Married life

Lifestyle Relationships
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Six months after marriage I have realized how much fear is a part of the way we desi girls are raised. My mother used to say ke agle ghar bhi jaana hai and stuff like that making me feel that once I will get mar-ried I will pretty much loose much of my independence and have to be more or less submissive to my husband and in-laws.

And yes we are in 2007 talking about a career woman holding a university degree etc etc.

But after this period of 6 months with my husband I have realized that marriage is the most beautiful thing if u have a good partner and Alhamdulillah I feel blessed to have such a lovely husband blushing :slight_smile:

Looking at my previous posts on issues related to members of in law family I now realize how much I have matured being married. One learns not to panick every time others try to interfere in your private life.

I rememeber every time my nand did or said something I just panicked and didnt know what to do or say and jumped to gupshup forum to brainstorm cuz I didnt have the courage to talk directly to my fiancee about her behaviour. Though I still dont know how to talk to him about her, I have pretty much learnt to ignore , forgive and forget and move on. My sisters were visiting us and even they noticed the weirdsness from her towards me, so I hope my husband is clever enough to see himself. I dont bother making an issue of things….

Getting married also made me realize the importance of my friends and how much we care for each other even though I have moved out of country. Long live text messaging and mobile phones and internet!! :wink: But sadly I also realized that one of my best friends was completely jealous at me cuz she explicitly told me that she was jealous that I was getting married before her and she never came to my wedding or wished me and she seems to have blocked me from her MSN. I do miss talking to her but since I have found out about her darker sides I really dont feel like contacting her. I just feel used by her…..

Sometimes it feels lonely to be here. I have moved away from family and friends and now I have to make a new social network. With the history of being let down by various friends earlier I dont feel comfortable opening up to stranger as I did before. I was easygoing and made friends easliy. Now after 6 months here, I feel its really difficult to find good friends….

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Re: Married life

i agree with you that life after marriage changes into something sweet & charming.obviuosly there are ppl around us who like to pick at things, but u need not take notice, just have the support of your hubby :that counts.

By the way, where have you moved from and where ru livin now? having moved away since 6+ months,how does it feel opening up to new things?it does take time makin new friends, so dont worry.just give it time!

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Re: Married life

Life after marriage is truly amazing.......................but only if it is free from unwanted interferences. Just a few days ago I woke up thinking how lucky I am to have such an amazing companion in life....................
I love it when it is just the two of us in the marriage....in the 5 years we have been married we have had so many rough times caused by our own pain of losing the babies, but also the pain of "external" interferences (SIL!)........this year so far ma'shallah we have kept it to it just being us, and I am enjoying married life so much more......

Having moved away from my home (3hrs drive) has made me more independant, I have learnt to stand on my own two feet...but none of it could have been done without my hubby's support......................

Marriage teaches you new things.....most of them good.....and I think it especially teaches you tolerance, patience and consideration............

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Oh and being difficult…??
I reckon it comes as part of a nand’s “job description”…
Shame I will never be a nand…:nahnah:

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Re: Married life

Marriage is beautiful especially when you don't have outside interference.

~**~ Tussi Baray ----- Ho ~~~~ ~**~
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Marriage is beautiful when ur hubby supports u in every way and take care of u.:)

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Re: Married life

One more thing after marriage u will find good friends but ur best friend only be ur hubby.because in my point of view when u get married and have ur own life with children there are lot of things u don't share and don't disscuss with anyone,so its only u and ur hubby. Uwill find good friends to hang out with.

~**~ Tussi Baray ----- Ho ~~~~ ~**~
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Marriage is beautiful when both the wife and husband love each other, and realize they must compromise.

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i remember reading your naand issue posts.. anyways....good to know that you are trying to being practical now

a peice of advice after reading this..
no matter what how good or bad you are towards your naand, to your sisters you will be always be "Mazloom". so never ever let them talk about you and your sister in law's relationship or weird attitude. 'cause you may say one thing to them about your naand... your sisters will say 5 things in return and later at the end you may end up hearing 10 variations of the samething from your 'Maika' .. later, which won't prove good for you own sake

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Re: Married life

Everyone has their flaws and weirdnesses. I know I have my dumbass moments (ill use her brush and forget to put it back in the bathroom all the time n whatnot) but I haven't been anything but respectful and nice towards my bhabhi. Same with my nand, shes not perfect but she's been, again, nice and respectful towards me. I think sometimes we confuse a person's shortcomings with being horrible people....if that makes any sense.

And don't ever let any of your family say stuff about your in-laws, it's just not right. If you expect your husband to stand up for you if anyone from his side says or does anything to you, it's only fair that you defend him and his family too.

Stupid ho *hoonh*
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Re: Married life

not all nands r bad.i hav seen some naand n bhabhi living like friends but those r lucky gals. i hav a nightmare of nand too :mad: also i dunno but i think younger nands r more respecting than the older nands.they hav this ghuroor i’m always right.

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married life is like the matrix, it only seems good but actually ur trapped

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aww thats nice to know( i mean that marriage isnt as scary as it seems part)

where did u move to?

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I know that not all nands are like that and there are people who do respect each other for who they are.

But with my nand I dont experience that. I dont feel respected. I have quit my job to fit into her needs of having us around. come on, who does that for a nand???and still she isnt even grateful. instead she keeps behaving like a self centered sister who claims to be depressed but when u actually meet her after her whining it seems to be a way of getting attention of the newly wed couple.

We have spend all our weekends with her and this weekend we were suppose to just relax at home and when she found out, she told my husband that she was coming over in 30 minutes with her son - and that was dinner time so I just had to fix something very very fast for them. dont get me wrong. I welcome guests openheartedly offering them food etc but her ways are too odd and too intervening in my personal life. She told my husband that she hadnt have dinner yet but we must not prepare something for them. and yet she arrived, ate and ran off again right after...I later found out that she had been outdoors all day and was too tired to go home and prepare food.

I quit my job to fit our future plans into her needs of having us around. then I got new job and she didnt even congratulate me. she didnt say a word at that time and later she interviewed me about my job etc before she took her time to congratualte me with this new job.

then she spammed us with mails asking us to come with them to a trip to France. though I didnt want to I still tried to see how it could fit into our plans and suddenly the next day she had already booked her ticket and stuff cuz a friend cud go with her this month and therefore her son would get a free ticket. so money matters more than anything!

I am sick and tired of her chalaakiyaan. she acts like a naive little school girl and my husband cant see whats going on. on the other hand I think I m gonna explode very soon. she doesnt get the point that we sometimes need time for ourself as a couple.

I just want to tell my husband that I need to relax without visting or having guests all weekends - in fact I did tell him that but still she succeeded in ruining my plans to relax and instead leave me stresses out cuz I had to fix dinner in short time on a day where I was having strong pains....

I know that I must be mature as a married woman but what I dont understand is all this crap going on with her childish and yet very challak behaviour...and my health situation hasnt been very well either the past months but she doesnt get anything.

and my husband is too shy to tell her off so I feel quiet lonely when coping with this:(

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OMG…do we have the same nand!!!:konfused:

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wannabe a mum...y do they behave like this?

My nand has even told me EXPLICITLY that she was jealous that my husband (back then we werent married) had more contact with me than her.

u know, I am sick n tired of being anxious and angry most of my time. last night I was so close to tell my husband how i felt about all this but I dint know how to put it. i dont think he's able to see it and even he is seeing it he wouldnt tell me that- cuz its his sister.

I want to make a change. I want to be more happy instead of being so endless tired all the time cuz all my energy is being wasted in thinking abt how she is behaving with me and that my husband cant see it and thus his expectations to me are high with reagrd to being nice to his sister.

This sister has been an issue from day 1 of my meeting her. First I realized that its nothing personal but later on I have realized that she really has issues with me....

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i hear ya on the friends thing...my 2 freinds tried to sabotage my wedding and upstage me as well. and now hate me and dont talk to me....all for nothing, they made things up and then turned them on me....everyone tells me its because they were both jealous i got such a goodlooking and intelligent husband....but i find this so hard to beleive as htey are 2,3 yrs younger than me and are still in school....is this jealous or any other reason...so confused...are people really like that for no reason?

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chameli instead of complaining about ur nand to ur hubby u can tell him that u need more privacy in life and u want some weekends frre even without relatives. And if u are going out just try to convince him that this time u wanna enjoy urself since soon u'll have kids so this is the only time u can enjoy and u want it for only both of u.

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awwwww ur one of those ppl taht make me wna get married…:kiss:

n mashallah u n ur husbn are happy..n thas all that matters..:slight_smile:

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Re: Married life

to phir aap ke liye rishta dhoondein