gooni_2000 posted 08-12-2002 04:38 PM CT (US)
During the short span of last three or four days … I have heard some divorce or near divorce stories among couples who I thought were in ideal marriages… and I am talking about muslim Pakistani couples. A few months ago when I had a chance to talk to some people from Lahore who were saying that divorces are becoming more and more common everyday.
What has gone wrong with the system?? Is it because girls … who have always been considered responsible to make a marriage work because they are the ones who always compromise… are losing this remarkable capacity with increasing awareness of basic human rights… or is it because Pakistani men simply would refuse to get down from their high horses no matter how bad things get.
There could be other reasons ofcourse, but I always thought that it comes down to the couple to save a marriage. All other factors seem to be exactly like before… or have there been other changes that i failed to notice???
Any thoughts???
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Faisal posted 08-12-2002 04:55 PM CT (US)
Each case is different so I honestly can’t say why there are more divorces now than before, but to this date, I have classified the causes of divorce to three broad categories:
- Interference of in-laws (can be from either guy or gal’s side)
- Financial problems
- Emotional immaturity
All other specific instances get blown out due to either of the above. The worst of them is #1, and it is the most frustrating as well. In urdu there is a very appropriate term, “kaan bharna”, which has wrecked more marriages than I’d care to remember. It beats me why parents would want to destroy the marriages of their own children by their stupidity, short-sightedness and possessiveness.
Why more marriages are failing now is probably because of #2 or #3. With more materialistic life style, couples want everything, very quickly. The barrage of TV ads and luxury items on sale, make it virtually impossible for couples to be satisfied with what they have. Money, being generally in short supply, that can quickly raise discontent. Mental comparisons with peers and their life style also increases the feeling of frustration, after which even small matters tend to get blown out of proportion.
And #3 kicks in due to heavier influence of western values, which de-sanitize the readers/viewers to pre-marital affairs and extra-marital friendships. “Your Life Your Way” is a popular mantra, which may sell millions of books, but can also wreck havoc for many marital lives. It creates a feeling that satisfactory marital life between couples is a myth,as it makes both of them constantly on the look out for better and better. This is basically emotional immaturity.
In some rare cases, I have seen divorces due to medical condition (impotency or childlessness tops the list) but that is understandable, though no less painful.
Having said that, I do tend to disagree with most people who say that divorce is not necessarily a bad thing, if it gets you out of a painful life. Divorce should normally be the last available resort, not necessarily the first threat.
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Sephistopheles posted 08-13-2002 12:26 PM CT (US)
As the day of judgement comes near, there will be more divorces.