Marry into family with a lot of Politics

[browneyed]

Re: Marry into family with a lot of Politics

@Paheli00

1. Do not ever assume anything about a person. Either wait to find out the information or ask directly. But do not assume.
2. Don’t ever compare your relationship/marriage with what your friends/other have. This is the fastest way for you to be miserable.

The guy actually sounds a lot like my husband in this. My husband is not romantic at all. He does not do little cute romantic stuff on his own. He doesn’t surprise me with gifts, flowers etc. If I want him to get me a card on my birthday…I literally have to tell him “I’ll be pissed if you don’t get me a card with sweet stuff written in it for my bday”. And then I end up getting a card where he writes “I love you”…and that’s it. He was like this when we were dating so it wasn’t a surprise. And guess what…he hasn’t changed after marriage (and we’ve been married for several years). HOWEVER, when I ask for something or need help or whatever…he is ALWAYS there for me. He loves me and his way of showing his love is by being responsible and making sure our life is stable/secure etc.

So decide now if you are ok with spending your life with a man who will NEVER do the typical Bollywood romantic stuff. I can guarantee you that his behavior will not change. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. Its just he has his own way of showing it.

Well now you need to ask more detailed questions:

1. If you work, will he expect you to pay for living expenses like rent/bills/childcare etc.? Will you expect all finances to be combined…as in you have joint bank account, joint savings etc? Or will you two have separate accounts?

2. When he says there could be a time where his parents live with you…what does that mean? Will that happen simply b/c his parents want to OR will it happen if they’re sick and cannot live by themselves? In the event that his parents are not living on their own for whatever reason…will they move in with you guys permanently OR will the time be split between the siblings?

3. Does he use his income to financially support his parents at all? If so, how much of his income is going towards that? Will he expect you to share your salary to support them too?

Family Drama:

1. 1 of his brother’s being married to a white woman…exactly how will this effect your marriage? How is this drama?
2. Same with his brother that’s divorced. How is the brother’s divorce going to effect your life?
3. Same with the BIL that doesn’t talk with the sister?
4. His mother expecting you to pray…how will she know if you’re praying or not if you don’t live with her? Does the guy pray regularly? Discuss religious details with him NOW…ie. how practicing is he and what he expects from his wife (ie. does he expect his wife to pray regularly?).
5. They bought a house without telling the dad…who is “they”? Who paid for the house?
6. Find out how close this guy is to his brothers and how he deals with the family drama such as the BIL not talking to sister or dad not being told about the house etc.

Have you accepted that your husband isn’t romantic and are you happy? It’s one of the things I was looking forward to.

I’ve answered some of your questions in my above response.

In regards to the family drama:

1. Well she drinks, wears revealing clothes etc. I don’t have a problem with that but his parents are very religious and it was made out to them that this woman was a muslim. I don’t really care but it’s just something he mentioned.
2. It’s not but his brother married a family member and divorced her so caused issues.
3. Well the BIL and sister are first cousins.
4. When I go the house, or if she lives with us. He’s not bothered but religion is forced upon them. He doesn’t care.
5. All of the siblings and the other parent. I don’t know why…
6. He listens, he tells me. If he doesn’t agree, he won’t speak to the person in the wrong. He just wants a simple life. I think this is why he lives away.