Marriage rituals

[Cashmere]

**I was wondering about a variety of marriage rituals that take place in different cultures.
Whenever a guy and a girl are getting married, there are different rituals that the family members do on the day of the wedding [e.g doodh pilayee ki rasam etc.]

One of these rituals that pop into my head [and never fail to disturb me] is how the mother in law of the newly wed bride holds a chicken in her hands and encircles it over the bride’s/groom’s head seven times. The chicken is then thrown horizontally [the chicken regains its flying ability and flies towards the ground] and later is slaughtered as a sacrifice [supposed to be ‘sar sadka’].

Another one I witnessed was the ritual of putting some sort of Oil on both sides of the gate while the newly wed groom arrives home with his wife.

I have no idea what these are supposed to mean, but I would love to hear more traditions that your families follow related to marriages. **

[muqawwee123]

Re: Marriage rituals

[QUOTE]
*One of these rituals that pop into my head [and never fail to disturb me] is how the mother in law of the newly wed bride holds a chicken in her hands and encircles it over the bride's/groom's head seven times. The chicken is then thrown horizontally [the chicken regains its flying ability and flies towards the ground] and later is slaughtered as a sacrifice [supposed to be 'sar sadka'].
*
[/QUOTE]

Is it in Punjabi culture?

[QUOTE]

*Another one I witnessed was the ritual of putting some sort of Oil on both sides of the gate while the newly wed groom arrives home with his wife. *
[/QUOTE]

I think this used to be follwed in Sindhi community as well

[KKF]

Re: Marriage rituals

it's all nonsensical rasam and against Islamic belief system...it's a pagan ritual...we got so many rusoom from Hindus and it has no place in Islam. it constitutes a sin if done intentionally.

[muqawwee123]

Re: Marriage rituals

How come it is a sin, if it doesn't violate basic principles of faith? Does religion put a bar on all cultural practices?

[KKF]

Re: Marriage rituals

How come it is a sin, if it doesn't violate basic principles of faith? Does religion put a bar on all cultural practices?

you know what happens at those places...don't you? they do violate Islamic principles. you know that these days those peer o murshids are nothing more than chhaR lamanDli bahroopiye. going to them and acting upon their instructions will constitute a sin....why can't you do it yourself?

[mahool]

Re: Marriage rituals

Mayon (Naat, Ubtan...)
Mehndi (Songs, Ungli pakrai of groom by dulhan's sister)
Wedding (Rasta Rukwai of groom by dulhan's brothers, Nikkah, Rukhsati, Saat suhagan sehra pehnai to dulhan, giving sadqa first time when dulhan enters in her new home, kheer khilai, rasta rukwai by groom's sister, picking dulhan, monh dekhai...)
Valima
Chonthi (Juta chupai by dulhan's sisters)

[muqawwee123]

Re: Marriage rituals

you know what happens at those places...don't you? they do violate Islamic principles. you know that these days those peer o murshids are nothing more than chhaR lamanDli bahroopiye. going to them and acting upon their instructions will constitute a sin....why can't you do it yourself?

where does these peer o murshid came in this discussion. There are several customs in Indo-Pak marriages which are symbolic and doesn't have to do anything with the sin or going against the principles of faith.

Like there is this custom in many communities that bride is asked to cook some meetha (kheer) when she starts cooking in in-laws.

When a bride visits relatives, she is given some gifts / money (we call it ghar aayo in Sindhi).

There are many customs which are not against faith. Like in OP oiling the doors is not a sin... Its a common practice to avoid noise created by old doors. Nowadays, people built new homes or at least renovate before wedding. In old times, not everyone was making a separate home (due to prevalent joint family system) and therefore they white-wash their homes and oiled old doors. Nothing sinful in that.

[mahool]

Re: Marriage rituals

you know what happens at those places...don't you? they do violate Islamic principles. you know that these days those peer o murshids are nothing more than chhaR lamanDli bahroopiye. going to them and acting upon their instructions will constitute a sin....why can't you do it yourself?

sawal chana, jawab gandum...

[LP]

Re: Marriage rituals

Rukhsati, munh dikhaye (the one where husband gives wife a gift) and valima.

[ZeeLu]

Re: Marriage rituals

The reason rituals such as putting oil on the gate (First time i've heard that), or doodh pilayee or anything such as that are not allowed in Islam precisely because they are not Islamic practices. It is things like these that develop into beliefs and norms of the society after a while. For example putting the Qur'an over the heads of the bride during rukhsati like it's some Sunnah or a way of getting sawab, barkat or something like that for the couples new life, yada yada yada, ask anyone if they know why they place the Qur'an over the heads of the brides, they come up with their "own" interpretation and not an "actual" Sunnah or Hadith, but even though no one has a clue about it we "Religiously" practice this in every wedding like it's the most Islamic thing to do and the rukhsati would be haraam without it.

In short the problem is not that people do these things, the problem is they do it in the name of Islam.

I am not going to debate over what's Sunnah and what isn't, because people in this country debate, no actually they argue without any backings or authentic citations to prove their clearly misguided beliefs handed-down-by-their-hindu-or-indian-ancestors to them. Also because people here argue only for the sake of arguing rather than getting to an agreeable point, or at least accepting that yes you've learnt something out of the debate.

So Conclusion?

Do whatever you want to do, just make sure you spell it out to everyone that what you're doing (joota chupaee, mehndi ki raat, doodh pilaee, putting oil on the doors etc) is not Islamic but ONLY CULTURAL. So people know that these rituals/rasms/events have no significance in Islam and there is no sawab coming out of these events. That way, no one can tell you that you're actually misleading, misguiding and doing a sin by promoting biddah (which means adding something new in Islam, like say placing the Qur'an over the heads) amongst people.

P.S. If you disagree and would like to let me know, then please try (i know it's difficult) but try to keep it civilized and not resort to textual violence, lol, oh and don't even try without authentic religious backings.

Peace Out (:

[muqawwee123]

Re: Marriage rituals

@ZeeLu

The reason rituals such as putting oil on the gate (First time i've heard that), or doodh pilayee or anything such as that are not allowed in Islam precisely because they are not Islamic practices. It is things like these that develop into beliefs and norms of the society after a while. For example putting the Qur'an over the heads of the bride during rukhsati like it's some Sunnah or a way of getting sawab, barkat or something like that for the couples new life, yada yada yada, ask anyone if they know why they place the Qur'an over the heads of the brides, they come up with their "own" interpretation and not an "actual" Sunnah or Hadith, but even though no one has a clue about it we "Religiously" practice this in every wedding like it's the most Islamic thing to do and the rukhsati would be haraam without it.

In short the problem is not that people do these things, the problem is they do it in the name of Islam.

I am not going to debate over what's Sunnah and what isn't, because people in this country debate, no actually they argue without any backings or authentic citations to prove their clearly misguided beliefs handed-down-by-their-hindu-or-indian-ancestors to them. Also because people here argue only for the sake of arguing rather than getting to an agreeable point, or at least accepting that yes you've learnt something out of the debate.

So Conclusion?

Do whatever you want to do, just make sure you spell it out to everyone that what you're doing (joota chupaee, mehndi ki raat, doodh pilaee, putting oil on the doors etc) is not Islamic but ONLY CULTURAL. So people know that these rituals/rasms/events have no significance in Islam and there is no sawab coming out of these events. That way, no one can tell you that you're actually misleading, misguiding and doing a sin by promoting biddah (which means adding something new in Islam, like say placing the Qur'an over the heads) amongst people.

P.S. If you disagree and would like to let me know, then please try (i know it's difficult) but try to keep it civilized and not resort to textual violence, lol, oh and don't even try without authentic religious backings.

Peace Out (:

Good points, but unfortunately OP was not asking for whether marriage rituals are Islamic or un-Islamic. To be honest, its beyond scope of this sub-forum as we got another sub-forum R&S for that.

PS: You are always welcome to comment on topic, without caring that someone through textual insults on you for expressing your views. We are here to monitor such behavior.

[KKF]

Re: Marriage rituals

where does these peer o murshid came in this discussion. There are several customs in Indo-Pak marriages which are symbolic and doesn't have to do anything with the sin or going against the principles of faith.

Like there is this custom in many communities that bride is asked to cook some meetha (kheer) when she starts cooking in in-laws.

When a bride visits relatives, she is given some gifts / money (we call it ghar aayo in Sindhi).

There are many customs which are not against faith. Like in OP oiling the doors is not a sin... Its a common practice to avoid noise created by old doors. Nowadays, people built new homes or at least renovate before wedding. In old times, not everyone was making a separate home (due to prevalent joint family system) and therefore they white-wash their homes and oiled old doors. Nothing sinful in that.

@mahool

sawal chana, jawab gandum...

oops! sorry yaaro, i posted my cooments in the wrong thread...it was meant for another thread in which a Gappan asked about her sick sister-in-law whom she wanted to take to a peer saab for treatment.

Muqwee, can you please move my post to that thread please. thank you! :)

[muqawwee123]

Re: Marriage rituals

Lols. Can we keep it.. as it will disturb flow of the discussion.

[KKF]

Re: Marriage rituals

Lols. Can we keep it.. as it will disturb flow of the discussion.

oh ok...sure! :)

sawaal gandum jawaab chanaa...inhiiN mauq'oN ke liye shaayad banaa thaa lol

[Cashmere]

Re: Marriage rituals

@muqawwee123

Is it in Punjabi culture?

I think this used to be follwed in Sindhi community as well

**Yes it is punjabi culture for sure. **

@mahool

Mayon (Naat, Ubtan…)
Mehndi (Songs, Ungli pakrai of groom by dulhan’s sister)
Wedding (Rasta Rukwai of groom by dulhan’s brothers, Nikkah, Rukhsati, Saat suhagan sehra pehnai to dulhan, giving sadqa first time when dulhan enters in her new home, kheer khilai, rasta rukwai by groom’s sister, picking dulhan, monh dekhai…)
Valima
Chonthi (Juta chupai by dulhan’s sisters)

**Aww that’s cute I’d love to be a part of these. These kinds of rituals make weddings more fun!! **

@muqawwee123

Like there is this custom in many communities that bride is asked to cook some meetha (kheer) when she starts cooking in in-laws.

When a bride visits relatives, she is given some gifts / money (we call it ghar aayo in Sindhi).

There are many customs which are not against faith. Like in OP oiling the doors is not a sin… Its a common practice to avoid noise created by old doors. Nowadays, people built new homes or at least renovate before wedding. In old times, not everyone was making a separate home (due to prevalent joint family system) and therefore they white-wash their homes and oiled old doors. Nothing sinful in that.

**
Yeah I agree that these rituals have nothing to do with religion, and therefore are not ‘against’ religion either. I’ve also witnessed the new bride makes some sort of dessert as a part of her introductory cooking. Well you seem to be very knowledgable about this. I had no idea why they did all that oil stuff, but now I do. Thanks!
**

@ZeeLu

The reason rituals such as putting oil on the gate (First time i’ve heard that), or doodh pilayee or anything such as that are not allowed in Islam precisely because they are not Islamic practices. It is things like these that develop into beliefs and norms of the society after a while. For example putting the Qur’an over the heads of the bride during rukhsati like it’s some Sunnah or a way of getting sawab, barkat or something like that for the couples new life, yada yada yada, ask anyone if they know why they place the Qur’an over the heads of the brides, they come up with their “own” interpretation and not an “actual” Sunnah or Hadith, but even though no one has a clue about it we “Religiously” practice this in every wedding like it’s the most Islamic thing to do and the rukhsati would be haraam without it.

In short the problem is not that people do these things, the problem is they do it in the name of Islam.

I am not going to debate over what’s Sunnah and what isn’t, because people in this country debate, no actually they argue without any backings or authentic citations to prove their clearly misguided beliefs handed-down-by-their-hindu-or-indian-ancestors to them. Also because people here argue only for the sake of arguing rather than getting to an agreeable point, or at least accepting that yes you’ve learnt something out of the debate.

So Conclusion?

Do whatever you want to do, just make sure you spell it out to everyone that what you’re doing (joota chupaee, mehndi ki raat, doodh pilaee, putting oil on the doors etc) is not Islamic but ONLY CULTURAL. So people know that these rituals/rasms/events have no significance in Islam and there is no sawab coming out of these events. That way, no one can tell you that you’re actually misleading, misguiding and doing a sin by promoting biddah (which means adding something new in Islam, like say placing the Qur’an over the heads) amongst people.

Peace Out (:

I just wanted to know the kinds of indo-pak marriage traditions and stuff. Ofcourse they’re purely cultural. And people all over the world involve themselves in marriage rituals.** I find these things interesting and fun, I did not intend by any means, to start a religious discussion here.

Quran is also a part of the gift given by the bride’s parents. So as she walks, the Quran is placed over the head for blessings. And this belief somehow does correspond to our belief about how Quran brings bliss. Yes, I do agree with you on the fact that most people perform these rituals religiously, due to their ignorance of the religion itself. But others, including my family do these rituals **** [doodh pilayee, etc etc] ****merely for Fun.
**

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

oops! sorry yaaro, i posted my cooments in the wrong thread…it was meant for another thread in which a Gappan asked about her sick sister-in-law whom she wanted to take to a peer saab for treatment.

Muqwee, can you please move my post to that thread please. thank you!

**lol, funny how one post from your end threw off our discussion entirely So what kinds of rituals have you witnessed in your family? **

[Jolie]

Re: Marriage rituals

it's all nonsensical rasam and against Islamic belief system...it's a pagan ritual...we got so many rusoom from Hindus and it has no place in Islam. it constitutes a sin if done intentionally.

Isn't halloween also a pagan festival, we shouldn't celebrate that either, right?

[Cashmere]

Re: Marriage rituals

Isn't halloween also a pagan festival, we shouldn't celebrate that either, right?

I don't know what you mean by "we". As far as I'm concerned Muslims don't celebrate that either.