Married and In Love

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Married and In Love

Most do but some marry for the sake of marrying , some mary to have a male roommate because society demands it.
Different strokes for different folks.

22

Re: Married and In Love

You do realize there are millions of Pakistani married ladies out there?

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Married and In Love

Yes and no.

24

Re: Married and In Love

I think they stop feeling like they matter. Girls who feel like an ordinary cog in the machinery or just background noise will start acting it too. So definitely no evolution in love part.

25

Re: Married and In Love

what do i know.. am just following Chacha Ghalib's lead...

Ishq per zor nahi, hai yeh woh aatish 'Ghalib',
Jo lagaye na lage, bhujaye na bane.

26

Re: Married and In Love

I thought they married so they could play who can throw the biggest desi wedding game?

27

Re: Married and In Love

I love my husband. And In Sha Allah it will only grow stronger the longer we are married. However, I did not have an arranged marriage, knew my husband for years before we got married, and was born and raised in Canada. So I dont know if that makes any difference to how I feel or my opinion.

I do know some girls that have married because the guy had a good resume (good job, good pay, good family, lived abroad). Some of them have fallen in love with their husbands along the way, and some have not. Those ones stay married because they dont want the stigma of divorce, or thats how they saw their parents/relatives marriages, and just accept that that is what marriage is about.

28

Re: Married and In Love

I know that the thought is that any two people can make a marriage work if they try hard enough and divorce is never in their vocabulary but from my vast observation, I think there are couples that are lucky ones that find some that is as close to the lock and key fit for them when it comes to being opposite in behavior and similar in compatibility, beliefs, morals, ethics. I feel that these are the lucky few. Marriage seems easier a bit.

And then there are others that try their hand at marriage but find that as much as they try to change and adjust from their side the other person in this partnership has no interest in improving, bettering themselves for the sake of the bond and strengthening it. Might be closeted homosexuality, abuse, or has a girlfriend on the side, a total jerk. At that point the one that tries and gets nothing in return has to think,is it worth their sanity to stay when more than 90% of the qualities of the marriage are bad and painful. If there was atleast one huge positive, then stay and make it work.

Our desi store owner treats his customers like he has pms, we cannot open the boxes and visually see if the mangoes have gone bad. He's so rude to customers so i'm just thinking how he talks to his wife. Totally premature observation in that maybe he's sweet to his close family members wife included and just mean to strangers so i'm not basing anything on this but I just remember thinking thank the lord i'm not married to this dude when he was angrily talking to a customer, a guy who was doing nothing wrong and just asking a simple question.

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Re: Married and In Love

The idea of falling in love is one of the reasons behind girls getting married and finding your soulmate and living happily ever after.

But reality is different, love grows slowly, that is even if it does! Sometimes 2 people r just not right for each other but just stick it out due to stigma of divorce, kids or financial reasons.

30

Re: Married and In Love

I think this generation is 50-50. I think financial standing, family, where they live, etc. still matter to SOME women when choosing a partner. And even in arranged marriages, girls can be quite picky.

I had a love marriage personally and it was completely based on love - my husband is amazing Mashallah and his qualities attracted me towards him.
Of course though, I think arranged marriages still end up being based on love if the 2 people sincerely try to make their marriage work and are not being forced to.

But marriage I think is very different from "falling in love".. there's a lot of responsibilities, someone who makes you very vulnerable at times and at other times becomes your strength, and there's a whole lot of relations besides husband/wife to uphold. So I think even if you knew your husband from before and it was a love marriage - you will still have days when you want to smack him after marriage LOL.

31

Re: Married and In Love

urgh

32

Re: Married and In Love

.

33

Re: Married and In Love

Okay so then that means that if I was in love, as much of a jerk a guy was, I would still not say get the hell out or kick him out because from my side I can't imagine hurting the guy like that and it amazes me that another person can stoop so low and I would hope and pray that they would realize or go through a massive change in thought but I wouldn't do a revenge or a "you hurt me and I hurt you back" thing because I would keep thinking let it go or maybe I was doing something wrong. Obviously your hubby is a lot nicer more considerate and I don't know what type of stuff you argue about but he loves you too it would be both that would want to make it work out.

Not all couples are like that though. That's what i'm saying that the lock and key lucky couples assume that most other couples are like that and somehow both people in the marriage are screwing it up big time which is most of the time not the case.

34

Re: Married and In Love

i am so over with this marriage thing its all about women compromising all the time. i had a arrange married 1 half ago i am USA and husband is from Pakistan everything was gud until the road gets rocky..... Man lack appreciation for their wife ... ps just frustrated

35

Re: Married and In Love

What are the positives of your marriage and what are things you value in this sacred bond of marriage? List them for me. Best thing about your hubby in relation to you?

I get that there are a few negatives but i'm guessing most likely it isn't more than 90% all wrong right? you are married for less than 10 years so it's going to be rocky.

36

Re: Married and In Love

the most positive thing result in the marriage is daughter of 8 month.i am trying to make it work from the best of my abilities. he is gud father and helpful in housework.but just getting tired and stress about argument everyday i try my best not to say anything back but everyone has a limit...

37

Re: Married and In Love

I'm not married but a desi guy that helps with housework is really really rare. I'm guessing you two have quite a bit in common. You don't disagree about every single thing right? I know women whose husbands were closeted gay guys, were not faithful, or were abusive physically or verbally, or they had mostly 90% of the marriage being hellish so I don't see your marriage arguments being as bad compared to what these women have gone through. Can I say if you two have atleast more than 50% of the your marriage going good, stay positive and pray it will get better the more you two get to know each other. I just wanted to hear from you that there were quite a few positives to marriage as well as long as there is some compatibility and similarities. Hopefully some of the happily married women/men here can provide more input....?

38

Re: Married and In Love

:( It's hard to raise kids in an unhappy marriage.

Hope it gets better and he becomes a better husband to you mfsesarah

39

Re: Married and In Love

We argue about things that at times are ridiculous but sometimes they can be serious things like the behaviour of certain family members, etc. But it's nothing we both can't get past because of course we don't intentionally say or do anything to hurt the other. And usually we reach a common compromise if it's an argument or the person at fault apologizes. But like I said above, both people need to be sincerely in the marriage, willing to make it work. It will of course never work out if only one person is committed.

I agree that all couples are not the same, but if BOTH individuals get married for the right reasons then love can develop over time. I've seen couples in arranged marriages too who you would think had a love marriage because they connected with one another that well. A marriage is honestly what both people put into it. Of course it won't be great if both people go into a marriage with the wrong intentions. I think if anyone has that mentality of "you hurt me, I hurt you back", then they are not mature enough to be getting married anyways. I don't know anyone who would stoop that low to hurt a family member on purpose.