one of my relatives who is in tableeghi has a “pir” [extremely religious person with a following of “mureeds”]…his pir is extremely revered and religious famous in pak…
my relative’s wife went to the pir’s house on a shaadi…and there she met the pir’s daughter…she was surprised to see that the daughter was quite “modern” by the pir’s standards: like, she was not wearing burqa, hijab etc and she had short hair and was wearing fitted kapre n makeup etc.
my relative’s wife asked her why she was so “modern” when her father was such a big pir and told his own murshids to make their wives, sisters and mothers do purdah.
she said, before i was married i used to do purdah but after i got married my husband didn’t like me to do purdah so i consulted my father (the pir) and he said do what ur husband asks u to do, coz thats where ur marital success lies, “maslehat” isi mein hae.
hmmm…i guess this is the typical desi attitude…n i can see why it makes sense…whether theres room for “maslehat” in islam is debatable…and can be looked at from different viewpoints…
but to what extent can one do “maslehat”
a friend of mine had an arranged marriage with her cousin but he used to live away from home and they didnt know a lot of stuff abt him, he led a different life away from home and had a different outward image. after they got married her husband thought praying namaz was “old fashioned and paindoo” and forbade her to. even after marriage he used to have female friends over who would visit him and they used to smoke/drink sitting together :S and he would call her to join them. she would even go to sit with them :S but when she refused to smoke/drink he said she did not care for his happiness and did not want to mix up with his friends :S
and from what i have heard this kind of thing is becoming somewhat common in “high class” pakistani society…
they had a child too and their child was also growing up seeing that lifestyle of the father…
my friend tried for many years to subdue her sense of right and wrong and live this weird life but when she saw all this having a wrong effect on her child…she ended up getting khula…
i was discussing with a cousin of mine and she said that that was my friend’s “zidd” and “ana” which she should have given “qurbani” of and done “samjhota” n just listened to her husband..
abt the child she said: whats more important for the child: morals or baap ka saya
hmmm
so she also has a point there, specially abt the child needing baap ka saya :S
if u have very strong morals abt certain things, like duniya aar kee paar ho jayay u wouldnt budge on them…would u compromise on them based on what ur life partner wants? ofcourse there r different levels of bad things…and also ideally such a situation should not arise b/c shaadi dekh daakh kar karni chahiye to a person whose lifestyle is similar. but sometimes things do come up abt the other person abt which u had no prior knowledge. but at the end of the day is it possible to live such a life that contradicts with ur sense of right and wrong…? and apnay aap ko toh banda phir bhee mita sakta hae, but when u have kids, what values do u impart to them?
are morals nothing but “zidd” and “ana” ? coz those of us who insist on having “morals” its not like we dont commit sins or dont break the rules in other matters, we are not perfect by any means, so why should we get stuck on any issue? and why shud we think our moral standards r the best ones, that is hamaray iqdaar sab se achay hayn? lekin how can a Muslim not think that Islami Iqdaar r the best one?
