Marrying a doctor

[Paheli00]

Re: Marrying a doctor

As the poster above me wrote, there are too many uncertainties in this situation for BOTH of you.

@harpyeagle

She is in a podiatry school in east coast and lives about 2 hours away from me. She has told me that she would like to be married next year in the summer. She will be able to move in with me, hypothetically speaking, next year in winter. Her clinical rotations will start after winter next year which she has explained to me that she would be able to do in my hometown. So from her 2nd semester junior year to 4th year of med school, she would be able to live with me. Then she will apply for residency. It is unclear where she will end up. She has told me that there are a lot of opportunities in the east coast and she should be able to finish her residency in a hospital near me. If she does not get into a residency program in my area, she will be able to transfer after a year into a program near where I live. She plans to go into foot surgery. She has told me that foot surgeons typically work normal hours.

1. So her medical school is 2 hours from where you live? If she moved in with you after marriage, how will she commute to school?
2. How can she be so sure that she will be able to do clinical rotations in your hometown? Unless this has already been arranged for sure…there are no guarantees.
3. She says she “should be able to” get residency near you…if she doesn’t, then she “will be able to transfer”. Again, all things are up in the air. Often life doesn’t go as planned. So if she doesn’t get residency near you and if she cannot get a transfer…what happens then?

@harpyeagle

On my side, I’m a working professional. I’m currently pursuing a masters degree part time. It’s an online program and is very flexible. I will graduate in spring next year and will have a lot of time to enjoy life. I’m considering switching jobs in winter next year. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a job in the area where I’m currently living in. I have tried looking in my current metropolitan area but the jobs are not that great and are also in different industry. I’m in aerospace. I will probably have to relocate from my current city for better opportunities but prefer not to. My life situation is fairly dynamic right now but it will settle down by next year.

If you marry this girl, she moves to YOUR current city…and then you find a great job in another city…then what?! You’re back to living separately for several years! In my opinion, YOU need to get settled with your job situation first. Whether you marry a woman who will be in school for several years or a woman that has a regular job, your own job has too much uncertainties regarding location. This has the potential to cause a lot of tension/drama. You’re only 26. Finish your masters, find a job, and figure out which city you’re going to living in for the near future. THEN find a girl for whom that location works.

@harpyeagle

She will not be done until at least 5.5 years from now. I’m willing to make sacrifices but the delay puts me off. If we decide to marry each other, I will be entering into this marriage without any debt but she will have to work to pay off her student loans after her formal education. She plans to work part-time after everything settles down and that I’m ok with it.

Another thing YOU must keep in mind…once a woman becomes sexually active, there is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy. So if this woman gets pregnant while she’s in medical school or going residency, then what? Will you have family nearby to help take care of the baby or do YOU make enough money to afford daycare/nanny? Depending on the city you live in, this can be VERY expensive. If she drops out of school/residency, then how is she going to repay her loans since you are not willing to pay it off?

There are no guarantees in a marriage and we cannot plan out every detail. However, its important to think through potential situations and good to have a back-up plan. Too many couples fight/end up in a unhappy marriage or end up divorced over things like finances, careers etc. You have only known this girl only for 2 months. Do not rush into this. If your friends/family are pointing out all the red flags, listen to them.