We get trapped in meeting societal expectations of those of extended family. Its good to not create conflicts on minor stuff, but having to do something you dont want to do is a big compromise, and I did not do it for teh sake of extended family ever, and niether did my wife.
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Well you and your wife are lucky that you could use your own judgement and opinion. I tried early in marriage to keep my mil happy because she never had a daughter. I was 'gurriyah' for the first year because she told me outright that she never wants to see me in simple clothes in front of her.
She told me "Meray agay khali yeh sonay sonay kupray pano." I felt pressured to be something for her that she expected. But also I wanted to keep my husband happy by pleasing his mom. I'm not one of those, 'look at me' type of people. I tend to keep a pretty low profile. I believe in dressing well but that doesn't always mean dressing up to the hilt. Many girls in our culture can pile on jewelry and rings and chooriyon. I like to wear a striking piece that compliments the outfit and be original.
Thank you. You don’t want people to hear you coming before you enter the room right? Piling on little bobbles is not nice. I would much rather invest in a good piece and wear it well.
*Marriage is about Compassion,
kindness, care and concern. All of these go a long way.
They are the things that even the deaf can read and the
blind can feel. My personal outlook on married life is that
of a journey out on the ocean. There are lots of things in the
depths of the ocean that no one knows about. What lurkes
in the abyss only the one who comes upon them can know.
Therefore, help your spouse's boat get to the shore and your
own will make it ashore as well. It's a give and take relationship. *
I would definitely have to agree with you there. The way Pakistani women in Pakistan (and some Pakistani girls here, as I have witnessed on more than one occassion) do is pile on loads of makeup, jewelry, and glitz galore which at the end completely nullifies the intended effect of looking like a stylish new bride. It actually makes the women look cheap and gawdy instead of sophisticated and elegant. I admire the fact that women in my community (older of my mom’s generation and younger of my generation and younger–all pretty fashionable folk) admire my sense of style (even now and I’m not even married yet) because I don’t pile on jewelry sets weighing a ton, dragging my entire body down to the floor with baubbles in hair, caked makeup, and a hair dye job gone wickedly out of control! Instead for ex., I would tend to wear a pair of classy (and stylishly sexy) Jimmy Choo sandals with matching evening bag with enough glitz to compliment the fancy outfit and understated but unique pieces of jewelry which would be noticed as well as duly admired yet won’t take away from the attraction of the outfit’s artwork either. I truly believe that style is all about artistry and once a woman can achieve a great sense of style, whether she is a newlywed, bachelorette, or a long-married woman, she will always be admired.
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*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
Married for three years now...
my hubby my best friend..but we fight.. we are different people who grew up in different worlds so ofcourse there will be a difference.
I think the key is being able to love the other enough to let go of petty issue... (choose your battles) and not letting ANYONE...my mom or his mom interfere... Dont hold him accountable for something his poopie chaachi maami did..
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good advice and true..
my hubby and i met on our own and were both living away from family before marriage so I didn't have to deal with leaving family loss after the shadi...but though we knew each other well, living with someone is very very different...
it's been fun, hard work but very rewarding, we do fight and it's important to choose your battles and to know to let some things go...becaues you can't be "right" all the time or have your way too..
is it like bollywood movies..no it's better...more debth, more love and much more balance. :)
Saimanyc,
poor you..my MIL loves jewelry but doesn't where alot of it and was pretty chill with what I wore as long as I dressed up for functions and parties...Lucky me. THough I did want to have more dressy events to go to since I had so many clothes!!!
I can't stand the tons of gold look...it's so cheap looking...nice bracelets, earrings and a small necklace look so nice!
