedding/reception (i.e. a unique converted from an old mill by the river venue) and a bigger one for our mendhi (i.e. standard banquet hall) so we are inviting more guests to our mendhi, entire families, whereas with the wedding, only one or two. Mendhi is on Friday, wedding is on Sunday.
My question is it weird to invite some guests (my friends who are not south Asian) only to the wedding and not the mendhi? Or should I invite them to both and let them decide.
I might be a little weird about this because I’ve never invited anybody to anything in my life and feel like I am imposing on ppl with two events. But my fiancée is like people will decide for themselves.
If you allow them to decide which event they attend, then you may have the problem of having to turn them down because what might happen is that more people may want to show up at the wedding instead of the mehndi. And it would be really rude and patronising to turn them down after giving them that choice.
Personally I wouldn't do that and invite only those who very close to me/fiance to the wedding and the rest to the mehndi. Although that still doesn't make a great deal of sense to me.
Well we have explicitly put the number guests invited on the invitations. One reason my parents are doing the mendhi is so we can include more people than we can at the wedding. The ppl I am concerned about I have set aside room for at the wedding. I was on the fence about inviting them to the mendhi because I dont want it to be too much of an imposition.
My question is it weird to invite some guests (my friends who are not south Asian) only to the wedding and not the mendhi?
If the non-desis are not super close friends of yours...then this is the route I would recommend. I know 2 desi couples who did this. Both were Indian(Hindu) and had very traditional garba/mehndis. Veg only food/no alcohol/pujas/ etc. Obviously the music/most speeches etc. were all desi. They chose to not invite their non-desi acquintances/co-workers to this event but invited them to the actual wedding/reception. If someone did bring up the event, they said said that those events were exclusively for families of the bride/groom. Baas....baat khatam.
I invited all of my friends to the wedding and so I decided to invite all of them to the mendhi too. They are adults and can make up their minds if they can come or not to either event but I will welcome them all.
Why would it be imposing to invite them to 2 events? No one gives 2 gifts. I would not invite people to the Mehndi and not the actual wedding. it's not really proper etiquette IMO. It is fine to invite people to wedding and not the Valima. If it is one combined wedding/reception then it should be larger affair to include more ppl. I would never let ppl pick Bc you are automatically setting yourself for trouble.
Mehndis tend to be more intimate so idk, wouldn't you invite close guests to the mehndi function and then other people to the wedding, PLUS the mehndi attendees.
never heard of it being the other way around if in honest.
I always assumed whole families turned up at weddings, regardless of what it says on the invite?
If they're close non desi friends, then invite them to the mehndi too! If you're close then it won't be imposing on them.
anyways, good luck with everything!
The deal is, originally my fiancée and I picked the venue and only wanted a wedding/reception (no valima, mendhi, etc.). It is a small venue so we have a limited number of guests.
We decided on a mendhi well after we booked our wedding venue. And the mendhi has become more like a valima (which we are not having).
Everyone we invited to the wedding is invited to the mendhi.
Entire families can come to the mendhi but more limited numbers for the mendhi per family. Some families we have only invited to the mendhi.
Is it rude? I don't think so. We are doing the best we can given restrictions.