hi everyone.. new here.. i don’t know if this has already been discussed (i did a search and didn’t find anything) sorry if i’m being repetitive.
What do you guys think about marrying cousins? My best friend is completely against it.. she thinks it’s unnatural and disgusting to marry someone she is related to. I want to see what other people think about this. She actually has a possible rishta from a guy who is her mom’s cousin’s son.. so he’s her second cousin. She has never met him so it’s not like they grew up together and are like brother and sister. All the other logistics about the rishta are pretty good but she won’t agree to talk to him and pursue it because they are second cousins.
I know that it’s allowed in Islam but there are some genetic problems that are possible in this next generation. Also, what do you guys think about the in-laws relationships after this kind of marriage (within an extended family). Are there more or less problems in the future because the families know each other so well?
Bebo there is nothing disgusting about marrying your cousin. If cousins are not grown up in same house and do not feel like bro n sis then there should be no problem. And as you said the guy is her mom's cousin's son, n they have never met before, then I feel the gal is doing it deliberately. May be she likes someone else and hence making excuses.
If you are practicing cousin marriages from generation to genertaion then surely the genetic probs can evolve.Otherwise if the family is health wise fit and there is no history of some common disease, then if 1-2 cousin marriages happen, there should be no prob.
My own sis is married to my mom's first cousin and mashAllah they are doing good. Their son is healthy. We do not have many instances of cousin marriages in our family, neither on dad's side, nor on mom's side.
In Islam it's allowed, yet to me it's also always been strange. Yet now I stop thinking of it as incest, but it's still weird, because cousins are still like your own brothers. But if Islam allows it, we have to accept it as normal I guess.
I was married to my cousin, my khala's son, 9 years on and off which at last alhamdulialh ended somewhere in 2004. :)
But I have to admit, despite of always finding it strange and awkard, I still would have remained married to my cousin if he would have been a nice husband, because most of my cousins are married to each other and it's always been considered normal in my family. But I've often thought of it as abnormal and awkward, and then, whenever I think of how Islam approves of this, I always try to stop thinking of it as incest with my brother.
I still do have mixed feelings about this though, yet Allah knows I really would have stayed married to my cousin if only he would have been a better person.
About the inlaws, it's different. If the husband and wife in this situation start having problems, you have a chance that the entire family will make things even worse for them. Also, if you try to divorce your husband in this situation, the whole family is against you and will mostly forbid it. Everybody takes the side of the person with whose parents they've had less arguments. It can also be the other way around, if the husband and wife have no problems, they can start having them if their families fight each other, you know, like if the mothers are sisters and they often argued before their children were married, then after marriage, if they argue again, there is a chance the marriage of their children will become worse because of that too. I've also seen people happy while being married within their family. It is a huge risk though, because if something goes wrong and you want a divorce, then everyone accuses you of "splitting up the whole family" with your demand for divorce and everyone is against you.
Thanks NewBeginning! It helps to have the view of someone who's been through this situation. You seem happy with where you are now, which is awesome! :)
I've always felt that there's more drama in inter-family marriages.. my family isn't very big on them because of the drama it could create. But I don't necessarily think it's gross unless the guy and girl have grown up together and think of each other as brother and sister until someone proposes that they get married to each other. I've heard aunties say "shaadi se pehle sab bhai behen hotey hain"!! That part is disgusting to me.
As far as my friend goes, her second cousin lives in Germany, she lives in America with her family, and the guy's family live in Pakistan. And if they got married they would be living in America. The families have been very good with each other; she said they haven't had any problems in the past. So there's actually little chance of drama especially since she won't be anywhere close to her in-laws. I'm trying to convince her to get past the whole cousin thing and talk to him because she might be missing out on a really good guy. But I guess it won't matter if she marries him but still sees him as a cousin.
It is allowed in Islam. Cousins are non-mehram so there should be no reservations in marrying them. Plus science is based upon theories which are continously proven or contested even after being acknowledged as genuine. The genetic thing is there but before science became this advanced, the world moved on and people did not care about these kinds of genetic diseases. Being cautious is good but science has caused some of us to be over cautious. Sometimes just leave things to God and nature.
thinking of cousin marriages as incest and finding them disgusting is quite a christian belief , I believe
Why step into two boats? Islam allows it , so stop finding it disgusting and an incest. Plus as Janwar said , its purely personal choice … I have seen many cousin marriages and Alhamdullilah they are living healthy lives …
It's an option given to you in Islam ...so to say that it's disgusting, and gross is a very un-Islamic belief and way of thinking. If you feel that you can spend the rest of your life with your cousin and she is a good person then do it. It's a personal choice. No one can make that decision for you.
As far as genetic problems are concerned ...it's very unlikely if this is a first generation cousin marriage. With each generation the chances of genetic deformities become greater.
I must say however, it's always best to look elsewhere. Not only is this recommended in our religion but it also prevents from breaking the ties of kinship do to fall-outs within the marriage.
