…someone clearly knows before marriage that one cannot procreate…but other person may.
What do you think of this scenario?
Re: Marrying while...
i think you should tell ur partner before marrying .. otherwise thats veryyyy low if you don't let hte other person know frst
......someone clearly knows before marriage that one cannot procreate...but other person may.
What do you think of this scenario?
If both parties are aware of the situation, and aware of their options (adoption, childlessness), then it's really between them.
PS: I neglected to mention options such as sperm-donation in the cases of male sterility or egg-donation and surrogacy in cases of female sterility, but for various reasons, adoption and childless are less controversial for many.
Re: Marrying while…
Yeah important to let the other person know before marriage … it will just reduce any complications in the marriage later on… plus , both will be able to handle the issue in a much more mature way … Better to lose him before the marriage rather then after the marriage , if he is a runner 
i think you should tell ur partner before marrying .. otherwise thats veryyyy low if you don't let hte other person know frst
That was my first reaction.
But then i was left thinking...............putting myself in that unfortunate place i know i would definately tell the other person but its not as easy as we think. Everyone wants to marry and everyone knows 99% won't marry them if they are not able to have a kid.
Re: Marrying while...
i kno maham ... but wats the point ... u kno ur marriage is goin south as soon as they find out wat u did
^ i know. its better to confront it b4 it bcomes a cause of another disaster in yr life.
Re: Marrying while...
I know a man who married like that. Not known if he told his wife.
The potential spouse needs to be told. It would be very wrong...like zulm....not to do so. It's underhanded.
A friend of mine had told me once how her older sister had once gotten a rishta. And the guy's parents were VERY persistent......about getting the marriage over and done with as soon as possible. (I've heard that it's not unreasonable to be wary of rishtas where there is immense pressure on time). Anyhow......my friend's family became very suspicious about why they wanted to rush things. It was then later found out, through investigation, that the guy was impotent. And this was not revealed at all to the girl's family.....although the guy's family was well aware.
Re: Marrying while...
That's crazy.
There are medical options for various forms of infertility although it is an expensive process.
You can also adopt. And I don't agree that it's not an ideal situation. There is a lot of sawaab and good you do by adoption.
The potential spouse needs to be told. It would be very wrong...like zulm....not to do so. It's underhanded.
A friend of mine had told me once how her older sister had once gotten a rishta. And the guy's parents were VERY persistent......about getting the marriage over and done with as soon as possible. (I've heard that it's not unreasonable to be wary of rishtas where there is immense pressure on time). Anyhow......my friend's family became very suspicious about why they wanted to rush things. It was then later found out, through investigation, that the guy was impotent. And this was not revealed at all to the girl's family.....although the guy's family was well aware.
Regardless of whether that poor gentleman's erectile dysfunction is treatable, the topic at hand is actually infertility.
PS: On a side note: how was "the guy's family" so "well aware" of his erectile dysfunction? shudders I'm less disturbed by the fact that the groom's family didn't notify the girl, than the fact the they all seemed to **know**.
I agree. Honesty is best...but it's not easy. In addition to a potential loss of rishtas, you also have to consider that most people are unable to keep their mouths shut and after rejecting the rishta based on someone's infertility, they would then go out and gossip about it to everyone in sight. Not saying that this gives someone the right to hide it from one's potential spouse...but it's just something you have to consider when pursuing the rishta.
Regardless of whether that poor gentleman's erectile dysfunction is treatable, the topic at hand is actually infertility.
PS: On a side note: how was "the guy's family" so "well aware" of his erectile dysfunction? shudders I'm less disturbed by the fact that the groom's family didn't notify the girl, than the fact the they all seemed to know.
^ I know that the issue is fertility. While impotency may not cause infertility........it can make the conceiving a child more challenging (although now there are various options and treatments). The point here is that if you're aware that you have a problem (WHATEVER it may be)....that will directly affect your spouse.............you have an obligation to inform him/her.
Don't remember the details, but it's possible that perhaps the guy was previously married......perhaps that marriage failed......and things became known. Perhaps he confided in a member of the family. Somehow, it came out.
And there are situations where one finds out about something.....indirectly.....through another or several other parties.
^ I know that the issue is fertility. While impotency may not cause infertility........it can make the conceiving a child more challenging (although now there are various options and treatments). The point here is that if you're aware that you have a problem (WHATEVER it may be)....that will directly affect your spouse.............you have an obligation to inform him/her.
Don't remember the details, but it's possible that perhaps the guy was previously married......perhaps that marriage failed......and things became known. Perhaps he confided in a member of the family. Somehow, it came out.
You make a good point. On a side note: I still can't get over your prior statement that “It was then later found out, through investigation, that the guy was impotent.” How exactly was this “investigation” conducted? Would you say it was sufficiently 'rigorous'? ;-)
Sometimes people don't find out everything about a person. A friend of mine was married to a guy whose family mistreated her.....she got divorced after being married only for 3 months. They guy then married another girl......who was also mistreated. She had heard that her husband was previously married........so she did some research.....got in touch with my friend who confirmed that she had been treated in the same way.....and then dumped him. I don't know....things you didn't know about can come out in the open later on.
Very true. Some idiot fool actually went ahead married my stalker (on short notice, no less)! On the face of things, one almost can't blame her: he's handsome, has a medical degree and a very exotic background. But if someone proposes to you shortly after meeting you, without even introducing you to his family first (a rogues gallery of 'fasiqs' and 'munafiqs', as they say), you'd be bound by common sense to ask some questions. Not this girl: she said yes without hesitation and was married a few months shortly. I can certainly understand her motivation: when you're not particularly photogenic (I'm being extremely kind in my description) but some well educated, handsome stranger meets you and wishes to get married right away, you'd probably jump at the chance. Sure, you'd want your families to meet before you'll agree to something like marriage, but that would only be common sense and this silly b*tch has none. The groom is (in my experience) a stalker, a liar and a complete sociopath, but I still can't feel sorry for the girl; if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
PS: Sorry, I posted the unedited version of your reply.
You make a good point. On a side note: I still can't get over your prior statement that “It was then later found out, through investigation, that the guy was impotent.” How exactly was this “investigation” conducted? Would you say it was sufficiently 'rigorous'? ;-)
Very true. Some idiot fool actually went ahead married my stalker (on short notice, no less)! On the face of things, one almost can't blame her: he's handsome, has a medical degree and a very exotic background. But if someone proposes to you shortly after meeting you, without even introducing you to his family first (a rogues gallery of 'fasiqs' and 'munafiqs', as they say), you'd be bound by common sense to ask some questions. Not this girl: she said yes without hesitation and was married a few months shortly. I can certainly understand her motivation: when you're not particularly photogenic (I'm being extremely kind in my description) but some well educated, handsome stranger meets you and wishes to get married right away, you'd probably jump at the chance. Sure, you'd want your families to meet before you'll agree to something like marriage, but that would only be common sense and this silly b*tch has none. The groom is (in my experience) a stalker, a liar and a complete sociopath, but I still can't feel sorry for the girl; if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
PS: Sorry, I posted the unedited version of your reply.
I'm not sure, Rox. This was a story that my friend has shared years ago, so don't remember the details as to how that information came out....or even if my friend told me. Sometimes, information (that you try your best to hide)....comes out through others. My friend used the word impotent.....perhaps she meant infertile. She said that it became known later on.....don't know how exactly. Not sure. It could have been that the guy was married before....had problems with his former wife....and it came out in the open. Or perhaps it was another source. I'm just guessing here, cuz I don't know the details.
It reminds me of this drama with Mahnoor Baloch and Nauman Ijaz. They have difficulty conceiving and go to the doctor. The tests reveal that he's the one with the fertility issues. He feels that undermines his masculinity........so he lies and tells his wife that SHE is the one who is infertile. He divorces her.....she marries another man. Nauman still loves her and tries to convince her to get a divorce from the second husband and come back to him. She wants to return to Nauman......but finds herself preggers......goes to the SAME doctor......and finds out from the doc that her former husband had the problem. Had she gone to the doctor in the first place to reconfirm the "diagnosis"......so much time would have been saved. It's weird how things come out.....and when they come out.
I know of true examples.....where Alhumdolillah NOW the individuals are well-settled........but formerly the families did not do a thorough investigation. Sometimes......as in the case of your stalker.....the evidence is staring you right in the face. You sense that something isn't right....you don't get a good vibe.....but relatives try to convince you that the person is rich, what have you. Other times.....it's not staring you in the face. THINGS seem perfect! All the qualities are there.......and then you find something out through other people.......or these days through websites like facebook, etc.
It's alright if you've posted the unedited version, I've shared this story before in other threads. Alhumdolillah, the individual is now well-settled and happy. At the last moment, I decided to simplify it without the story.
Re: Marrying while...
Definitely needs to be said before marriage, so there are no nasty surprises and skeletons in the closet.
Telling the truth is always harder than keeping secrets but best in the long run. Don't mess with other's lives. Its not clever or sensible.
I'm not sure, Rox. This was a story that my friend has shared years ago, so don't remember the details as to how that information came out....or even if my friend told me. Sometimes, information (that you try your best to hide)....comes out through others. My friend used the word impotent.....perhaps she meant infertile. She said that it became known later on.....don't know how exactly. Not sure. It could have been that the guy was married before....had problems with his former wife....and it came out in the open. Or perhaps it was another source. I'm just guessing here, cuz I don't know the details.
Errr... Red: the 'rigorous investigation' comment was a joke (and a dirty one at that). Let's just leave it there, shall we?
I know of true examples.....where Alhumdolillah NOW the individuals are well-settled........but formerly the families did not do a thorough investigation. *Sometimes......as in the case of your stalker.....the evidence is staring you right in the face. You sense that something isn't right....you don't get a good vibe.....but relatives try to convince you that the person is rich, what have you. * Other times.....it's not staring you in the face. THINGS seem perfect! All the qualities are there.......and then you find something out through other people.......or these days through websites like facebook, etc.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? IF MY STALKER ACTUALLY HAD MONEY, I WOULDN'T BE MOCKING THAT STUPID LITTLE $HIT; I'D BE APPLAUDING HER AND HER GOLD DIGGING COUP! Being ugly and skint and yet marrying rich is like winning a golf-tournament despite the fact that you have no arms! It's heartwarming, is what it is!
Scratch that: I wouldn't celebrating her, you'd all be celebrating me, because I'd marry that nutty b@stard despite the fact that he used to chase me down at weddings, used the internet to keep tabs on me and gave me nightmares every day of the week. Sure, I might have to walk out of the union a week later, but I'd be walking on brand-new Jimmy Choos! Don't ever suggest otherwise!
Re: Marrying while...
What about more gray line topics like PCOS?
It is more difficult to get pregnant with PCOS, but its not impossible and most women do eventually get pregnant. It just takes a lot more time and a lot more trying. And sometimes you need some medical help.
But there are definitely some PCOS women who will never get pregnant.
How do you deal with that if you know you have PCOS?
I Have PCOS, and have been trying to concieve for a few years now, hubby is fantastic to the point that he's like if we don't have kids then its not meant to be.
We MA have a wonderful marriage, and in his words, it won't take children to confirm that commitment.
Re: Marrying while…
mA ^ you are a very blessed girl to have a hubby like that 
Did he know before the marriage that you had PCOS?