i am sure i know quiet a lot about what i want to ask but still to clear any doubts my question is “is it banned or not accepted by any means in Islam to marry someone of our own choice against our parents will,is it a gunnah”?
marrying by the will of the parents (waali) is liked....
but if they object without reason, u might just as well go against them....
but u do realize that having ur parents upset with u is a big gamble if u r seeking Allah's blessings....
its fine to marry someone of ur choice..
dont make it so complicated...
it is not banned and it's not gunnah.
it should be accepted by everyones' parents too
ASSALAMOLAIKUM
IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE STATEMENT :MARRYING SOMEONE OF YOUR OWN CHOICE: i don't think there is anything wrong with it BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT that someone shouldn't be outside the religion of islam
for example lets say i'm a muslim and i want to marry someone of my choice it shouldn't be a angreeez (christian), hindu, sikh etc because u can't marry a non muslimah and vise versa.
BUTTTTTTTT then again i read in sunni behazeteeeee zewar , and i quote
[QUOTE]
musalman ka niqaa ekk yahooodi (jew) ki saath jaeez hai
[/QUOTE]
and i have been puzzled ever since isn't a yahoodi also outside the barrier of islam then why is niqa aloud with them
PLZ DON'T BE ENCOURAGED TO THINK THAT YOU ARE ALOUD TO MARRY A NON-MUSLIM AND HOLD MY STATEMENT RESPONSIBLE COS' THAT AIN'T THE MESSAGE I'M DELIVERING
dream.
The problem is that your original assumption is wrong. I don't know who told you that a muslim can't marry a christian or a jew.
The accepted ruling is that a muslim man can marry a chaste woman from "People of the Book". These are typically defined as Christians and Jews. In which case, the woman does not even have to embrace Islam. A muslim woman, on the other hand, can not marry a non-muslim. There are reasons for these rulings, which are probably irrelevant in this discussion.
Now that was the ruling. As far as recommendations go, we can argue that it is over-all better from the children's development and harmony in family viewpoint to either only marry a muslim but if you wish to marry a non-muslim, she should embrace Islam.
Same for the original question. It is recommended that one has permission from his or her parents (and the whole family) to marry, but as far as rulings go, for a valid nikkah, all you need is a willing couple, two witnesses and a nikah khwan. Ofcourse, one would be well-advised to keep haqooq-ul-ibaad and rights of parents in mind before embarking on such decisions.
There are some finer points to this ruling too. In Islam, technically a girl or a guy, can be married once they have reached puberty. However, that can be at a relatively young age. Most scholars agree that a muslim girl should have permission from her wali (father/guardian) for her marriage. There is probably an age-factor involved as well. The ruling for muslim boys is quite unclear on age.
If this is a relevant point, you better get a definitive answer from the quran and sunnah or ask a scholar whose knowledge you trust.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Faisal: *
There are some finer points to this ruling too. In Islam, technically a girl or a guy, can be married once they have reached puberty. However, that can be at a relatively young age. Most scholars agree that a muslim girl should have permission from her wali (father/guardian) for her marriage. There is probably an age-factor involved as well. The ruling for muslim boys is quite unclear on age.
If this is a relevant point, you better get a definitive answer from the quran and sunnah or ask a scholar whose knowledge you trust.
[/QUOTE]
I agree with Faisal, a Muslim male can marry anyone who are people of the book.
thanks everyone.....the question was not at all about marrying someone who is not a muslim,actually just a few months ago a friend had to end a ten year relationship cuz the parents of both the girl and the boy did not agree upon it due to very petty reasons and since both of them never wanted to hurt their parents they calld off everything after 10 long years of convincing!!The parents never realised thet their kids could have done it without their consent andr happy with it and do not realise an inch to this day that their kids are so very very unhappy!
anyway i hope we all realise how r actions can affect someone's life and think twice before taking decisions.....but then it is truly said "life has never been fair".
Tutu - I dont think its a Gunah to marry someone against your parents wish but I dont think its worth it. I think Your friend did the right thing .
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by dream: *
BUTTTTTTTT then again i read in sunni **behazeteeeee zewar*
[/QUOTE]
By the way dude (from your icon, I am assuming you are a guy), you are the first man I know who openly admitted to reading "Baheshti Zewar".
That is considered a 100% woman-oriented book and was traditionally (early 1900s) given to a girl at the time of her marriage. Apparently it is full of out-dated rules and regulations on how muslim women should behave after marriage. I have also heard it includes a full chapter on nupital decorum. Maybe someday you can summarize for us the rulings provided there. Just for information purposes, ofcourse. :)
Asif K:i also agree that she did the right thing but then what about her own happiness,she is no more the person she used to be and i wonder how long it would take her to get back to being her true self!!!and what if after a few more years the parents realise they were wrong ,they cannot redo anything can they!maybe its one of those situations where u
can't predict anything and u tell urself to try and move on.
Faisal:I know i heard about it too from my grand mother and i think my mother does have a copy of it too somewhereback home.
plzz ladies and gents excuse my lingo its for a specific purpose/reason.
there is nothin wrong with reading sunni behegsti zewaar and i have also heard of the tradition that women are given this book at the time of marriage or after marriage which is stupid, u want women to abide by that book whilst the fuc**** males do what the hell they want.
well.. i don't want to start another argument because big bee FAISAL MIGHT WRITE THAT I'M WRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG AGAIN!!!
well just for the purposes of making clear about what you said about people of the book and i don't agree that you can marry a non muslim or muslimah ask the imam of the mosque or a true learned scholar and u can't date people (boyfriend and girlfriend) i hate this western tradition) know don't tell me big bee muslims can date as well u probabaly will say that we muslims can date as well bu** s***.
and i big bee FAISALLLLLLLLLLL don't know who told you that u can marry a non-muslim and i quote from your statement "The problem is that your original assumption is wrong. I don't know who told you that a muslim can't marry a christian or a jew."
NO BIG BEE UR WRONG who wrote this book i'm gonna stand with i've said and i know i ain't wrong big bee what was my original assumption by thw way.....................
think what you like say what u like i will only believe what allah says is write to believe in and thats the quran and prophet (s.a.w) teachings and sunnat
NOT WHAT YOU SAID BIG BEE faisalllllllllll in your statement ( The accepted ruling is that a muslim man can marry a chaste woman from "People of the Book". ) who made this ruling allah or prophet mohammed (s.a.w) if so then i also belive in it being true and if not then i don't think i'll marry a christian/jew/hindu/sikhni etc and disrespect my religion and most importantly allah subhana wa ta'allah
Its halal to marry the person of ur choice but that doesnt mean we r allowed to date,go clubin in order to find a the person n all al otha stuf that western societies engage in.
its even haram to marry a hindu but if the soul mate is with good upbringing a decent values then dont mind commiting this gunaaah
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by dream: *
plzz ladies and gents excuse my lingo its for a specific purpose/reason.
because big bee FAISAL MIGHT WRITE THAT I'M WRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG AGAIN!!!
i don't agree that you can marry a non muslim or muslimah ask the imam of the mosque or a true learned scholar
and i big bee FAISALLLLLLLLLLL don't know who told you that u can marry a non-muslim
i will only believe what allah says is write to believe in and thats the quran and prophet (s.a.w) teachings and sunnat
NOT WHAT YOU SAID BIG BEE faisalllllllllll in your statement ( The accepted ruling is that a muslim man can marry a chaste woman from "People of the Book". ) who made this ruling allah or prophet mohammed (s.a.w) if so then i also belive in it being true and if not then i don't think i'll marry a christian/jew/hindu/sikhni etc and disrespect my religion and most importantly allah subhana wa ta'allah
[/QUOTE]
dream dude,
Calm down. First of all what is this big bee thing? Are you a small bee? :)
And no one said anything about dating. We are talking about marriage.
You said "i will only believe what allah says is write to believe in"
Very well... I assume you have read Quran. I also assume you have a copy of Quran in your home. Go pick it up and flip to Sura Al-Ma'idah (sura #5). Go to ayat #5 and read. For your convenience, here is a translation for you to read, think and ponder.
**(Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,-* {5:5}*
Now go and think who are "People of the Book", revealed before Quran. These are Jews and Christians. These women don't even have to revert to Islam for a muslim man to marry them. Ofcourse if they revert to Islam, before or after the marriage, all the more blessings upon them, but that is not a requirement. And our deen, Islam, was perfected in the time of the Prophet (Sallalah o Alaihay-Wassalam) and now you can not introduce new restrictions or permissions there, because you are told something differently by your local molvi saheb. I hope that is clear.
If you don't want to marry a woman from "People of the Book" and only want to marry a muslim girl, more power to you. But that does not mean this will become a ruling for everyone else.
*>>i don't think i'll marry a christian/jew/hindu/sikhni etc and disrespect my religion *
By the way, hindus and sikhnis are not considered "People of the Book", so don't even think about it. Ofcourse, if they embrace Islam before marrying, then they are muslims and it is ok. :)