I am already married and living happily ever after :alhamd: I have three angel like kids . :mash:
So what is the problem ?
The problem as I see is that most ( emphasis is on most here ) families of boys and girls and most boys and girls consider marriage as a bargaining chip , a crutch , a chance to start a comfortable life (I will explain it in a bit), a way to get wealthy , a way to give boost to career , a way for add to material possessions.
Marriage is no more about starting a new family and companionship. It is not thought as a way for settling down and live a family life.
Girls and their families look for a guy who is well settled in life , has already achieved some high position in his career. If he is not well placed his father , brother or family should be well placed.
Average Joe is not good enough for them , they do not want to wait for the boy to struggle to achieve his goals and make their daughter suffer in the process.
On the flip side the boys and their families are looking for a girl who’s family is in foreign country , or her family is well placed who can help in furthering career of the boy.
If all these people lower their expectations and think as the originator of the thread said "i want to get married. want to have kids ", then getting married should not be a big problem.
What do you say ?
true...its part of the rat race we are all in, its justified as being ambitious and goal oriented, to look for a shortcut to fame and fortune rather than good old-fashioned hard work and patience.
For me, personally I would feel a bit wierd if my husband already had everything prior to me walking into his life. I wouldnt feel like any of his things are mine. I actually want US (I know, Im crazy) to earn/build our lives together. I want to help him because at that point, I can really feel like its a marriage and Im not some trophy wife. Kwim?
If he has already accomplished all of his goals by the time I meet him, it feels like he is just using me to complete his pretty little picture. I hope Im making sense here. The perfect education, house, car, parents, job and now all I need is a pretty wife!
I don't think its a new thing...I mean that's what I recall my grandparents were looking at when arranging marriage for my aunts and uncles some 20 years ago! That's what my mom says is important now...I feel its the ABCD kinds here who want to marry for love or mutual understanding. Even now when I hear the auties talk its always a nice doctor and the girl whoudl be fair and also educated.
For me, personally I would feel a bit wierd if my husband already had everything prior to me walking into his life. I wouldnt feel like any of his things are mine. I actually want US (I know, Im crazy) to earn/build our lives together. I want to help him because at that point, I can really feel like its a marriage and Im not some trophy wife. Kwim?
If he has already accomplished all of his goals by the time I meet him, it feels like he is just using me to complete his pretty little picture. I hope Im making sense here. The perfect education, house, car, parents, job and now all I need is a pretty wife!
If he has already accomplished all of his goals by the time I meet him, it feels like he is just using me to complete his pretty little picture. I hope Im making sense here. The perfect education, house, car, parents, job and now all I need is a pretty wife!
ab apnay moonh mian mithoo bannay ki zaroorat naheen hai :p
Mirch very very very good points. I frankly get tired of guys and girls complainign that they cant fnd someone while their college buddies, colleagues, siblings, neighbours find matches.
its an expectations issue and ppl should stop with the friggin bollywood flicks already. I have had to tell some of my pals that i cant help them because they are just too picky, and being picky about lame stuff.
girls (or their families) want guys who are loaded, but then when the girls dont meet these guys (or their familes) expectations of how slim, fair or pretty the girl is then the guys became morons, and vice versa. my view is that hey, in this 'barter' your 'goods' were not deemed worthy as an exchange by the other party, but that party's goods are the ones that you valued anyways.
and that mon ami, is simply the wrng way to do it, yes we live in a real world and financial stability and beauty are factors, but when they end up being some impossible expectations all parties have issues, egos get in the way, feelings get hurt.
ppl need to grow up, and so do their marriage age kids :D
hmm i agree with thread started although would like to add that shallowness is part of a problem as well. in my experience i have witnessed it more in guys than girls , back home some of them are moronic enough to be an incredible a$$ to their wives after marriage for not being gorgeous enuff. and some of them , in my close observation have been concerned about status of girl's family even when they r not expecting to prize money from in laws. these guys are usually self made and dont intend in laws to suppor them yet they are self conscious about marrying a girl that doesnt fall into upper or upper middle class.Things like 'well i cant take a barat to a govt quarter?'shabby house is a downfall for the frnds and family and image building?' why dont you book a hall? and why not a get decors as well? so is it any surprised once they are married they are crying all women want is money!if you get into a relationship with superfical expectations it is going to come back and bit you and sooner rather than later.
Well threads like this yoke , some how persuade you writing about your personal life and I don’t like such threads yanking my chain . As some how in life You can't have cake and the topping, too.