So I’ve been quite insulated (esp coming from a mixed but predominantly desi background).. Never came across any negative comments but was just wondering what Pakistani ppl in general think nowadays.. **Is it still considered a negative thing in the wider community **or are ppl generally not as bothered as they used to be as long as the guy or girl is a Muslim?
Anyone here against it and if so what are your reasons?
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
**it's NOT the norm in India any more...we do NOT care if the guy or the girl is outside the clan/area as long as they are of the same madhab [NOT religion but fiqh]. we are pretty conservative and religious but so many cousins, both males and females, have married outside...even as far as Gujrat and Hyderabad Deccan. :)
i think we must look for decent/educated/moderately religious with good future [job wise] mates rather than marrying a less educated/fanatic guy within the clan.**
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
I think Muslims other than Pakistanis are more open to marrying into other nationalities as long as the guy/ girl is Muslim. We Pakistanis mostly are very conservative in this regard. Many of us have problems marrying outside of our culture (urdu-speakings don't have good feelings for Punjabis and vice versa etc.), let alone accepting a girl/ guy from other country altogether.
I myself don't feel comfortable marrying someone from other country. It would be so easy to get adjusted with another Pakistani and there would be much cultural difference with another Muslim from for example any Arab country. Indian Muslims are extremely close to us culturally, but visa is one issue which makes it difficult to marry someone from India even if he lives outside India since you cannot avoid visiting your husband's home country and your in-laws in the future. Besides, I also don't like my children to be non-Pakistanis.
So for me, only a Pakistani man would do ;) Keh dia bus keh dia :p
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Yes, how dare women marry non-Pakistani Muslims, they're dirtying up their bloodline.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
We have a few people in the family that married Americans/Canadians/UKers and it wasn't a biggie. My parents don't care who my brothers marry as long as she is a muslim. We know a ton of couples where the couples were Pakistani & Indian.
I dont know, not a big deal in my family. My fiance is Pakistani (Punjabi whose family is from ISB) though and I love that. I just like the idea of raising Pakistani kids and having that strong desi culture in them. Basically, I dont want to raise white-washed kids, esp. since I grew up in North America.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Even nowadays in my family it is frowned upon for someone to marry out of the khaandaan, not usually 1st cousins but definitely within relatives. I know of some people who have married into Lakhnavi's and other UP's but they're not fully accepted within the family even though they are still urdu-speaking families like us.
All depends on each different family. I know people who don't care where they get married to as long as it is in a muslim family, nothing wrong about that. It's just not a question that can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' I'm afraid!
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Its a must for me like are some other things. Though there is nothing wrong with marrying a Muslim not belonging from Pakistan, however its about one's comfort. If it works for someone then great but i don't see myself being comfortable with it.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Depends on the family. Each one decides individually. It is not common amongst our family or family friends.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Muslims in general can be quite racist when it comes to interracial marriages. No matter how educated, religious they are. Your parents might not say it out loud sometimes but they'll somehow show that had things been in their hands, they'd have done it otherwise and chosen someone from the same culture/background. God forbid if one of you ever makes a mistake or complains about your spouse, it gets blamed on your interracial marriage.
My guy and I aren't from the same country. I'm probably even more Pakistani in my ways than he and his family are yet it was still an issue (not just on his side). But luckily it was something we had both prepared ourselves for and our families calmed down overtime. They get along quite well now AH.
It can be testing but if it doesn't tear you apart, it'll only make you stronger.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Depend on families. In my family we are very cool if someone got married in another nationality or race. Like my phopu has all type of damad and bahu..... her dil is spanish, her one sil is turkish and another is indian........... and the youngest one is pakistani :p. We all were happy that they got a good proposal and they are happy as they got married in late thirties.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Generally, Id assume that resistance to cross cultural marriage would be because of social and cultural differences, and the difficulties/complications they bring. Some families and individuals are quick to adjust, or even look for varied backgrounds in prospective matches, but then again, most find it difficult to adjust, which is why the resistance. I do not think it has as much to do with racism as it is made out to be.
People living in the west are more open to it because a Pakistani muslim and a Somali muslim living in America will have the american side of their culture in common, whereas a Pakistani muslim living in Pakistan, and a Somali muslim living in Somalia will have nothing in common, apart from religion.
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
I really hope marrying 'out' is no longer a bad thing ....
it seems the blessed families are those that have understanding parents/ relatives that accepts their childrens spouses regardless of origins ... if your mil, dil , parents are like that YOU ARE SO LUCKY and be truly grateful because i'm on the other side of NON understanding mil and i can only pray for that inshallah too
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
^inshAllah your situation will get better..
Re: Marrying 'out', still a bad thing?
Alhumdullilah, I'm thankful, my mother always told me from when I was young that it doesn't matter whom I marry so long as he was Muslim. At one point she even expressed that she wouldn't even mind if I married someone that was not Muslim. Growing up in the States I actually really disliked all desi men because the ones I saw around me were terrible role models. I fully intended on marrying a non-desi.
Now that I've grown up, I've ended up with THE most Punjabi Pakistani Muslim guy ever! I never would have expected this when I was young, but now I am so happy. I am glad that I will be able to raise my children with a single set of cultural and religious expectations. Being American/Canadian/Pakistani was hard enough for me.
From what I see around me, although people often do raise their eyebrows when they see/hear of interracial marriages, they are generally quite open and happy when they see it unfold positively in front of them.