Re: Marrying out of your Caste
Stardust, I just got engaged and I have a feeling that I will soon be going through what you are going through. I met my fiance on my own and we started liking each other. My parents are alhumdullilah very reasonable and understanding people so I had no problem in that regard in telling them about him. I am jatt punjabi and basically everyone in my family has only married family members. My fiance is urdu speaking. My extended family members are starting to find out and they are annoyed that my parents didnt consult the khandaan about this decision and in shock that not only am I not engaged to a family member..... or a jatt .... but I'm not even engaged to a punjabi. I am definitely the first person ever to go out on a limb like this. This news is still very new and fresh and people are finding out and the talking has began. Comments like "koi punjabi munda na laba.... duniya mein sab margay?" have began. Like your poor mother, I see my poor mother starting to defend my decision. Its really too bad that despite even all of the education Pakistani's gets, they still hold things like caste in such high regard (even though our religion forbids it).
InshAllah I hope for both of us that with time, relatives will calm down and realize that this is the reality that they are just going to have to live with for the rest of their lives. Being mad and annoyed about it forever isn't going to change anything. And there is a reason why our parents and we ourselves accepted our fiances ......they are amazing guys. So I keep thinking that once extended family starts meeting him, they will like him as well and see how great he truly is and how well he treats me and my immediate family. News of this will spread and hopefully things will start going back to normal.
And ...if I dare say... I do feel like once that first child is born..... people do come around and forgive and forget all. I have seen this in so many situations. But inshAllah I hope it does not take that long for people to come around.