^ very well said Mistral .... I needed to hear that so thanks!
But I think one of the important things we forget is that Allah tells us to fear HIM more than people..."I'm not doing anything that would displease Allah. I'm not doing anything wrong,"
Great post:)
It's sad, but people can be so narrow minded and jahil.
i come from a kashmiri family too, into the practise of marrying within family. my mum's mum, is punjabi from sialkot, she was never really accepted and was divorced because of family pressure on my nanna-abba. my mum was about 2 at the time and didnt see her mum again till she was around 17. they remained and remain in contact so everyone accepted this but i dont think they were too happ about it.
a few years ago, my sister went to pakistan and had an arranged marriage, it was arranged by my mum and nanni ma and it was outside the family to a punjabi guy from faislabad, oh the uproar. many of my relatives fell out with my mum and nanni ma, we saw a lot of their true colours come out, and things have never been the same. my sister sadly, divorced the guy(another story, lets not go there lol)and is remarried(within in the family this time)so people are somewhat happier. but things are not good between my family in pak and my nanni-ma,she believes they really hate her. and my mum too is hurt by the way our relatives acted, in particular her younger brother.
what can you do? you find out who cares for you and who just cares for themselves, and you either accept it and decide not to care about those relatives either(meaning dont take what they say or do personally,dont give importance to them) or you let it get to you.
sometimes, time is just needed to let things thaw a bit, so best of luck to you and i hope you are happy together, be strong and be happy :)
Re: Marrying out of your Caste
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But I think one of the important things we forget is that Allah tells us to fear HIM more than people
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Absolutely beautiful...I have two sons, MashAllah, and i would not mind at all on whomever they would want to marry when they are older...to me as long as they are Muslims, i don't care what background they come from.
You will find that in the long term, that extended family are irrelevant. They are always there to watch "Tamasha" but will not be there for you if you need any kind of help.
Only your close family - parents and siblings are important. And even they will become a little distant once you have children.
I ABSOLUTELY agree. A lot of our family members stood back and have watched alot of tamashaye unravel between my mum and bhabi. Not a single soul asked my mother if she needed help or if she was ok.
Everyone has their own agenda. I mean today, my mum called Pakistan and asked my Mamoo to do some chores in preparation for the wedding and then asked how his family was doing and he was like "apne kaam kaye liye phone kiya haye to family ka haal puchne ki zaroorat nahin" Gosh! how rude! and he is younger than my mum by a good 13 years!
I still havent received a single congratulations from ANYONE on my mother's side. Everyone is dumbfounded and awestruck because they honestly thought I was going to marry some village idiot who has been trying to get here on a banana boat.... I don't think so!
Alhumdulilah, my family have been very supportive and my sister has said to me "always remember that you did NOTHING wrong" and that makes me feel so safe and comforted. I feel like I've done something so cheap and disgusting by wanting to marry someone I have genuine feelings for!
Now the whole family will sit back and wait for this marriage to fail because they think love marriages always end in divorce. How pathetic.
Ha Ha! Decent 6Chora, kuch aisaye hi howa tha. But we said no ages ago to my khala’s son. The guy was a total duffer, loafer, nakama. I can’t even believed they asked!
It's sad, but people can be so narrow minded and jahil.
i come from a kashmiri family too, into the practise of marrying within family. my mum's mum, is punjabi from sialkot, she was never really accepted and was divorced because of family pressure on my nanna-abba. my mum was about 2 at the time and didnt see her mum again till she was around 17. they remained and remain in contact so everyone accepted this but i dont think they were too happ about it.
a few years ago, my sister went to pakistan and had an arranged marriage, it was arranged by my mum and nanni ma and it was outside the family to a punjabi guy from faislabad, oh the uproar. many of my relatives fell out with my mum and nanni ma, we saw a lot of their true colours come out, and things have never been the same. my sister sadly, divorced the guy(another story, lets not go there lol)and is remarried(within in the family this time)so people are somewhat happier. but things are not good between my family in pak and my nanni-ma,she believes they really hate her. and my mum too is hurt by the way our relatives acted, in particular her younger brother.
what can you do? you find out who cares for you and who just cares for themselves, and you either accept it and decide not to care about those relatives either(meaning dont take what they say or do personally,dont give importance to them) or you let it get to you.
sometimes, time is just needed to let things thaw a bit, so best of luck to you and i hope you are happy together, be strong and be happy :)
Gosh Sazzie, I am really sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she finds happiness in her marriage.
You are absolutely right. I think at this stage I am taking it all too personally but once Iam married and have responsibilities on my head I will soon forget their qualms and concerns. It's just so sad to know that it's the last wedding in our family and no one has really been excited as I thought they would be.