I wanted to know that if a girl gets marriage proposals and she says no to them…is it wrong? i mean if the idea of a partner be it looks or any other factors which doesn’t match her preferences then is saying no wrong? My mother says that if someone says no to the first marriage proposals that come to a girl might anger Allah and that its possible that not that good ones come her way or something like that…but all i remember or know for now is that according to the quran it is said that the girl should be asked whether she wants to go ahead with the marriage or not and thats it…nnothing about wrong or right..that might be the case if the girl has so many demands and asks for a lot in the guy she wants to marry but the idea lets say liking someone at first look or having a different image of the guy in her mind and the guy whose proposal whose come aren’t the same is not at all a wrong thing or is it?
Re: Marriage Proposals
I think you ask the girl if she is ok with it?
Re: Marriage Proposals
^ My question is that is it ok to say no to the first few proposals that come...for which ever reason...i have heard a lot of aunties saying that its kind of not appreciating and being thankful which might result in not that many good proposals coming that girls way...is it true?
Re: Marriage Proposals
^Surely your mother meant that denying an offer on the materialistic or shallow grounds is what is disliked by Allah (swt). No sane person would argue in favour of compelling a person to marry someone they will not be able to live a happy and healthy life with. And the religion of Allah (swt) is of course no different. Prophet (saww) asked Fatima (as) for her consent before giving her hand to Imam Ali (as), this despite hadiths stating that Allah (swt) Himself had ordained and approved the marriage between Fatima Zehra and Imam Ali.
Re: Marriage Proposals
You have the right to say no if you don't like the person for whatever reason.
^Surely your mother meant that denying an offer on the materialistic or shallow grounds is what is disliked by Allah (swt). No sane person would argue in favour of compelling a person to marry someone they will not be able to live a happy and healthy life with. And the religion of Allah (swt) is of course no different. Prophet (saww) asked Fatima (as) for her consent before giving her hand to Imam Ali (as), this despite hadiths stating that Allah (swt) Himself had ordained and approved the marriage between Fatima Zehra and Imam Ali.
and what if its not materialistic reasons either...all the guys are well educated and have really good jobs, come from well off decent families but its just that you still have some doubts...and you seem to have created this image of someone in your heart/mind and you want the guy to be somewhat similar to that image...and lets say you seem to have been interested in someone else you know you can't get that person so you just want someone slightly similar...to be on the safe side.
Re: Marriage Proposals
^well, for instance, if she does not find the guy attractive, then she reserves the right to say 'NO' to the proposal. Think about the example I gave you in the last post about Prophet (saww) and his daughter. Prophet (saww) knew Imam Ali (as) very closely, infact he had brought him up himself. Yet, despite the Prophet (saww) knowing the good qualities of Imam Ali (as), he still asked his daughter if she was happy to take him as her husband. Thus, it is obligatory for the nikkah reader to ask for the girl's consent in front of the witnesses so that everybody knows that she is giving her consent to the marriage contract willingly and happily.
Having said that, if a girl is turning down an offer for a guy who makes a reasonable match for her, or if she has unrealistic expectations or demands than either the parents or some one from the family needs to talk to her and help her make the right decision.
Re: Marriage Proposals
Oh ok fair enough...thanks a lot...this really helped.
One more question though what if the mother is a tiny bit confused herself and she is looking at her daughter to either agree with her or say yes since she is the one who has to get married in the end...but then there is some pressure from here and there to say yes so the mother keeps on changing tracks...
Re: Marriage Proposals
^How can I possibly even attempt to answer that when I know nothing about this family's dynamics, values, background etc?
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I don't know myself...that's why i asked you :) Blush
Everyone (man or woman) has the right to say yes or no to the proposal. It is no rocket science.
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^ There were some religious concerns that's why i asked...