Married in name only?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Salaam,

I am looking for advice from anyone who might have been in a similar situation. I have been married for over 10 yrs to my husband and he decided he was done with the marriage and made the decision to separate. He did not involve me and left me and our 4 year old son behind to move in with a non muslim non pakistani woman who is an active alcoholic, cocaine and marijuana user, has two children already, and was/is a prostitute. Despite knowing all this and knowing his family disapproves of his actions and are supporting me 100% he refuses to admit he did any wrong doing. He is a sexual addict , addicted to adderall and prozac, smokes a pack + of cigarettes daily, he smokes marijuana and drinks daily.

He was not always like this. I have been the main financial provider for our whole marriage even though he is a doctor.

He wants to stay married in name and spend the week in our house and the weekend at his mistresses house so not to ruin our sons mental health. He says that he wants to wait until our son is older before HE decides what to do. He has his mistress working in his practice and his whole staff is covering for him even though his patients are complaining about his blatant infedelity.

I am only 32 years old. I have a good education, come from a good family, and my inlaws are completely supportive of me as they are very naak and fair people and cannot believe the amount of bastey their son is bringing to his family, especially since he still has unmarried sisters.

What should i do? My saas has asked me to continue in the marriage for at least another 3 months because she is confident in Allah (swt) that he will change. I however am not to sure since a leopard can’t change his spots. My husband has constantly cheated on me throughout the course of our marriage and complains about not being fed or living in a clean house despite the fact that I work full time. He has over a quarter of million dollars in school loans as well as a quarter of a million dollars in business loans. His business is not doing well and despite everyones best intentions he blames everyone for his problems and says we are not supportive.

2

Re: Married in name only?

Get a formal separation and take steps to end the marriage.

Not only is your son and your own mental and physical well-being at risk, your financial well-being is also of concern. If your husband wants to change, he needs to change without you around as a crutch. You've done more than your bit to support him and have have had your trust broken.

Your husband's not doing you any favours living with you during the week, your son will actually be more damaged being a witness to this dysfunctional relationship.

3

Re: Married in name only?

Very sorry about your situation. Your husband is a sex addict has cheated on you throughout has bad judgment is throwing his money away on drugs and the other woman. He is using you to put on a married status to society. He has shown no regard for your emotional well being. His every action is against your and your sons best interest.

You and your son will be better off when you gather courage to divorce him. Your inlaws while nice people have a conflict of interest. I suggest you lean on your parents siblings and relatives for the strength and support to enable you to make a clean break.

May God bless you and give you strength.

4

Re: Married in name only?

You don't need to wait for him to make your move.

Do what you need to do for you and your son.

Your husband has eliminated himself from the family so worrying about him or his problems is not your problem anymore.

5

Married in name only?

Do what you think is right. Don't worry about what your MIL or your husband says. Don't worry either about what impact of not having a father in your child's life will do either. If he's using drugs/drinking alcohol etc then he's of no use to your child anyway!

6

Re: Married in name only?

He cheated on you yo..that should be enough reason to let him go. He is well "educated person" so he can smoke his life away like that. Dont let yours and ya're kid's life be wasted on this. May Allah be with ya in this difficult times!

7

Re: Married in name only?

First thing first, my suggestion is based on your one sided story with the assumption that whatever you have said is 100% true and now the main thing:

Its really irrelevant to me who is he living with (a prostitute or a nun), what is relevant here is that he has willingly, without any pressure has left you and your son. It seems like you are nothing more than ATM for him. If you have already tried to reconcile and have exhausted all of your options, what do you want to wait for?

You are Mashallah educated, working full time and have time on your site to resettle in life (you are only 32). Why waste time then?

8

Re: Married in name only?

Sorry it is long, but u can move on.......... (May ALLAH Bless U & Ur family with every Blessing & Happiness in Life Ameen)

*Let It Go *(i have copied it from some e-mail)

There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming tosee you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it justmeans that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell yousomething.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to takeyou to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a brokenrelationship. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

9

Re: Married in name only?

Peace ufsana

Is that Afsaana or Uff :smack: Sanna ??? just my initial feelings when I read your thread … I’m sorry I’ve never been in a similar situation so I guess you are not looking for my advice … Good luck anyway … :slight_smile:

10

Re: Married in name only?

I think it will be detrimental for your son to see all that his dad "is" at such a young age.
Get shot of him

11

Re: Married in name only?

If he has not changed in 10 years, I dont think he will change in 3 months.

Better to move on while you still have time and energy.

These kind of creatures dont only take themselves down, but everyone else as well.

12

Re: Married in name only?

You're a 32 year old educated woman who already has a full-time job. Putting aside the fact that your husband cheated and overall sounds like a loser based on what you wrote.........I'm amazed that you have not left him already!

It makes me angry and sad that you have allowed you son to be around someone who is a drug addict, alcoholic, and a smoker (do yo know the health risks of 2nd hand smoking for children?!). Whether he's their father or not is irrelevant in this particular situation.

Do you really need strangers on the internet (or anyone else including your in-laws) telling you that your son should not be around someone who's a drug addict, alcoholic, and a smoker? Being an educated woman responsible for the well-being/safety of a 4 year old child, you can't figure this out on your own?

13

Re: Married in name only?

leave him. he wil not change, he is blatantly treating you and his children like Sh*t