salam everyone
eid mubarak!!!
okay…i got a question…
what do you guys think about desi women getting married to muslim men who aren’t desi..i mean any muslim. why do you think parents/family even outsiders frown at it? they are muslim and thats what is supposed to matter..right?
It shouldn't matter, as long as they are Muslim.
Re: marrying a non-desi
eid mubarak!!!
sorry SuNSet LvR for hijacking your thread, but i have a question ...
what do you think about girls or boys marrying out of caste, say a muslim marrying or non-muslim or vice versa... should that be frowned at?
if yes, why?
if no, then why do people frown at people who dare to do so?
Re: marrying a non-desi
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by *SuNSet LvR: *
salam everyone
eid mubarak!!!
okay...i got a question...
why do you think parents/family even outsiders frown at it? they are muslim and thats what is supposed to matter..right?
[/QUOTE]
birds of a feather flock together, families dont want outsiders in the inner circle. It shouldnt matter, but thats life..
one should marry a person of their choice. IF they know themself to have made choices they could live with and not fret over all their lives.. in that case.. get some suggestions from people who know you better.
As for marrying someone outside your culture.. how attached are you to your culture?? would you miss not being able to converse with them in your language/dialect? Would you miss having the same 'background' and the common denominator?
How close would you be living to your parents and how much interaction would they have with your spouse?? are they able/willing to adjust to it so as not to reflect negatively on your relationship?
If the person is the person then go for it. I have several cousins who are married to non desis. The one thing I will tell anyone to watch out against is that there is always an adjustment period to one another no matter if it is a marriage by your own choice or arranged type..the more cultural differences, the more adjustments may be needed :)
I mean if you marry a korean guy, he may get sick at some of the desi food u dig, and u may puke at the smell of kimchi..other aspects such as importance of family involvement varies by culture.
so it can be a little bit tougher, but then the same can be said if someone born and raised in US marries someone who has never stepped out of jehlum..potentially more adjustments than if the matchg wweas between two ppl of similar upnbrigning and background.
yeah..i totally agree that it would take time and adjustment, even more than it does with a person of the same backround as yourself.
i don't know about you ppl, but ive seen more desi guys marry non desis than women marry non-desis.
Aparna_Dogra- for a muslim to marry a non-muslim(for a muslim girl to marry a non-muslim boy, without coverting) is not allowed in islam, therefore, the muslim community does frown upon it.
Hi Sun, I'm soon to be married in a year or so and my wife to be is not pakistani at all, there are some culture differences but that makes it more interesting, for me that is.
Walaykum Salaam and Eid Mubarak to you too.
Culture is not really an issue for me religion however is.
I myself wouldn’t want to marry someone outside my own race because I only find people with Mediterranean looks (Desis, Arabs, Iranis, Turks, Latinos etc.) attractive. I’m not racist though and if anyone from my family was to marry someone of a different race and colour I wouldn’t have a problem with it so long as they are Muslim.
Re: Re: marrying a non-desi
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Aparna_Dogra: *
*eid mubarak!!!
sorry SuNSet LvR for hijacking your thread, but i have a question ...
what do you think about girls or boys marrying out of caste, say a muslim marrying or non-muslim or vice versa... should that be frowned at?
if yes, why?
if no, then why do people frown at people who dare to do so?
[/QUOTE]
You are confusing caste with religion, people are born into a caste without choice but they have a choice when it comes to religion.
I don’t believe in superiority of one caste over the other so I don’t have a problem with anyone marrying outside their caste but if God forbid some one from my family was to marry a non-Muslim they can go to hell.
Islam is against the idea of a Muslim man or woman marrying a non-Muslim except if it’s a man marrying a chaste, righteous woman from the people of the scripture (Jewish or Christian) and there is a guarantee that the children from this marriage will be raised as Muslims.
this is what i kinda meant to say before…non desi but still muslim..maybe i wasn’t too clear…oh well:flower1:
I dont think there is problem if both are willing to take on the challenge to be a bridge between two cultures, dealing with in laws from different back ground.
everone has its own priorities, some like may wants same culture values somehow if not complete, cause she will be able to understand and settle in well.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Dhulfiqar: *
I myself wouldn’t want to marry someone outside my own race because I only find people with Mediterranean looks (Desis, Arabs, Iranis, Turks, Latinos etc.)
[/QUOTE]
If youre a desi, then sorry to say that Arabs, Iranis, Turks and Latinos are not your race like you think they are
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Dhulfiqar: *
Walaykum Salaam and Eid Mubarak to you too.
Culture is not really an issue for me religion however is.
I myself wouldn’t want to marry someone outside my own race because I only find people with Mediterranean looks (Desis, Arabs, Iranis, Turks, Latinos etc.) attractive. I’m not racist though and if anyone from my family was to marry someone of a different race and colour I wouldn’t have a problem with it so long as they are Muslim.
[/QUOTE]
Desis, and Persians are NOT mediterranean
Duh, I know Desi’s and Persian’s are not Mediterranean. By 'Mediterranean looks' I meant dark hair and light/fair brown complexion, which also included white girls with dark hair and tanned skin.
Now that I think of it, it’s not so clear-cut, not all South Asians, Hispanics or Middle Easterners would fit into my ‘Mediterranean looks’ category.
And calling them all, my race was a typo I know they are not.
Exactly. How come people always somehow tend to lump all these ethnic categories under the unbrella of “mediterranean”?
Salam,
These are the qualifiers for me:
We can communicate with each other in a language we both excel in:My case - Urdu and English. No exceptions
Same religion
No exceptions, I cannot and will not learn another language.
well my sister is married to a white guy and he conv to islam and he is doing all he can to learn urdu and mingle into our family and my family love and him and give him the respect which is due.
In my opinion, he has taken a huge step cuz he conv to islam, left his religion and even islam wise, he is holding the highest level of respect, more like a pure personality a new born kid with no sin to pay for.
However, as my mother side is here as well living here for like 40 or 50 yrs, they are not broad minded at all, they disowned us on based of this, they didn't accept him and us after the wedding. Well, it made me quite outrageous cuz I actually think of him as my own brother and he take care of us as siblings as well. sometime elder do make mistakes, and we can't even express our rage or anger, life :(
As for learning, well in my opinion those who doesn't want to learn, doesn't wanna grow, sorry if I am offending ppl here. However thats my point of view.
Race shouldn't matter, doesn't Islam teach us that we are all equal, no matter what race. BUt unfortunately in daily life most people are pretty racist. I personally wouldn't mind if tomorrow my son or daughter would marry a non-desi, as long as that person is Muslim.
Mostly people want cousins to marry each other, so the family property will stay in the family. And becuase they know the other party, at least they think they know the other party. But what if your child doesn't want that and wants to marry a non desi, I wouldn't force any such marriage on my kids, I mean it's them who have to live with their partner for the rest of their lifes, not the other people.
And what also annoys me is, what often happens in my family is, that people are often talking about those 'gauri' in a bad way, like you do something stupid and they say 'gauri banno gi?'
While I know many white people who converted to Islam and are in fact mostly better Muslims than us raised as Muslims!