My mom is 10 Martha Stewarts combined in one. I love the woman but that is not me. After spending 2 weeks here - she insists that I need new furtniture.
I don’t particually desire new furniture. At this point, it is the least of my worries. My house is very “comfy”. With two kiddos, all I need is a functioning office, heat and hot water. Her house is out of pages of “beautiful house” magazine. It has always been like that.
I have had this conversation with her before but somehow I get the feeling that she feels “sorry for me” when she doesn’t need to.
How do you confront your loved ones that have the best intentions in their heart but their choices and priorities in life are not your own?
oh god, i know my cusin has same issue. her hubby earns a low wage, but they get by happily and they have no kids as yet. but her parents insist on buying them dinner or paying for every thing because they think thye dnt have enough money.her parents are lovely and generous, but abit over generous and its sooo dramatic....i dnt know anyone else parents offering to pay for every tiny thing.
It's not about the money. It's just the fact that she feels that having my house a certain way is going to bring me some sort of happiness which I can tell you it's not.
But to her, everything in her house makes her happy. We are very different like that.
She sees value in things that I don't. It's that way about dressing up, acquiring jewelry etc
Oh man - this sounds like a piece out of my family's story.
honestly I dont think there is anyway I can convince my mom - that the stain on the sofa isn't going to bring the world crumbling down.
You NJ - with my mom the problem was that her house was all she had to show for herself. She wasn't a professional and had tons of time and enough money to keep one project or another going on in the house; we don't need to that sort of fulfillment because we've got all this other stuff going on.
But I know you're mom is a working mom so I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe its a generational thing.
Muniya - my mom is a perfect perfectist. If someone gave her choice between "the best physican award" and "the cleanliest home award" I know she would pick the later.
I think it may be generational thing. I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I feel for you njgal ... I don't get this from my mom...but I do get it from my siblings.... and the best thing that works is just say InshAllah I will look into it... in a little while or when the kids are a little bit more grown up.... something along those lines....
You really can't change the way a family member feels about your choices.... best thing is to avoid confrontation and put things off for a later date or something... but whatever you do, don't mention you don't have money or things along those lines... that ends up family members feeling even more sorry for you....
just tell your mom that you don't wanna do it cuz of the lil kids and they'll mess it up and things are better this way and more kids friendly ... and then after a while in a few years or so u can do the change anyways
I feel for you njgal ... I don't get this from my mom...but I do get it from my siblings.... and the best thing that works is just say InshAllah I will look into it... in a little while or when the kids are a little bit more grown up.... something along those lines....
You really can't change the way a family member feels about your choices.... best thing is to avoid confrontation and put things off for a later date or something... but whatever you do, don't mention you don't have money or things along those lines... that ends up family members feeling even more sorry for you....
I can only the blame the little kids for so long. But I am trying to avoid confrontation. They are coming for the holidays so I better come up with some sort of excuse.
actually some of them can be even worse. they can say why didnt u marry a richer guy.
Sara - I don't think it would matter if the guy is rich or not.
Lets say - The other side would be you and your hubby can afford extravogent things and your parents weren't raised like that - then they would say something about you wasting away your money. Changing furniture every year or so.
I have friends they don't have kids. Both are surgeons. If she buys a shirt for over $80 her mom gives her the biggest guilt trip ever . (there are straving children in the world)... She has to hide her expenses from them.
I think parents want the same values and priorities for their kids that they were raised with.
**ohh this is nice because im the martha/hitler of my house:bummer:. I wish my mother would keep everything neat and tidy and color coordinated, with fresh flowers in every bedroom . **
But she doesn’t
For that reason im so mappy i have moved into my own apartment which is spotless with everything in order and when my mom comes she freaks out
i dont mind the martha stewarts if they mind their own business, its when you start looking down on me because i have used furniture or dust in my corners or a small apartment that they can....whatever. :o
Oh Gina - I know your pain. She use to make me run on such errands too.
My mom is anti paper plates, paper napkins and paper anything. She uses fine china and proper dinner settings. I eat my dinner standing up or on the bar stools on kitchen counter.
. **
and when my mom comes she freaks out 
