Thanks, Najam.
It is a good heads up. Thanks for sharing this story.
May Allah enable people in that situation to keep their sanity. amen.
Marrying a widowed man/woman is kinda bearing extra responsibilties on ur shoulders. Usually those responsibilities are his/her children.
One of cousin has his second wife who I must admit is really good. His two children, aged 4 and 6 now consider her as their real mother, but I must admit that she behaves & takes care of them like their real mother. BTW, they have a third child, a daughter, (her child) as well.
So if one can successfully build the relationship with the other partners children then its fine otherwise he/she should consider marrying a someone who is never married in his/her life (other possibility is widowed without children).
Please beware any man in his senses will not re-marry, whatever the circumstances may be.....
Lets see why he will need to remarry:
Children: Step-mothers are terrible mothers.
Sex: You don't marry for sex (some idiots do). Anyway! Should a girl marry a man only because the man wants to have sex with her?
Love: Yes right! If he loved his last wife as much, he should not be in such a desicion.
what if a woman marries to take care of her desire as well?
same for a man or any man.
this configuration - an end other than a content life, due to bringing someone into a marital contract is just NONSENSE.
Equitable fashion of bringing and
offering what each party has is what i think is necesary.
Lets see why he will need to remarry:
Children: Step-mothers are terrible mothers.
Sex: You don't marry for sex (some idiots do). Anyway! Should a girl marry a man only because the man wants to have sex with her?
Love: Yes right! If he loved his last wife as much, he should not be in such a desicion.
There is a very interesting theory which states that women (unintentionally) control the quality of the human race. In the times, when men are really strong women as a combined entity will deliver more male babies while in an environment where women are much more suitable for the progression of the human generation, women will deliver more baby girls. There is again a supporting theory how this is achieved by women, but that is outside the context of this topic. :p
It's possible, but I think it's slightly preferrable that she marry someone who has never been married.
Marriage requires so much compromise already without adding in the 'learning curve' of a girl who has never been a wife suddenly becoming wife and mother to young children, who need lots of affection and stability after the death of their mother.
A previously unmarried girl may need more in terms of love and affection and reassurances from her husband, and would probably feel more jealous towards the children becasue of the constant attention they would need.
I don’t know if i can ever do that. I dont think i have that amount of patience.
Sarah *hugz
its amazing how we feel sympathy for widow women but not men.
i know this one uncle :mad100000: he got married 3 times. and had kids from each wife plus they had their own i think his kids now are close to 20. got his 3rd wife without telling the 2nd onw and now she has made his life living hell.
you talk to those kids they are torn apart they are so confused that i would be surprise if even one of them turn o ut to be a normal person.
dunno if my experience is very relevant…but my dad marry a young women, 5 year younger, after the death of my mom..me and my sister were 10 and 12, at that time.
well it has allways been hard for her, cause she never felt accepted as a “mother”. and as she did not want to be one…(she never had children) she never accepted us as her children…and is just counting time till we marry and inally leave her alone with my dad…it’s been 15 yeaars, and she seemed to be less and less happy day by day…
well she is also very jealous of us (my sis and me)..and keeps on complaining about how much more t=rich my dad is (compare to her family), and how much more luck we have in life…
so i think the success of such marriage depends on the woman charachteer a lot, i honestly think a woman who do not like children, especially girls (she sees all girsl as rivals:(), should not marry a man with children.
but a caring and compromising woman will be welcomed by the children:blush: