my khala, mom and i were talking last night about a female we know who recently got divorced. it was a very complicated case, there was a lot of family pressure involved.
i am kind of close to that female and a few months before her divorce i had asked her if she still liked her husband. and she was like yeah irem i do. i was like, huh, wth! u like him and u guys are getting divorced??? why don’t u try to patch things up? she said it was beyond patching up because the family circumstances were such.
there was another female who also took khula from her husband because her susraal had sent her to her meka and her whole family was telling her that he was a no-good person, yet even a month before her divorce she had contacted the dude and tried to reconcile.
khala, mom and i were discussing this and i was like this is so unfortunate that these girls still liked those guys but got divorced? my mom said “mashriqui aurat hoti hi aisi hae. us k saamnay kisi baans [pole] pe bhee kapra charha k usay ye keh do ke ye tumhara khawand hae toh woh usay pyaar karnay lagay gi and hamesha usi se wafa karay gi chahay woh banda jo bhee kar le”
hmmmmmm
i was thinking about it and i was thinking yeah thats true in 90% of the cases…but…isnt this completely and totally pathetic?
a little selfishness is good sometimes for one’s own sanity. self sacrifice may be noble but one’s own happiness is also important. why doesnt the mashriqui aurat not realise this…? is it something in pakistani water or pakistani air that makes women like this …? hawa ya pani ka asar hae…? or are we cursed…? i think the latter
a little selfishness is good sometimes for one's own sanity. self sacrifice may be noble but one's own happiness is also important.
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yep when others (ur family) dont care abt ur happiness u have to be selfish sometimes...i dont see nething wrong wid that....not everyone is like that ..it has nothing to do wid eastren or westren women , depends on person .
a little selfishness is good sometimes for one's own sanity. self sacrifice may be noble but one's own happiness is also important. why doesnt the mashriqui aurat not realise this...? is it something in pakistani water or pakistani air that makes women like this ...? hawa ya pani ka asar hae...? or are we cursed...? i think the latter
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.. may be self-sacrifice is cause of happiness of those women! a little selfishness may be totally unacceptable to them.. every person perceives happiness in different ways..
.. may be self-sacrifice is cause of happiness of those women! a little selfishness may be totally unacceptable to them.. every person perceives happiness in different ways..
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so u want them to be unhappy! sacrifice is the essence of our culture .. u must have seen couples in the west in general take their careers more important than family.. happiness is intangible - one cant thrust views on others.. can u explain people who sacrifice their lives for friends or their country that being a little sefishness can be rewarding..
so u want them to be unhappy! sacrifice is the essence of our culture .. u must have seen couples in the west in general take their careers more important than family.. happiness is intangible - one cant thrust views on others.. can u explain people who sacrifice their lives for friends or their country that being a little sefishness can be rewarding..
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sigh
ab mein kya kahoon...sometimes words are not enough to communicate ones thoughts and views accurately on an issue and i think i'll remain silent rather than say something and risk being judged wrongly on this sensitive matter :)
ab mein kya kahoon...sometimes words are not enough to communicate ones thoughts and views accurately on an issue and i think i'll remain silent rather than say something and risk being judged wrongly on this sensitive matter :)
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Irem, please do say what you think instead of holding it back.. :)
IMO, this whole sacrificing mashriqi aurat BS is a sham that has been fed into Pakistani women's brains. sacrifice is a two-way street. if only the women are sacrificing, then there is something wrong. and it is not the kind of sacrifice that will make for a healthy relationship.
but as I said in the other thread, if the women can't figure it out, then perhaps they deserve to be manipulated this way. when a girl gets married to a total jackass, she can't leave him because talaq is a kaala dhaba on her family. then she has kids with the guy and then she can't leave him at all. because what about the kids! well maybe she should realize that there is more to life than sacrifice, her parents/husband? and that something more would be her own self.
in order to change this culture of abuse and manipulation, women have to take charge themselves.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by irem: *
my mom said *"mashriqui aurat hoti hi aisi hae. us k saamnay kisi baans [pole] pe bhee kapra charha k usay ye keh do ke ye tumhara khawand hae toh woh usay pyaar karnay lagay gi and hamesha usi se wafa karay gi chahay woh banda jo bhee kar le"
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Your mom sounds like a very wise lady. She is actually mentally preparing you for a pole like hubby.
Yes sawaal mashriqui ya maghribi auraton ka nahi hain. It has to do with women's economic depedence on men in the subcontinent (not just Pakistan). Mashriqui aurate apne mardon par jada depend karti hain maghribi aurotonke muqableme. Thats why they have to put up with crap from their husbands. Let our women be empowered to earn their own living then there will be more respect towards them and less abuse.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by irem: *
*"mashriqui aurat hoti hi aisi hae. us k saamnay kisi baans [pole] pe bhee kapra charha k usay ye keh do ke ye tumhara khawand hae toh woh usay pyaar karnay lagay gi and hamesha usi se wafa karay gi chahay woh banda jo bhee kar le"
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This is such a sweeping statement that arguing against it wud tentamount to offending!
I dont agree. If you refet to women of very old era, I may believe but not now. Even if u have living examples to put forward, I wud suggest having a thorough probe before you believe and propagate it. These are end of times and end of values moments.
Arvind, u do have a point there abt economic independence being tied to it, yet the tarbeeyat we're given about the husband being the 'majazi Khuda' and abt obdedience to ur husband etc etc...i think all that definitely plays a role too...
funguy lolz
hate to admit it :p but missed ur funny comments, welcome back
sambrialian...these are such complicated issues...and each case is so unique...sometimes i just dont know what to think...oh well...always fun to discuss tho :D thanks for sharing ur views :)
** Let our women be empowered to earn their own living then there will be more respect towards them and less abuse.**
You wanna be stupid and sacrifice your happiness and stay with someone who will only make your life miserable fine. That's you're choice and right. But your children are innocent and they did nothing to deserve the same misery.
no one is going to respect a woman unless she respects herself.
so true...
And that same family who forces you to make decisions you don't want will also look the other way when things go bad... and tell you to just shut up and put up... and guess what? they'll even go and blame you for the bad decisions they made on your behalf.