Marriage

Salaams-
i need islamic based answers please…
ok i no that culturally in most islamic societies that marriage is arranged. tha’s the way my parents were and that’s what they expect of me when comes the time. but i don’t think i could ever marry someone i didn’t know. Now my best friend, just got engaged. the guy asked her directly. then her parents, then let his know once cosent was given. There was no dating. they met through friends at college. so nothign islamic there. plus didn’t khadija ask the prphet herslef? so, what exactly is the islamic saying on marriage. All the muslim ppl out there (no offense, who stayed w/in islamic ok’s) how did u get married, and how did it turn out?

ps. i am not ANYWHERE near marriage. i just wonder


“Dil hai ki manta nahin”- always 714

Please check the religion section for continuation of this discussion.....

thanks!

[quote]
Originally posted by 714:
**Salaams-
i need islamic based answers please...
ok i no that culturally in most islamic societies that marriage is arranged. tha's the way my parents were and that's what they expect of me when comes the time. but i don't think i could ever marry someone i didn't know. Now my best friend, just got engaged. the guy asked her directly. then her parents, then let his know once cosent was given. There was no dating. they met through friends at college. so nothign islamic there. plus didn't khadija ask the prphet herslef? so, what exactly is the islamic saying on marriage. All the muslim ppl out there (no offense, who stayed w/in islamic ok's) how did u get married, and how did it turn out?

ps. i am not ANYWHERE near marriage. i just wonder

**
[/quote]

You see, no response for your questions so far.You are asking this to all stupids. IF you would have asked any of us (BB, Ghazi and Irrefragable) we would have given you perfect asnwer according to Islaam in detail.


Ghazi
Facts Are The Authority!

Hi:

Below are the facts according to Islamic Sharia. This information will educate Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Wama alaina illal balaagh!

But like to share with all Muslims that ** FORCED MARRIAGE ** is not accepted by Islaam. It can be ** ANNULLED ** under Islamic Sharia or other laws. Muslims must not make a big deal out of it. Some times it happens in some ignorant families. However, objective is to resolve the problem not to start a non-sense. If Muslims know their own religion, the Noble Quran and Sunnah. It will never happen. If one's parents are ignorant does not mean that child to be ignorant as well. Child especially a girl must be able to advocate for their right under Islamic laws. Family itself can decide what is wrong, what is right and what will fix the problem?

Since on GupShup almost all Muslims have proved themselves to be ignorant. I'll educate you about what to look for according to Islamic Sharia and educate your ignorant parents if they are forcing you.

Please read carefully the folloing verses with subject matter in Noble Quran and comprehend them.

Marriage, 25:54
· adultery, 17:32
· evidence required (four witnesses), 24:4
· false accusers punishment, 24:4, 24:19, 24:23
· forbidden, 17:32, 25:68
· if there aren't four witnesses, 24:6-9
· marriage after, 24:3
· punishment for, 24:2
· appoint arbiter from among you when fearing a breach, 4:35
· complaints, 58:1
· don't hold wives against their will, 4:19
· dowry, 4:4, 4:19-21, 4:24, 4:25, 5:5, 60:10, 60:11
· other mutually agreed arrangements, 4:24
· woman may return it, 4:4
· forbidden
· to certain kin, 4:22-24
· to non-believers, 2:221, 5:5, 60:10
· fornication forbidden, 4:24, 4:25, 4:27, 5:5
· if unable, 24:33
· if woman fears mistreatment from her husband, 4:128
· love and tenderness, 30:21
· polygamy, 4:3
· restrictions about, 4:3
· warning against, 4:129
· recline with spouses in Paradise, 36:56, 40:8, 43:70
· spouses are raiment for each other, 2:187
· to adopted son's ex-wife is permitted, 33:37
· to orphans, 4:3
· to single woman only, 4:24
· to slave
· and among slaves, 24:32
· woman if need arises, 4:3, 4:25
· better if men don't marry, 4:25
· even if she's married before being captured, 4:24
· punishment only half of free women's if immoral, 4:25
· to unmarried only, 24:32

AHADEETH

Women in Islaam:

Reported from Anas b. Malik, the Prophet said: "Girls are models of affection and sympathy and a blessing to the family. If a person has one daughter, God will screen him from the fire of hell owing to his daughter; if he has two daughters, God will admit him to paradise; if he has three, God will exempt him from the obligation of charity and Jehad."
(Kanz al-Ummal:277).

Abu Hurairah says, "The Prophet of God said that if a person has three daughters whom he provides for and brings up, God will surely reward him with paradise."
(Kanz al-Ummal).

According to Abdullah ibn Mas'ud, the Prophet is reported to have said; "If a daughter is born to a person and he brings her up, gives her a good education and trains her in the arts of life, I shall myself stand between him and hell-fire.
(Kanz al-Ummal).

*Ibn Abbas reported that a virgin grown-up girl came to the Prophet of Allah and narrated that her father had given her in marriage to a person whom she disliked. The Prophet gave her option. *
(Abu Dawud).

Khansa' b. Khidham reported that her father gave her in marriage, after she had became a widow. She disliked it and came to the Prophet. He annulled the marriage.
(Bukhari).

According to a report from Abdullah b. 'Umar, the Prophet (peace be upon him) declared: "The whole world is a thing to be made use of and the best thing in the world is a virtuous wife."
(Muslim).

Ayeshah praised the women of Ansar for their spirit of enquiry and learning, saying, 'How praiseworthy are the women of Ansar that their modesty does not prevent them from attempts at learning and the acquisition of knowledge.'
(Sahih Muslim Kitab al Tahrat).

Umar, the Second Caliph, says, 'When a person marries a woman, and the woman stipulates that she would not be taken out of the town or city, of her residence, it is necessary for the husband to abide by the stipulation.'
(Tirmidhi p. 385).

A report from Ibn Abbas states that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: 'A previously married woman is more a guardian for herself than her guardian and a virgin should be asked permission about herself, and her permission is her silence.'
(Muslim).
NOTE: I RECOMMEND THAT GIRL SHOULD EXPRESS THEIR CONSENT WITH CLEARITY.

Abu Hurairah reports that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: 'A grown-up girl shall be asked permission about herself. If she is silent, it is her permission; and if she declines, there shall be no compulsion on her.'
(Muslim).

Ibn Abas reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) declared: 'Those women are adulteresses who marry themselves without the presence of witnesses.'
(Tirmidhi).

Ibn Umar says: 'Uthman b. Mazu'um left behind a young daughter. My uncle, Qudamah, married her to me, and did not even consult her. When the girl came to know this, she disliked this marriage and she wished to marry Mughirah b. Shu'bah. So she was married to Mughirah.
(Ibn Majah).

*Ayeshah, says, 'A girl came and stated that her father had given her in marriage to his nephew and she disliked him. I told her to wait till the Prophet arrived. When the Prophet came, I told him the full story of the girl. He at once sent for the father of the girl and enquired whether the facts stated were true, after which he told the girl the she was at liberty to choose or repudiate her husband. The girl replied that she chose to retain her marriage, and she wanted only to know whether women had the rights in the matter.' *
(Nasai).

*Ayeshah said, the Prophet (peace be upon him) of God declared: 'Marriage of a woman is invalid without there being a guardian.' *
(Tirmidhi Kitab al-Nikah).

P.S. Those who have trouble with or objection with long post will remain ignorant. Because these issue requires forensic and empirical results and facts.


Bubble Buster
"You mess with the BEST
You LOSE like the REST!"

Hi there

Bubble Buster,
I found what you wrote very interesting to read - but one question following on from what you wrote :

Supposing a girl wants to marry someone (a muslim) but her parents do not agree, even though his parents are ok with it. What should she do? The obvious answer would be to "leave" the guy and do what the parents say, but what if they know that they will be happy together? Also, what if they have their Nikaah with just one set of parents? Surely this would be better than them doing whatever beforehand??
And what would happen if she doesn't marry him because her parents have said no to her, but as she has done everything else with him, wouldn't it be worse that she just finish it with him and marry someone else, under false pretences?

[quote]
Originally posted by Lubna:
**Hi there

Bubble Buster,
I found what you wrote very interesting to read - but one question following on from what you wrote :

Supposing a girl wants to marry someone (a muslim) but her parents do not agree, even though his parents are ok with it. What should she do? The obvious answer would be to "leave" the guy and do what the parents say, but what if they know that they will be happy together? Also, what if they have their Nikaah with just one set of parents? Surely this would be better than them doing whatever beforehand??
And what would happen if she doesn't marry him because her parents have said no to her, but as she has done everything else with him, wouldn't it be worse that she just finish it with him and marry someone else, under false pretences?**
[/quote]

Lubna:

BB has been banned from posting by hypocrite and unbeliever friendly so-called Muslim Admin.

Please allow me to respond to your query since I think I can answer being a father of six daughters and a Muslim Al_Humdu-Lillah myself.

The issue in question is the ** girl and her consent ** according to Quran and Sunnah. What BB has posted is purely based on Islamic Sharia. So there is no IF, BUT, PERHAPS, MAY BE, I THINK, IN MY OPINION is acceptable. Everything is out of question.

Your question has several parts.

(1) Boy’s parents and their consent are secondary and not an issue here.
(2) A Muslim girl cannot marry without a ** Wali ** (guardian). It is advised that she find a courageous Wali, like her Uncle, elder brother or some on else etc. to substitute the parents. You know it will cause a whole lot of roar. But without Wali a marriage is like adultery. So girl may not want to jeopardize herself in hereafter.
(3) She must stick to her guns and speak out about her choice. The only problem I can see as father a girl may face is if the boy has “Sherai Aib” means he is guilty of committing something against Sharia. I will assume that is not the case. So girl need to sit down with her parents with Quran and Hadith and discuss with parents, she may like to have her supporters present as well, like her brothers/sisters/close relatives. Girl may be surprised to learn how girl’s brothers/sisters and other close relatives can be a help.
(4) Regarding your question that what if she has done everything with him? It is very open question and requires an open answer. Let us define everything into ** fornication **… since both didn’t get caught does not means that they are off the hook in hereafter. I believe in this case it becomes more important for both to get married and ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness by regular prayers. Because he is the most beneficent and most merciful.

Islam on forcination
Holy Quran 4:24-25-27:
24…Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those (captives and slaves) whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allâh ordained for you. All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allâh is Ever All­Knowing, All­Wise.
25…And whoever of you have not the means wherewith to wed free, believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those (captives and slaves) whom your right hands possess, and Allâh has full knowledge about your Faith, you are one from another. Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardians, Auliyâ' or masters) and give them their Mahr according to what is reasonable; they (the above said captive and slave-girls) should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boy-friends. And after they have been taken in wedlock, if they commit illegal sexual intercourse, their punishment is half that for free (unmarried) women.] This is for him among you who is afraid of being harmed in his religion or in his body; but it is better for you that you practise self­restraint, and Allâh is Oft­Forgiving, Most Merciful.
27…Allâh wishes to accept your repentance, but those who follow their lusts, wish that you (believers) should deviate tremendously away from the Right Path.

If she marries to some one else, it will not be fair with him. And if girl loves the other guy and he loves her and both are sincere and honest to marry, they deserve a chance to resolve the crisis and neutralize the situation here and for herefater. ** In that case girl must find a way to compel her parents one way or other to emphasize that she will not allow them to act against Islamic teachings. Sometimes it does not matters what we say, but how we say it?** I hope that you are getting my drift.

Let us conclude it with:

** A GRIL CANNOT MARRY WITHOUT A WALI; SHE MUST HAVE A WALI.

IF GIRL HAS DONE EVERYTHING WITH THE GUY, SHE MUST FIND AND MAKE EFFORTS TO LEGALIZE (UNDER SHARIA) TO MARRY THE GUY AND BOTH ASK ALLAH FOR FORGIVENESS. BECAUSE THEY HAVE COMMITTED A SIN AGAINST ALLAH. SO IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND ALLAH. IF BOTH DO THAT I HAVE NOT DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT THEY WILL BE FOREGIVEN AND WILL BE HAPPY HERE AND HEREAFTER.**

You will agree after knowing my views that my daughters are blessed by Allah (SWT).

[This message has been edited by Chand Mian (edited April 09, 2000).]