A lot of times parents dont know many people in their community and happen to find rishtas overseas. Obviously if someone is marring you just for visa purposes than it is wrong. However say one of the strong reasons was that their are marrying you for visa. Say they are better looking or that you think they might not think your a good match otherwise.But are one of the “better” options because you ll help them settle abroad. this does not mean they plan on using you for this and then will leave. Maybe one of the things they are looking for in a potential. like some people might look for wealth etc. this is just an added bonus. kind off. not really because thy are willing to overlook things such as attraction? maybe to an extend. Is marrying someone like that risky? Because be real you dont know what anyone’s intentions are. but you do know that you are being favoured because of this. does it mean that in such a situation real value and love wont exist? are you really just being used? will they most probably leave you once they have got what they wanted?
i think the real question is, how would you work out how genuine a person was in such a situation? obviously asking them wont help, anyone even semi intelligent will know pretty well how to deal with such concerns, esp because they are expecting you to be worried regarding this.
Always listen to your gut, this is what they tell girls here. If people are marrying a person for something other than the love they feel for them then that is wrong and there will be problems. Many people are willing to sell their souls to get here. What intentions you have now and what intentions you might have in future are different. I didn’t have good intentions in the beginning but then I fell so hard for her that I could give my life for her.
thats the thing what if you lose someone good because of your own useless doubts . you really dont know if thats all they want. your gut does not always have to be right its just really difficult to tell.
He could be a really nice person, just because he is good looking does not mean he is selfish. My brother was one of the best looking Pakistani man and his looks weren’t compatible with his wife yet have a great relationship and raised a great family. More important than looks is his behavior, does he have a potential to be a good husband and father, is divorce a common occurrence in his family etc. @shaasavera had posted a book link about making anyone fall in love with you. That would be a great book to read.
in arranged marriage setting though were people have left it to their parents usually parents look for girls that compliment their sons well. really well. that’s why it becomes a bit fishy if they are choosing people that are okay and average in the looks department. for their above average sons. but i guess ye the overall nature of the person does say what they are capable of doing , if you are able to work that out before marriage .
Many good looking girls are too full of themselves and could be off-putting for many families. I wouldn’t want my boys to be with girls who think they are a gift to humanity.
People marry those whom will benefit or enrich their life in various ways, regardless of the type of marriage. This is human nature and applies to both men and women, even more so in an arranged rishta process. What has worked for me is istikhara…provided you do it correctly. You’re not looking for dreams or signs or omens. You simply perform the namaz, recite the dua, and ask Allah to close this option for you if it is not in your best interest or to facilitate it and make it happen if it is in your best interest. At the same time, you take practical efforts…you conduct your investigation about the guy to the best of your ability, you ask him the right questions to get to know him and what his expectations are, you consult your family friends for advice as well. All these will help as well. My friend was considering 2 guys for a rishta…and she took all the practical measures in terms of getting to know them. At the same time she prayed regularly for guidance. Allah revealed to her details about these two guys that they never shared with her; they kept them hidden. One of the guys had hidden that he had children and that he was married twice before and not just once as she was led to believe. She stumbled upon the details and evidence herself while doing a search and it blew her mind away; the guy himself had remained mysteriously mum about many things. I’ve done istikhara for a variety of issues and it’s amazing how things will reveal themselves to you. But you need to have faith in Allah and the prayer and you can’t base it on dreams. There’s nothing in the dua about dreams; it’s about the outcome and how events unfold and that’s what you need to pay attention to you.
We’re at a stage where I think it is no longer necessary to look overseas whether you live in US, UK, Canada etc. Masjids usually have a list of single people wanting to marry. Maybe you could look there? The chances of compatibility are far higher in your own country. But as Bobby mentioned go with your gut. I never go against my gut lol whether its in the workplace or other/
As to answer your question I would be highly hesitant as people from back home tend to almost always have ulterior motives. In this day and age families/family members can’t be trusted nevermind randoms.
the number of paksitanis here is low , almost impossible to find anyone here. the thing is you could go wrong here too.no guarantee anywhere. how common are these fruads.i wonder
What are you referring to by “here”? Your specific city/state? The entire U.S.?
Personally, I would rather search in the U.S., Canada and in European countries than Pakistan. Better chances of compatibility, lower odds of someone marrying you because they want U.S. citizenship, and easier to check out their background (marital history, education, job etc.).