I think that things usually go much smoother in these kind of marriages. Much. You don’t have so much kit pit and even the judgemental aunties keep shut in front of non desis as they are out to make a good impression you know 
Re: marriages to non-pakistanis
^ Hahah, this is very true. All the couples I know that married outside of their culture usually pretty happy.
Re: marriages to non-pakistanis
My hubby is Greek and lucky for me he has travelled and worked all over the world so he was totally up for the cultural aspects when we had our nikah, very happily wore a shirvani etc. Now we're planning our wedding this year. I think it suited him really well to find a foreign wife because he always liked to break the rules, ha ha! His family are really nice people, no problems. I think my MIL would have preferred me to be Greek, but then my Dad would have preferred I married a pakistani so hey ho! We get along very well too, which I hear is unusual.
Hubby did try to convince me to wear a white wedding gown for the wedding but I was like you wear what you want, i have a culture too you know! NOw we're having fun picking beautiful, colourful ethnic wedding cards instead of the white and cream stuff (no offence, but desi weddings rock in terms of colours!!). I think he likes to provoke the elders he knows when they ask "When are you two getting married" by saying we're already married, we had a muslim marriage. Maybe they gossip about it later but it annoys him that he doesn't manage to irritate them there and then, them being strict Christians!
Basically Greeks are like Pakistanis and a bit suspicious of 'outsiders' especially the older generation. Younger people don't really care and think it's kinda cool.
I'm at an intermediate level speaking Greek now, hubby speaks no Urdu apart from 'bas', ha ha! I plan on teaching my kids english, urdu, Greek and my tutti phutti punjabi. Inshallah they're going to grow up with open minds and a greater appreciation of the two great cultures their parents come from.
Re: marriages to non-pakistanis
^ that's very sweet! :)
Re: marriages to non-pakistanis
Yep SGC it is a beautiful thing. We're all one human race after all. If everyone joined in, in a couple of generations we'd all be one big happy family!
As for kids and more than one language, I grew up speaking urdu as a second language with no problems. I did struggle in the urdu exams at school, but then so did all my urdu speaking pals since what you get taught in the syllabus is usually way too fancy compared to what you speak day to day!
A linguist once told me a bi-lingual/tri-lingual child appears to talk less, but this is not true. Let's say they're 1.5 years and starting to talk. Their peers speak 100 words a day, and you may get the impression that your child speaks half that. But the truth is they will be keeping up with their peers, only they'll speak 50 english words and 50 spanish words (example). So in fact, they too are saying 100 words a day like their peers.
Bringing up a child with more than one language has no negative effects on them.
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
Hmmm…interesting that the topic turned towards languages which I think is indeed a great part of a Interracial marriage. I think different cultures are fine but I am not sure about different religions.
BTW, I looked up the thread after looking at these incredible pics.
*Indian - American Fusin wedding (Bollywood meets wine country extravaganza):
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
^ i don't know mahi. maybe at one time it was easier to raise kids as the same religion as both parents were since the world was smaller and less multicultural, but i know plenty of couples now who both follow the same religion and face more or less the same challenges in raising their kids in that religion, that mixed religion couples face when raising theirs.
its not so easy to blend your religious beliefs and the open, multicultural societies that we live in nowadays, esp. in north america. in the end, i firmly believe you raise your kids to the best of your abilities, but how well they follow the religion is up to them. i've seen muslim kids raised in entirely muslim households who get up to all sorts- drinking, partying, dating, etc. right next to kids who are non-muslim or half muslim.
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
you guys have no idea how comfortable this thread makes me feel 
D:D
Because i am almost new (growing old in it 
) to how people see this, and was very conscious in the beginning, this thread i am going to put close to my heart and just smile the whole day .. and forever D:D
I am engaged to a dutchy .. in fact when he came to meet me in pakistan (as friends) we didnt know if we had any feelings for each other .. but when he left, my father kind of took hint of what’s going on, and he’d been the one supporting me from day 0! (zero becuz he supported me even before i told him that i liked the dutchy … yea it was a wee bit awkward conversation one bright morning … “no daddy theres nothing going on” )
and mashAllah we are getting married in Jan, and his family will be participating (who were not really too happy initially about their son being Muslim, but the mother recently verbalised her accpetance) … but they’ve always been nice to me regardless .. and i have an amazing bonding wiht my SIL and her fiance …
we’ll be having a full on traditional wedding .. like they are done … but also a reception when we come back to the netherlands … which i would like for it to be a fusion still .. a gown is on my wishlist 
the thing i love most about my in-laws is that we are a whole world (almost) in one family. my dutchy’s brother and sister have a peruvian and Egyptian partner, respectively. So no culture over-rides another, and it’s wonderful to see that there can be peace! 
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
Wow its a really nice thread. i didn´t knew that so many desi gals r married to goras. well,
i also live in europe and can understand the way u guys have felt.
Thanx for sharing ur stories. :)
i think this thread would benefit from this story too
**Home
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Learning 2-3 languages while growing up.....wont it be a burden on a child. But i always feel a child will learn what a mother teaches.
If it was difficult for a child to learn 2/3 languages (don't most of us speak at least 2 languages fluently anyway?) schools would not be teaching kids French, German, Spanish etc. as they do here in the UK. In fact I don't think I know a single person who speaks only one language. Children are like sponges anyway, they find it pretty easy to pick up languages.. I used to be fluent in 4 European languages (not counting Latin lol) but as I've gotten older and I've lost practise I only feel really comfortable (ie speaking without having to 'think' the words before I speak them out aloud) speaking two. With my own future kids I'd hope they don't get 'rusty' as I've done :(
My other half is English, my parents are fine with the situation and have given their blessing (we already have a few mixed marriages in our family as well as many many family friends' kids who have 'married out') as are his and his family but my brother isn't. He'll often make little digs (and then get his head bitten off by my dad lol) about it. It's funny cos he's the sort of person who likes to think he's a good Muslim but then comes out with stuff that totally contradicts Islamic principles such as the stereotypical view of a lot of desi guys in over here that it's ok to have relationships but not marry white girls, even if they want to convert. He even came out with a 'threat' to my parents once that if they didn't allow him to marry his other half (who is desi, Bengali, and no, they would never stop us marrying a person anyway, they just wanted him to complete his studies first) he would go out and get a white girl pregnant. It was one of the lowest things I have ever heard but kinda sums up the attitude of a lot of young desi lads in the UK. I blame my Mum a bit for spoiling him and leading him to believe he can get away with saying and acting however he wants with little or no consequences. He's a doctor so you'd expect him to be a bit more 'balanced' and have his head screwed on but unfortunately not..
My fiance and I aren't getting married till next year and have to admit my mind is in knots already trying to decide even simple things like could/should I wear a western style white or ivory gown for the civil ceremony (and if so how much skin is acceptable to show without giving all the aunties heart attacks lol) and desi for the reception or go desi for both parts.. Altho we're generally both v.stubborn and want our own way when it comes to wedding prep luckily he's been really laid-back and open to pretty much anything, he loves checking out all the bridal lehengas and wedding gowns lol but apart from that, the venue, flowers, invitations etc he's told me to just go ahead and pick what I want :)
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
^ agree with the language thing.
i'd say go with a white gown for the registry (something sleeveless maybe so its "acceptable" skin lol?) and then go traditional for your reception. why not have the best of both worlds?
sorry about your brother though- hopefully he'll come around.
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
^I hope so but I won't hold my breath :( Am just going to try and put that stuff to the back of my mind..
Btw, did u wear a western-style gown? If so, what sort of style?
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
^ i just had the one big reception, so i wore a lehenga. but there’s lots of really pretty styles out there that would work according to desi requirements.
this one is really cute and could work with a lovely classic audrey-hepburn-in-breakfast-at-tiffany’s updo and tiara - mac&hazel: Image
so would these styles- http://magazine.zankyou.com/en/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/zankyou1-1024x640.jpg
or this- http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_kxc8hJpR7xk/SeP416_vqwI/AAAAAAAAAEE/SMEOVc6v6Hg/s400/boatneck+floorlength.jpg
sigh. so pretty!
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
my friends sister married an arab, she is pakistani, there was some issues with the walima as arabs usually only have a nikah and then a big reception paid/organised by the grooms side, however she wanted a full traditional wedding with mehndi and rukhsati
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
Not a combination you see too often…in fact I’d say it’s still probably the biggest marriage taboo among desis. Which is probably why the bride’s mother looks like she just got hit by a truck.
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
something I dont get about some of these marriages....why do people date a non-Muslim for years and then all of a sudden decide its important that he or she convert for marriage? You didn't care about it then, why now? It seems like its just to appease parents or society and its really unfair to the person having to convert.
Re: Marriages to Non-Pakistanis/Goras
How true. A relative of mine was going out with a Christan girl - His parents were OK for him to date, but the moment he mentioned marriage, it was a big NO NO.
They wanted the girl to convert, and kept putting hurdles in everything.!!
Finally, the boy stood his ground and said - he was going ahead, with his wedding, with or without them..
They are happily married now. They respect both religions & traditions.