Hi, I’m a long time reader but first time poster. This is my to to place for advice so here goes…
I have been 11 months and everything is amazing and so so good. Before marriage we agreed that we didn’t want to have a baby straight away. Somewhere down the line we changed our minds and stopped using protection about three months ago.
now, I know getting pregnant is different for everyone and it may take time.
Whats making us stress somewhat is people’s interference.
Lim a prude and don’t want to discuss anything with anyone but the lectures keep coming from my female relatives about how it’s just awful that I’m not expecting yet, and my failure to push out a baby will make my in laws different towards me, etc etc.
id like to tink that’s not true and its just a really old way of thinking but truth be told, there’s no knowing what could happen and people do change.
My inlaws are great btw, just … Expectant and waiting for ‘khuskhabri’.
It’s a personal matter and I’m getting annoyed by the endless lectures that always end in ’ your in laws will value you more if you have a baby ASAP’. Which SCARES me! Because what if they end up being right?
I know other people poke their noses in and like to ask, which puts pressure on my family who then in return pressure me.
How can I tell my mother and aunts and nani to back off?? When I tell them that they go on about how it’s for my own benefit etc.
to make things worse, a distant relative of mine married into my husbands extended fam. She got pregnant like eight months into marriage. So I have to listen to them ranting about how lucky she is and how they’re all doing duas for me.
I get scared that ill be seen as worthless if I don’t have a child ASAP.
It's a personal matter and I'm getting annoyed by the endless lectures that always end in ' your in laws will value you more if you have a baby ASAP'.
How can I tell my mother and aunts and nani to back off??
Just say we are not trying and we dont think we are still redy for it.
It may sound rediculus but make some sort of bahan regarding any job or study or somthing which can give you time and peace of mind as 3 months is just a little time. I knwo there will be posts who will say i am wrong but its a practical sugestion if you like.
Re: Married for a year, not pregnant, people keep asking why not?
I nearly fell off my sofa when I read the comment about more practice!
Erm okay three months isn’t much time.
As for massi’s etc asking about a baby my advice would be to remain calm and say “dua keya karo hamare leye”. Or say “jese Allah ki marzi” in regards to why you are not pregnant.
I had my first child nearly 4 years into my marriage. We didn’t live together for the first year so if you take that away it took around 2 years to concieve. But then it didn’t take that long to concieve second time round.
It’s different for everyone as you have mentioned.
As your In-laws seem like nice folk MashAllah I am assuming whenever you do InshAllah have a baby they will be over the moon.
It’s easier said than done but seriously stress won’t help you.
Re: Married for a year, not pregnant, people keep asking why not?
There are lots of reasons people keep bringing up this topic. For people who are more distant, just say inshAllah or dua karein or we'll see or something. Don't engage in a discussion.
For a parent or a sibling or close friend, I think you can honestly tell that person privately that you are trying but the constant questions are hurtful/bothersome/etc.
Try not to let their comments affect you. They have their opinions about what they think should or should not be happening, and they are entitled to them. You have yours, and it is your life, so you get to lead it as you wish.
