What do you get when you cross a man with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things even a pig won’t do.
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
Why don’t men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why didn’t the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said ‘18-40 lbs’.
Why do men come home drunk and leave their clothes on the floor?
Because they are in them.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we’d only have to pay her half as much.
What’s the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
What’s the difference between a man and an ox?
Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they’ve never done it.
What is a “successful hunting trip” ?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
What’s the difference between a man and Bigfoot?
One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.
