Why couples tends to fight more as their marriage grows old? My this aunts shes around 45-50 she went with me on shopping and we went on foot because market is near to my house. My father had asked me to call him so he could take us back in car but when i called him he told me that he is still stuck in the bank and that he is sending my uncle (my aunts husband) so he would drop us home.
When i told this to my aunt she is like ‘gher kuan sa door hai paidal hi chalay jatay hein’ and i am like okay we were half way back when i saw my uncle coming…
I am like its good uncle is here now he would drop us home but the moment my aunt saw my uncle coming she started muttering something which was unheardable for me anyhow so my uncle stopped the car near us and since i was holding all of the bags i hurriedly put the stuff on the car’s back seat and while i was doing it i heard my aunt’s cry, i turned around and saw her fallen on the ground trying to get up, paniced . I hastily moved towards her and helped her in getting up, kept asking her her if she is hurt so we could take her to the doctor instantly but she said that she is fine and wants to go back home instead to i helped her sitting in car and we went back to home.
All the way back she kept wiping her eyes so i knew she was crying i asked her a few times if she is okay but she replied me so angrily that i thought not to ask again.
When we came back home i checked her there were minor scratchs on her legs, cleaned her wounds and but now she was crying aloud. I was worried if she is not feeling well and thats why she fell on the ground so i asked how she fell upon it she started whining about how my uncles has been treating all her life and how unhappy life she have been spending with and things which i have never heard about them …
Later that night when she was feeling better she asked me not to mentioned it to anybody and she told me that she fell because when he saw his hunband coming it made her too angry to realise where she is going.
Now when i think of it i wonder why is that most married couples fights more as they get old or its in only my family? My own parents separated after 24 years of marriage. So when i see things like this it makes me hate this relationship.
Why most of the couples regardless living together or separate are not happy with their life? When i see things through islam how beautiful this relationship is, a man and a woman most clostest to each other, each others secret keeper, lovers, yet they have complaints from each other like anything … why? And most at of the issues between them are like tumhari family nay yey kia wo kia apnay khud k personal issues say zayda aik dosray ki family ki waja say inmein laryaan zayda hoti hein …
The most beautiful relationship yet this much complications?
P.s. I am not a married person myself so may be whatever i said above is not hunderd percent right since its based on only observation instead experience
You’re basing all married couples on two examples?
My parents divorced after 19 years of marriage…my husband and I have a wonderful marriage/relationship (mA), going 15 years strong, and same goes for the majority of all relatives/friends around me.
Point is, so don’t make such wide assumptions. Marriage is about the two individuals, no one (even the couples own children or relatives) can fully know what transpires between the husband and wife and what is the root cause for their relationship to fail.
No no i am not basing it on two couples but just mentioned two of them i know/see/hear couples like these around me thats why i said that may be its just in my family but then i know same things happening in between my friends parents. And in most of the stories husbands making their wives miserable… this thread is public so i would not go in details but yeah i know how they treat their wives beating and threating them etc …
So again, I’m not quite underatanding your point…what exactly are you asking?
Is every marriage doomed to fail? Certainly not.
Is there a manual or guide to follow for be perfect marriage? No.
For every 10 couples you know where the husband is horrible, are their hundreds more where the husband is kind, loving and respectful? Most certainly yes.
If you’re that scared of getting married (which IMO is irrational) then it’s simple…stay single.
^ tha’s the whole problem..you’re assuming ALL married couples are like that, destined to be fighting and miserable on later years and that is just not true.
Please don’t take that baggage and defensiveness into your own marriage from the get go.
Maano, that’s a generalization and not necessarily true. There can, however, be several reasons why fights may increase, or more likely become more noticeable to others, as years go by: there can be the sense of disappointment that the spouse did not turn out to be the way they wanted, that all the years of *“nibhaing” *the relationship do not seem to be working after all, but there can also be increased stress from work, mounting financial difficulties, anxieties about children etc.. Sometimes in desi households, in-laws’ interference can poison the relationship between the couple, and for some men who grew up in the 50s or 60s and perhaps internalized the gender codes of the time, unfortunately some did not really see their wife as an equal partner in their marriage. Yes, marriage is complicated and not all marriages are fairy tale stories, and sometimes a separation or divorce is the best option given the alternative of keeping up with the status quo. We can never know everything that transpires between a couple, even when it comes to our own parents, and, I think, if at all possible, we should be supportive and not judgmental about the decisions they make. Sometimes things do fall apart and it makes sense to part your ways, but a divorce does not necessarily mean that people start wishing ill for their ex-spouse. They may even have a soft corner for their ex or remain in good terms with their ex for the sake of their children.
I would not become disenchanted with marriage as an institution. But I would not rush into it either. It is very important to try to gauge emotional compatibility beforehand, to see that there is no outright personality clash or, for that matter, major divergences between your life-goals and aspirations and those of your potential spouse.
And thank you everyone for you kind words now i want to ask another question which is although is different from the topic but still let me ask specially from Khattichi …
If a Nikah-ofied girl (no rukhsati) gets divorce then would she still be called a divorced person? Or it should be just called a broken engagment?
Nikkah is the marriage contract. You are married if you have said the 3 qubools in front of the witnesses and haq mehr had been declared. There is no “engagement” concept in Islam. Yay humari pagal desi mentality hai jo Nikkah without ruhksati ko sirf baat paki ki tarha banaakay dheki jaati.
So yes, if two people have preformed Nikkah, but have not “consummated” the marriage/not had ruhksati, then they will still be “divorced” if the marriage disolves.
we were half way back when i saw my uncle coming…
