this is my very first time posting in Life1 ( i cant believe it).
My dilema is that if u r studying something really high, meaning u r in med school, law school, pharmacy or any other high standard profession and ur age is about to get married…y is that ppl who come and propose u they first ask about ur profession and after hearing that u r in med school, law school or pharmacy they take more interest..otherwise they back up!
Y now a days ppl made marriage not to a person to person but actually their occupation to occupation??
What if I am not in med school then does that mean i wont get any proposal from any doctor??
Sometimes i feel like backing up from what i am studying and then see the rxn of same people…would it be the same or not?
Anyways, i want to hear from eveyrone here that what do they think is that how should be done, if yes/no then y??
Mashallah Mashallah, Evil ke bhi shadi hone wali hai :rotato:
Meri jaan daro nahi, tumhe koi set larka hi mile ga
I think because our culture is so close and marriage is regarded as a union of two families, people want to know more about the other person. You might want to know whether he is kind, good person etc but his family would wanna know about the family and they about your education. Its all messed up between parents and kids. Sometimes kids take control and choose their partner by themselves. Sometimes parents do it for their kids. I think you are more likely to go for someone of your choice so discuss it with your parents :).
I think its quite dumb, because the same guys' mothers (note mothers, not guys) who are looking for dactarni's, also want the said dactarni's to stop working after marriage and "settle down".
To these said boy and their mothers, the best response is a succint: "Abhay chal, dafa ho".
Well, I think if you have an occupation that will be very demanding and hectic....then it's a good idea to marry someone who's also in the same field.
For example....Doctors....they have a very hectic and demanding schedule. Both my parents are doctors....they met in med school and married afterwards....after marriage, both my mom and dad worked full time. Both have a schedule that was unpredictable(having to rush to the hospital middle of the night), demanding and hectic(working late evenings, weekends, holidays etc.)....heck I remember years where either one or both of my parents had to even work on Eid!
But you know what.....neither one of my parents ever complained about the other's schedule. My mom was never at home bored when my dad was pulling his long hours at work because my mom was equally busy and plus she understood from first hand experience what it feels like to be a doctor and the mental/physical demands of the job. I remember when my mom was 8-9 months pregnant with my sisters....even around that time my dad would have to leave all of a sudden if a call came from the hospital....yet my mom never complained....b/c she understood. My mom had told me a lot of times that I shouldn't marry a doctor since I didn't go into medicine myself.....and she also tells me that if I do end up marrying a doctor, to realize before that I will spend a lot of nights/weekends/and some holidays without my husband.
There are several other couples in my family where both husband and wife are doctors and my cousins have told me their parents feel the same way. As far as I can remember, my parents never had an argument b/c one of them was upset that the other one was working so hard.
I think that if your're a doctor, lawyer, business owner etc.....or have a job that requires looooong, hectic hours....and these days with many business related jobs that require a lot of traveling, it's unfair to marry someone who doesn't have a career as demanding as yours because while you're putting in long hours at work and are away from home, your spouse will be alone at home or will have to find other things to keep himself/herself busy. But if your spouse had a career just as demanding, then he/she won't have time to bitch about your career since he/she does the exact same thing(puts long hours at work/travels a lot etc.).
Of course, none of the above applies to those people who marry doctors/lawyers etc. just for the status/money.
Evil girl : Nothing can be done about it. You can't force someone to marry you, just like no one can really force you to give up your job, including your in-laws...even if it was your job that attracted the rishtaa in the first place.
If they're not willing to compromise on the job issue, and you're not willing either, then there is no prospect of a marriage. Move on and find someone else.
Now if the parents of the guy find your occupation interesting to use to their advantage by upping their social status (oh I have a dactarni bahu), but the guy himself has no such issues with your profession and does not mind you practicing medicine, then well...I'd focus on the guy, not his parents. Well as long as you can ascertain that he wont fall prey to family pressure.
First accept my apologies inadvance that u guys masha'allah reply so good by writing a lot me on the other hand is not into too much typing...so ill be saying less and reading more :D
I've met so many parents who won't consider a boy for their daughter unless he's a doctor.
Then again, I heard about a very popular guy at this year's ISNA convention "mixer" that was a breath of fresh air precisely because he was NOT a doctor, engineer, or comp sci guy.
I don’t care if she has a degree or not. She needs to be honest, loyal and never disturb me during sports. I’ll take care of her shopping receipts :biggthumb.
Education is good because you need your spouse to be able to give your kids good knowledge about life and be a great role modle. I think the new generation does not stress on occupation rather than on love and/or connection ;).
