Some people hurt themselves too much. Tearing clothes, hiting hands on head VERY hard, not eating, sleeping or praying…etc. A relative showed me a shocking pic of the time few months after her husbands death. Her face had only skull & skin, with very dark deep black circles around her eyes.
A person went to a relative’s house for “dua”, the new widow embraced him while crying hard. It was embaracing for him as it was not right.
ANYONE can become the “victom”. HOW to train oneself (beforehand) to keep one’s emotions/ actions/ **words/ senses (**on such occasions) within a “modest limit” so that later one is able to “FACE” the people who saw them mourning ?
The ONLY way out is education! it is through ignorance that ppl do such things... it happened to my Chachoo as well; the next door neighbours Bahu almost embrased him after finding out her FIL had passed on! how awkward!
That is why Islam tells us to enjoing Sabr AT the time of calamity... and mourning to only last 3 days.
And the thing with the widow you mentioned; she herself may be suffereing, but its not like she has any other choice... ladies are meant to wear sober clothing, take off all their jewellry etc way after their husband's death! Aisey jaisey they should stop living too!
^ oh yes, I think that is called the iddat period for a widow and it does last about the time youv'e mentioned.
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4926). *
What I meant is that ppl in general, like daughters/ sons/ etc are allowed to mourn for up to 3 days at the death of a loved one.
A bit off topic but like the girls and guy in their teenage and who get a good education do it when they are depressed, in love or some simply find it cool...some do it also because they are shia...i dont think that even education can stop this :s a lot of my own friends used to do it like hurt themselves badly when they loved some guys or because they saw it in some teen flick.