what is it and why is it? how do you define Mehr?
what are the reasons for it for having been stipulated on the man to offer to the woman he marries?
how is it set at a value?
at what value is it set?
is there exploitation on the part of the offerer and the receiver?
what does it mean to receive it?
should it be forgiven?
who forgives it?
is it appreciated when it is forgiven?
share your thoughts on Mehr.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Mehr
i never understood mehr myself since everyone had different opinions and view on it 
my mom said its up to the dulha but then i read somewhere that a guy can’t get married unless he gives mehr and its preferred that he gives according to his “hasiat”
there’s a story about how this man had once asked the prophet (sw) that he’s too poor to provide for a mehr so our prophet answered that " you can teach your wife quran which will be her mehr" 
but i’m still confused on what it is exactly ?
ps forgive me if the story is correct word to word
Re: Mehr
bisoux, this is beautiful. that he could teach her reading Quran sharif.
it will be nice to know, what made him leave his marriage?
but the connotations which people have given to the mehr today is that as a compensation for having spent time as an intimate partner during marriage, if and when the man leaves the marriage, he will give this.
so people put its price high so that a man will have a hard time to pay it to the woman.
what do you think, will this mentality do, to the basis of a marriage?
Re: Mehr
Mehr (Alimony) is the form of financial guarantee, and a way of support that a man is obligated to provide to the woman he is marrying. It can be set at anything. Often people decide on an amount that is fair, as not to burden the groom so much. This mehr may be paid right away, or at the time of divorce. Is it certainly upto the bride to take it or leave it. To demand it or forgive it. It is to protect the women and give them a higher degree so that they may have some financial support for a time, should they pursue divorce, in that, the woman will not have to depend on others because she will use that Mehr for her expenses.
However, if the bride chooses not to set a Mehr at the time of Nikkah (marriage contract), then she may or may not get any support. Nikkah is the binding contract between two people at the time of marriage. And Islam permits it to have any conditions which are fair in the light of faith. A wife may not make unjust demands that would force the husband extreme labor or hurt in any way.
Re: Mehr
teggy, the whole thing is about why is it a financil security and against what????
losing the man, in case he decides to leave the wife??
Re: Mehr
Yes and No.
It's like this. It comes down to Wife's rights over the Husband, and Husband's right over the wife.
Mehr is amongst one of the material rights that wife has over husband.
Mehr is in case that they get divorced, her parents are not around, her siblings cannot/wish not to support her, then she would be able to use that Mehr to sustain herself for a while. Mind you, she can still get remarried.
So it is a security against uncertainty, although the divorce is not thought as likely at the beginning of a relationship, but it is considered.
Re: Mehr
Here is the simplest explanation I found:
The man should give a mutually agreed upon amount as what the Islamic Shari`ah (law) terms as ‘Mehr’ to the woman. The factors that may be considered in the settlement of the amount of ‘Mehr’ include the financial position and the social status of the man and the woman. A woman may refuse marriage merely on the basis of the fact that she considers the amount of ‘Mehr’ to be inadequate. ‘Mehr’ is a basically a token from the man, given to his wife, to express and symbolize the fact that he is willing and capable to fulfill the financial responsibility of the family that would be formed subsequent to the marriage contract. It may be mentioned here that although Islam does not prohibit a woman to take up a financial activity of her choice, yet puts the ultimate responsibility of providing for the family on the husband.
www.understanding-islam.com
More detailed one for the Hanafi Fiqh:
Allah Ta’ala says: “Indeed we know what we have enjoined upon them for their wives.” (Surah Ahzaab Aayat 50)
This Aayat implies that Allah Ta’ala in his infinite knowledge knows the rights of the wife that are due upon the husband. The Hanafi Scholars state that amongst the rights mentioned in the above verse is the right of mehr (dowry) also.
There is a stipulated amount in Allah’s knowledge, which Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) highlighted in a Hadith reported by Jaabir (Radhiallaahu Anhu) not to be less than ten dirhams. Ibn Abi Hatim (R.A) has recorded this narration with the sanad (chain of narrators) and Hafiz Ibn Hajar (R.A) has stated that its status is no less than Hasan.
Minimum Mehr
Therefore according to the Hanafi Scholars the mehr can not be less than ten dirhams. Infact less than ten dirhams will not even be regarded as mehr.However there is no maximum limit of mehr, although to stipulate a very mehr is not preferred. Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) said: “Do not stipulate the dowry of women to high. If (doing so) was a token of honour in this world or a source of piety by Allah than your Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) should have been more worthy of it.” (i.e. of stipulating a high mehr) Tirmizi Pg.212
I once heard you can give a kiss, if the wife is ready to accept it, as mehr? Is that correct?
Re: Mehr
& whose fault will it be and who gives the security against ownself, upfront?
you think one can buy one's way out?
if a woman were to do so, how would a man feel?
the compensation for having been with.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Mehr
It's one of the given rights for a female. He bears that responsibility, even if the marriage didn't work out due to both or just her fault. It is one of the duties put on the man.
Re: Mehr
what is it and why is it? how do you define Mehr? what are the reasons for it for having been stipulated on the man to offer to the woman he marries? how is it set at a value? at what value is it set? is there exploitation on the part of the offerer and the receiver? what does it mean to receive it? should it be forgiven? who forgives it? is it appreciated when it is forgiven?
i dont believe that it has much to do with 'compensation for intimate time spent with wife'. that sounds so 'wrong' from what i understand, mehr is a recognition of your wife's status, and is supposed to act as a financial guarantee in case of a divorce. The financial guarantee has to be enough to support the wife for a fair amount of time after divorce.....that is why mehr should be proportional to man's earning capacity.
how is it set at a value?
i dont believe theres a formula for this. The only criteria is the mans earning ability...
at what value is it set?
depends on what the man earns, and how much his net worth is.
is there exploitation on the part of the offerer and the receiver?
yes...offerers often try to get out of paying it by assuring that divorce is not gonna happen
what does it mean to receive it?
probably nothing to the bride....since i assume that the sorrow from a divorce is far too much to be overcome by some monetary amount.
should it be forgiven?
it could be...since it probably doesnt mean much. but its a womans right, and husbands obligation.
who forgives it?
only the wife can.
is it appreciated when it is forgiven?
well...i guess a husband would appreciate it no doubt, since mehr is not payable after divorce...its payable on the wedding night itself.
Re: Mehr
well interesting
it’ll be nice to just forgive the poor guy i guess 
dushwari: he didn’t leave his marriage 
…maybe i wrote something else by mistake
Re: Mehr
At the time of divorce, can the court under islamic law enforce the guy to pay up mehr? What if the girl initiated the divorce for her own selfish reasons and was living well off with her parents?
Re: Mehr
^ mehr is only to be paid if the man divorces the wife....
if the woman seeks divorce on no sound basis, its called khula'a and in that case the man is not to pay the mehr, and if he has already paid it, the woman has to return it to him....