based on the tag that is going around thanks to weinstein
" I was around 7; by a close cousin who was in his late teens then ". Without going into too much detail, it was somewhat bad but not as much as what some of my friends have gone through. I was too scared and young to speak up then.
I see this relative quite often and weirdly enough there is no anger and we are in very good terms. He probably thinks I don’t remember and I’ve never brought it up with any family member. I know him now as a loving father and husband. Again in no way justifying his actions nor to I have any stockholm syndrome or such but I don’t know why that’s the case. Maybe because I don’t care and never have or maybe I was too young or I have a very strong personality or am very self confident. It hasn’t really impacted me in any way or maybe it has subtly and I don’t know.
I have had other cases of when I travel back home and go out; groping and such in theaters etc (but I think that’s common). I’ve also had some inappropriate “accidental”!!! touching during family functions by some pervert uncles (in my teens). Now I am more aware and will smack anyone down if it happened
I’ve a few friends (male and female) who have gone through much worse. For some it left a mark and some have moved on.
It was when I was around 5-6 and my grandparents’ “trusted” chauffeur would make me turn around, twist my arms to my back and hold his junk. yeah, quite repulsive. I was too young to understand back then. He used to bribe us with candy. I thought he was like my “uncle” and everyone trusted him as he had been working for the family for years long. I think he did it to my other cousin as well. I almost wanted to throw up whenever I saw him later when I eventually realized. We moved to the US for good a while later, though. I really don’t have the confidence to confide in my parents because I feel like I’ve been conditioned to remain shut. I never gave it a thought until I realized how I was wronged.. He never groped me, But I do recall hearing him make…sounds…shudders sorry for the explicitness. I’m heartbroken as to how prevalent sexual abuse and molestation is. And how many of us don’t speak up..but i’m glad you made this thread. It’s kind of comforting.
I want to call it the worst thing in life, but its definitely very close to the worst. I’m speechless to read the stories.
But atleast people are coming up together to say about these dark aspects which are most of the times “let go” just because nobody else can understand what the victim goes through.
Not to make it political but we saw 27 brave women coming out against the most powerful man in US but not enough people took them serious and then that powerful man got elected as President and is now putting entire world in danger.
And what I’m hoping now is that women in the east should also come together and speak against this evil act. I wish nobody ever has to go through this and those who have, get justice they deserve.
Sexual abuse and harassment… I see this clearly and want to raise awareness about it…
1- Child sexual abuse… victim is too innocent… does not aware of what is going on… like first post of this discussion…
Sometime… victim itself feel guilty… that I am the problem and blame itself … while thinks… predator behavior is normal… This is the issue most victim face…
2- Sexual Harassment: This is the case of gender in power… abuse adult victim and convince victim that this favor will lead victim in better position… Mostly happens at workplace.. people like Harvey are predators…
Both type of abuse is condemn able… But I feel 1st one is most dangerous form of abuse… Predator is relative, family member or neighbors… Guardian trust them… but they backstab… My recommendation… never ever trust them when it comes your child… In these case… children themselves are in difficult situation… they see their parents are friends with predator… predator is friendly but doing stuff… while some of them are too innocent and can not translate those behavior until they reached to the age of maturity… but before then they blame themselves…
It’s hard to speak up about this stuff when you think you’re the only one going through it.
It happened to me and one of the guys I knew on Facebook who was a friend. He forced himself on me. I was a lot younger back then so you feel a sort of paralysis when it happens. I wanted to scream but only my eyes could see what was happening because you’re in a state of shock that this person you saw in such a sweet way is attempting to do the most repulsive things.
I reported it to the family but his family did nothin but slapped him on the wrist and that’s it.
The hardest is when it’s your own direct family member that inappropriately touches you. You can’t report it. I told my mother but since he is so close to her, she didn’t believe it or didn’t want to believe it. I am fully covered from head to toe so it has nothing to do with how a woman is dressed. This was hard because my own flesh and blood doesn’t believe it so I’ve tried to avoid thinking of the times when it happened especially when I have to be around this person. The way I used to see him, is completely different now. That respect is gone, I just feel disgust deep down when I see him.
I’ve had many nasty experiences. I’ll tell about the one I had in my family, as people should realise this is as much a problem in our own Pakistani culture as it is in western cultures. This happened when I was 18/19 years old. I had been married off to my cousin in France. He broke his promise that after marriage he would allow me to finish my education in the Netherlands and even come to live in the Netherlands if I wanted. Family members took his side to all bully together with him into stopping my education and joingin him in France. There his younger brother began harrassing me. His own wife was in hospital to deliver his first child. And every time I was cleaning the house or cooking in the kitchen, he would sneak up to me and tell me he thought I was prettier than his wife, he wanted to touch and kiss. I was in shock, and kept wondering what I did wrong. I kept saying no. I asked him if he had no shame. He was about to have his first child, and I was the wife of his older brother. Eventually, when he didn’t stop, I said I would tell everyone. He said nobody would believe me. And that’s what happened when I did tell about this eventually. Everyone blamed me. Nothing had happened between us, because every time he tried to kiss or touch me, I refused him and if possible, I would go to a different room where his other brothers were or one of his parents. Yet, I was the one who was accused of being a bad person. My father in law said that if a female had virtue and was pious, no man would try to do to her what his younger son tried to do to me. He said it was all my fault. They all blamed me. Everyone kept saying that if a female is harrassed or raped, it’s all her own fault. My own husband, who should have protected me, joined everybody in blaming me instead. In hindsight, that shouldn’t have shocked and surprised me, given the way he had always treated me. It seems as a female, you don’t really have anyone on your side, only Allah.
I don’t tell this story often. Nor do I speak about my other experiences often. As if it isn’t terrible enough to go through something awful, it’s very hurtful and adds to the pain when people you tell about it either don’t believe you or start victim blaming. Of all my terrible experiences, this is the least worst that happened in my life, and even this least worst was very nasty. I’m prepared to people here saying they don’t believe me either. To the females who experienced something similar, know that you are not alone and it is not our fault!
@Sahdia77 Unfortunately I am not surprised that they blamed you. It is very wide spread in Pakistan, this harassment of girls in families. Some one I know also went through a similar thing and when she informed the guy’s mother. The mother was like “boys will be boys, what do you expect?” Ugh just gross. Very sorry you had to go through that!
I used to think it was our culture that was so anti-woman, always blaming women for all the problems etc,not believing victims…I’ve been off this site for a while now and I readnews comments in otherplaces, and it’s sickening to see that this crappy mindset is in every single segment of society… rich poor black white asian etc. its sad.
I found it completely crazy that we were actually thinking that a woman would be voted in as president. I’m not making this a political thread but the way the non desi guys and women I’m around talk, it’s amazing we actally thought it could be possible. Just by observation, with how things are now, with my own experiences, our mindset, as men and women, it’s far from reality.
The things some professional women do or are made to do to get to a top position or opportunity, how some men don’t see why that’s sickening.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.