Re: meddling family
to u dude. :k:
Re: meddling family
I can't say much for the mother-in-law situation, since I don't have one.
The cousin: You say she's looking for a job? How long has she been in the house for? Is there any way that YOU can help her look for a job or encourage her into at least getting her hands on some odd end job for the time being, just so that she can get on her own two feet? You're a working man - have a heart to heart talk with her and TELL her that she's not going to be much of a working woman if she doesn't take the initative to do things on her own - maybe she needs to put more effort into her job search? Maybe she's doing something really wrong like blowing interviews because of personality-problems. Etc.
The cousin sounds to be single - so she might also be experiencing jealousy that her younger cousin (your wife) is married and has children. You don't need to set her rishta up, but maybe introduce her to some guys? And do it discreetly, like bring your single buddies home on Saturday to watch the football game or something.
Regardless, if none of that works, then you and your wife need to tell her that if she doesn't get her act together, you guys can't continue supporting her financially. She has to eventually do it on her own, like everyone else. Or find some poor guy and marry him.
Re: meddling family
One thing I can tell you very easily to put your mind at ease (or may be not) is that whatever you do, both of them will always tell other people that you didn't take care of them well. So if you are shying away from taking extreme steps for fear ke log batein na baneyein... then worry not ... woh banayein gay. Take the best decision for your family and your piece of mind.
Some egos will get hurt, and that should be expected.
Handle the MIL with care, though. Parents have a lot of rights over their kids, and even if the parents are wrong, you and your wife should be patient and deal with the situation with compassion and dignity. Yeah, I am old-fashioned in this matter.
Re: meddling family
Hmm your mom in law can't take the kids with her!! Coz its your kids not hers haan unke grandchilderens to hain lekin uske matlab to nahi hai ke woh bachon ko saath leke jarehi hain Pk. I wonder why she reacting like this, (your mom in law)
Re: meddling family
It's time for an intervention and reality check. MIL and cousin both need to be sat down and a big family discussion needs to take place. First of all cousins estimated date is now up. Bring up this fact with her and mention that the kids need their own room now..in their own home. It's too bad you can't create a contract with family, but it's just plain rude of her to totally take advantage of your kindness. She could atleast act like she appreciates all you and your wife have done for her. But she ignores you and is acidic? Do you think if the roles were reversed that she would help out your wife?
MIL is a little more tough situation. Since she mentioned she wants to go back home. Give her that opportunity but kindly. Tell her that maybe she just needs to take a break now and have some distance. (Not a very Desi concept) However, mothers can never be rational. Expect hurt feelings. She is overly controlling and smothering to your wife. So your wife needs to let her know that she is now an adult and will make the decisions in raising her kids. There are always nice ways to say things, but her mother will obviously be offended and in true desi fashion may stop speaking to her. But your wife seems to be at her wits end. Your duty as a husband is to give her support in this, as you are. And next time, even family needs a written contract!!