Why do men ruin perfectly good relationships with periodic bursts of temper that are most likely directed towards their spouses?
I have seen my father doing it, my brother, uncles, father in law, and now my husband. They can be perfect for months till one day you get into an argument with them and they say something that leaves you speechless and shocked. It makes you question all the good times and the love declarations.
Is this universal behavior for men?
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
umm as a calm/composed man..no? seems more like it's a problem with men in your family.
I have also seen numerous family friends do it
Women ... Anyone can do this. Why just men?
Men, high tempers, and relationships
Rutab, it's not uncommon. I think everyone has a boiling point. If it is not a normal every week type fit then there is probably something more deeply rooted that is bothering him and he may have not opened up about it. My advice would be to sit down and LISTEN to him, even if he is angry with you and you feel like you are being blamed and soak it in. If you guys have a good relationship then maybe you should let him win this one and just take it on your self to let it go. If the things he said shocked you because it is not like him to behave that way then instead of hurting, put your emotions aside and just understand where he could be coming from. Good natured men don't just go on hissy fits but we sometimes can take our husbands for granted and even though may not be vocal about it, everybody needs a break every now and then. If your fighting about something and he begins to get to that shocking point then understand that maybe in those times, it's your turn to back down and just let it go. It really hard for us to do that but a little patience during a fight like that will help him and he'll come back around. I can only go off your information given but hopefully that's helps. Can't really answer for all of the men of course.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
No, it's not universal behavior for men.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
I behave like that at times 
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
Andi it shouldnt be univerisal behaviour neither men nor man:)
may Allah protect us Ameen
A hurtful thing may be said by either spouse. And always remember , don't dwell on things said in anger.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
Why do men ruin perfectly good relationships with periodic bursts of temper that are most likely directed towards their spouses?
I have seen my father doing it, my brother, uncles, father in law, and now my husband. They can be perfect for months till one day you get into an argument with them and they say something that leaves you speechless and shocked. It makes you question all the good times and the love declarations.
Is this universal behavior for men?
We my dear friend are a highly emotional culture and emotionalism is not necessarily considered a negative personality trait, we are quick to proclaim the deepest love for someone we hardly know and the very next day we despise their existence, in cultured surroundings children are raised with several years of early childhood training of emotional control, the only way a human child learns is by observing, parents that yell in front of their children will raise yellers.
If the abusive outbursts were an integral part of their makeup, I am curious to know as to why some of these macho, macho men will have] outbursts against defenseless women and children and are almost subservient in front of people more powerful then them.
I am surprised to see so many people defending spousal abuse and somehow try to put the blame on the victim, various societies decided to take a stand against spousal abuse and have made great progress.
Love and fear don't live in the same place, I want my family to love me and not fear me, the love and sparkle in their eyes is worth more than anything in life.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
@stone cold. Ya sure..but we are also given a control for our tongue..as to what we utter or what not. For example, swearing and abusive words come out like no tomorrow. Ya..we all get angry..but there is a remedy to deal with it. Yes..we are human being and bound to make mistakes...but it ain't no mistake when..father, mother, husband, wife, siblings..do say hurtful stuff. Like ya know..ya can't take the words back easily. One should be mindful of what you are saying with your mouth..it can hurt a lot.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
Its 'coz women don't know when to stop........they will keep pushing and pushing and pushing........and there is only so much patience a man has.........
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
I have never witnessed my dad have a burst of anger. He's a very calm, polite, confident man and expresses any disagreement in the same peaceful tone. All his brothers are like this too, I see the same composure mirrored in his friends outside the family, so I don't think it's universal at all.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
Why do women ruin perfectly good relationships with constant bursts of nagging that are most likely directed towards their spouses? :(
Wow really really great advice here. Pretty much everything you said, i have witnessed it to be true. There usually does turn out to be an underlying context. At which point patience and communication solve the problems.
And you’re also right in that we take our husbands for granted
You’re probably right but it’s so difficult for me to forget even after forgiving
I’ve heard this rationale so many times. Granted women can be annoying sometimes and really test a man’s level of patience; but In turn how far are men allowed to go off on the woman? Yell at her, scream, insult her, her family, hit her…? There is no limit to a temper outburst which is the scariest part.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
Women test a guy's patience? There are numerous ways that one's patience can be tested throughout the day.
It is not confined to nagging or even one saying something to deliberately provoke the other.
Sometimes a remark can be wrongly perceived and blown out of proportion.
Other times a person doesn't even have to say a word. Their silence, deliberate or otherwise, can "test" your patience.
It may even be more simple than silence. The very sight of you can test someone's patience.
It could be something out of one's control...a majboori such as an illness, unemployment, or some sort of delay can test your patience.
It could be a misassumption or an accident, some undeliberate carelessness that can test your patience.
Heck even something a person says/does out of concern or love....with good/ sincere intentions that can "test" your patience.
A screaming child can test your patience, a traffic jam, an incompetent coworker, not enough salt in your salan, etc etc.
Sometimes the other person doesn't even know what things can provoke you...or what things they have unknowingly done over x amount of time that have been silently amassing under your skin even despite sincere apologies only to rear their ugly head at you at a later point.
Patience can be tested in variety of ways...not just limited to the "tester's" tongue/words. Nor does the other person always deliberately attempt to hurt you or "test" you.
***It's a two-way street. The one who is feeling "tested" also has the responsibility of controlling their temper and tongue/actions. That anger can lead to the utterance of words that can be more hurtful than the ones you felt "tested" by in the first place.....it can lead to the breakdown of relationships....to violence even.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
OP, most likely you already know in the back of your mind that not all men have a bad temper. Despite seeing this trait in many of the men in your family, I'm sure that you have seen or heard of men that are exceptions. Also, I'm sure that you have seen women and children with nasty tempers as well. Usually blanket statements are made when one is feeling frustrated....but unfortunately it results in the posters putting more effort in "refuting" the blanket statement than addressing the issue.
Re: Men, high tempers, and relationships
You're probably right but it's so difficult for me to forget even after forgiving
That might be the problem lol. Just don't get so over emotional, and if you are forgiving then GENUINELY forget as well. Bringing up old fights that lead into another new one, how counter productive right?