Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
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Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
If you want to know about a woman’s past and want to judge her for it…its your responsibility to step up and disclose yours as truthfully as possible first.
As for those posters who seem to have personal vendettas and keep trying to provoke me…keep your personal issues off of these forums and away from my posts.
If you have something to say - say it. Otherwise -
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
One more thing - the point of this thread is to simply say:
Stop obsessing over girls’ pasts.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
But, that is not the title of the thread or listed anywhere in first post. Maybe everyone is just confused… just spit-balling here.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Nope, won’t volunteer but if asked will tell the truth.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
I might lie about some details NOT to cheat, or deceive, but to acknowledge that past is the farthest thing. Somethings are irrelevant practically in present and can only create mistrust or hurt.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Damn! Women are bat shyte freaking crazy!
Carry on.
TTFM.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
They’re just unnecessarily acting “tough” on anonymous forums, no way this attitude would work in real life with anyone regardless of gender and definitely not with a spouse. I bet many of the ones that spew divisive advice against men/husbands and make every issue into a gender rights issue on this forum don’t actually even follow what they post so keep that in mind girls who may be following their advice.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Exactly, they just talk big on an online forum, in real life they all compromise & adjust.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Instead of giving us this advice and getting unnecessarily and immaturely offended by my thread as though it was some sort of personal attack against you (it was not meant to be offensive or sexist, im a guy so clearly I’d be interested in hearing the female perspective which is why I addressed it to girls, how you reacted that too as a moderator made it into a sexist/gender rights issue when it wasn’t even one to begin with and made a provoking rival thread as a response and then are now chiding posters for continuing the provocation that you yourself fueled..lol doesn’t make sense to me), how about advising girls (and guys) who frequent these threads to be more careful, selective and try to do their due diligence before getting intimate prior to engagement/marriage not only because it’s wrong culturally and religiously but also because its not worth the risks in case things don’t work out. People who have made this mistake, including me, or those who understand this concept should be advising others from making same mistake, not getting offended by the topic. Just because men are more likely to be okay with having a past doesnt mean its right when women take the same nonchalant approach to it just because women have some sick need to copy everything men do just to prove a point, wrong is wrong regardless of gender, two wrongs dont make a right. That would have been more sensible, mature advice that could apply to everyone no?
Because the truth is it is much easier for a girl to have an intimate past (even the most average looking girl gets approached or hit on) than it is a guy who often gets rejected numerous times before a girl even gives him the time of day. Indirectly advocating or implicitly condoning that it’s okay to have an intimate past just to make a gender rights statements is a disservice to the younger girls (and guys) that may be reading your posts.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
slagism FTW 
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Everyone’s experiences are different due to their background, their opportunities and ultimately their choices. Your perspective is based on your own experiences. The one thing I’ve learned is to not assume that other people see the world the same way I do and to be open to other perspectives, and yes - to even hold off judging others.
^ Based on my own experiences, I’ve seen the polar opposite. It wasn’t girls who had more opportunity for an intimate past, but in fact it was the guys because guys could hide it or justify it. The number of times I was introduced to guys or knew guys within the larger social circle, who admitted to having an intimate past or to being social drinkers or club-goers or someone who didn’t observe halal/haraam was surprising and while the first few times I was shocked, after a while it stopped being a shocker.
The worst of it, was I didn’t/don’t have a past since I did all of the right things, when these same guys asked me about my past – I had nothing to tell and I could swear on the Quran to that effect. But these guys with the past were reluctant to believe that I might actually live and abide by these moral principles – the would ask really intrusive questions and would be skeptical of my answers. Again, this just coincides with the idea that people will judge others through the lens of their own experiences.
These same guys would pull out the: “it was a youthful mistake and I’ve moved past it and if Allah (swt) can forgive me because I’ve repented, why are you judging me?” card. And really, what can you say to that? Do you tell the person that their sins are unforgiveable and then bring down Allah’s (swt) wrath upon yourself for having judged the person.? Or do you accept each person is accountable for their own actions and pray that may Allah (swt) give them hidayat and show them the right way? The whole idea of *tauba *– it’s a very challenging idea for us fallible humans to accept. But what makes me reluctant to condemn or judge someone is: if He accepts a misguided/wayward person’s repentance and tauba and yet I continue to judge or condemn that same person, isn’t He going to judge me for my own actions and hold me accountable for having judged someone?
The point of this is – each of us lives our lives and makes our own share of mistakes, and all we can do is ask that He give hidayat to those who have strayed (guys and girls) and to help each of us ensure that our amaal and actions are worthy of Him.
No one is trying to justify the misdeeds either gender – we all know what is right and wrong – but condemning them and pretending to have moral superiority over them – I truly fear the idea that it might displease Him.
Oh one more thing – to not judge someone and to consider that person for marriage are two different matters. When it comes to marriage, everyone has their own preferences including the lifestyle choices their prospective partner has made. And if the person’s lifestyle choices are ones that you cannot live with, so be it. Move on! (though, the guys with an intimate past who would judge and dismiss a girl with the same past, or vice versa – really don’t have a leg to stand on :halo: )
Anyhoo, those are my 2 cents. I’ll jump off of my soapbox. Carry on!
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
thanks for contributing and providing another perspective..always interesting to hear..i didnt say more girls have pasts than guys..i agree more guys tend to have pasts than girls..all i was saying was girls tend to have have MORE opportunities so it’s EASIER, doesn’t necessarily mean they actually take advantage of those opportunities, guys tend to act on their more limited opportunities more so than girls..i do agree that men are h*arami they’ll do everything but then judge the girl for it if she does it..my point was that even guys are doing wrong not because theyre judging but because theyre okay with having a past themselves..should reserve that for after marriage instead of fooling around and taking that risk of it hurting your image/being used against you/etc before nikkah..not talking about moral superiority or anything
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
This reminded me of something my brother told me once. He said NEVER trust a guy. No matter how much of a gentlemen man he is to you, he’s probably still a har*mi inside. If he opens the door for you, it’s only to check you out as you walk past him. Until this guy marries you, you have to believe he’s a turd because that’s just how men do.
I had some difficulty believing what he said, because a) i have never seen or heard of my brother ever doing such a thing and neither has my father so i always end up thinking men can’t possibly be that bad if i’m surrounded by such nice ones. b) i figured he was just saying all this from a brother’s perspective to protect his sister. I know it’s a child like thought but i like to think people have SOME degree of humility to them.
That being said, in regards to this thread, as a girl, i would have 4 questions for a guy who i would consider to marry:
- Have you had any girlfriends, if so, how many?
- Are you still in contact with any of these girls?
- Do you still love any of these girls/ how important are they still to you?
- Do you regret any of these activities?
That’s all i want to know. I don’t care if he has had sexual relations with her because i’m not going to judge him for it as long as he repents it. I don’t care how many there have been, i just need to know if he’s over them and not in contact with any of them. If there is any ambiguity to any of his answers, game over. He has to be assertive and clear with his answers. I’m not playing any game here, it’s about the rest of our lives and being straight forward is the way to go…in my humble opinion.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
If you believe in questioning the past, dont get into relationship with someone with the past else you will end up like OYMWA’s post
Past is called “past” for a reason. Dont let it affect your future and if you cant handle it, stay away.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
If people do not like to discuss their past, its better not to entertain a rishta where they are questioned about the past.
However, problems arise when people want to pursue a man for marriage and then lie or hide even after being questioned, to get married. They then live in fear of being caught, I guess it will not be a happy life.
I know of a couple engaged, where the girl had an affair with an old colleague of the person, she now wants to know how much others know about the nature of their relationship and what has the old flame told others of her relationship to fiancé.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
If you’re not mature enough to know to stay away from what’s forbidden then you’re not mature enough to get married right now.
The whole past thing gets really annoying when we have men who obviously date, goof around and do everything under the planet. Then finally when ready to settle down, focus their laser beams on a woman’s past. Wonderful. Ironic. Dumb.
Also, I have to this day NEVER seen a single positive thing come out of delving into a spouse or potential rishta’s past. Not one.
Lastly…the past is the past for a reason. Even our faith tells us to bury it and leave it. If you have issues with that then its not ME you have a problem with…its Islam itself.
In which case, I’d suggest prayer…namaz always helps.
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Luckily not all women are married to misogynists who can’t get around the fact that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to study or work after marriage or believe ‘equality’ is a dirty word..
Some of us actually have loving and supportive husbands who are happy to treat us as equals and and don’t need us to be subservient for them to feel better about themselves..
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
Lol none of those misogynists things even apply to me..that’s exactly my point that none of this has to be made into a gender rights issue or issues of equality..that’s not the issue at hand but you girls keep making it into one..your reply just proved my comment..thanks 
Re: Men - would you lie about your past if questioned?
^Perhaps you should try and improve your comprehension skills.. I was replying to the first point in your post..
You called it ‘acting tough’ and question whether people who think the way we do are like this in real-life because ‘no way this attitude would work in real life with anyone regardless of gender and definitely not with a spouse.’
As I replied there are a few of us here happily married and therefore able to prove you those who think they know it all despite having little to basically no experience of married life or relationships completely wrong..