SO…many of the posters here are at thepoint of finding the right shaadis, newly married and/or just starting their families.
Have you (either husband or wife) ever considered how your partner would react to and/or handle having a special-needs child? Would your spouse deny, avoid and try to hide a handicap in the hope that it will just go away?
The thing is…sure you can go for genetic testing. This will reveal the obvious and known genetic errors. But the majority of childhood disorders like autism spectrum disorders, pervasive developmental disorders and sensory processing disorders are not yet mapped (if indeed they even are genetic errors to begin with). And in mypersonal opinion, homosexuality is determined at conception which if that IS the case…
How would you and spouse handle it? Do you have a spouse that would be beneifical and helpful or make your and the child’s life hell?
Did you consider this at all prior to marriage?
With the ever-increasing population of special-needs children and the explosion of those diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, do you think that this is an important thing to consider?
How many thing can people really predict and discuss before marriage?
I understand what you're saying but how many conversations can a potential couple really have about the unknown or unpredictable?
That being said, my kid is my kid. I love him/her and his father should too. Anything less then that is not acceptable nor needed. I am more then enough to care for my child.
As for it being something to consider before marriage...
Well, we have diabetes, high blood pressure, breast cancer and heart disease in my family. I might as well be alone for the rest of my life if my spouse started to use these factors in determining a future with me.
Reha,
I see what you're saying. I think I was too specific for something that should be more of a general question.
It looks to me like when seeking shaadi, both the guys and the gals dont consider the more important traits. In the west, marriage vows commonly have these elements in one form or another: In sickness and in health, for better and for worse, ffor richer and for poorer, till death do us part.
These are very good things to look at when seeking a mate. But I dont think these things are actually considered till after marriage. Sure, you cant imagine each and every possible thing that could go wrong or right...but considering things like what kind of parent would this potential shaadi make? What would he/she be like in a family crisis? What would he/she be like in a financial crisis? These things to me are as important or more so as family background, physical attraction and income.
Reha,
I see what you're saying. I think I was too specific for something that should be more of a general question.
It looks to me like when seeking shaadi, both the guys and the gals dont consider the more important traits. In the west, marriage vows commonly have these elements in one form or another: In sickness and in health, for better and for worse, ffor richer and for poorer, till death do us part.
These are very good things to look at when seeking a mate. But I dont think these things are actually considered till after marriage. Sure, you cant imagine each and every possible thing that could go wrong or right...but considering things like what kind of parent would this potential shaadi make? What would he/she be like in a family crisis? What would he/she be like in a financial crisis? These things to me are as important or more so as family background, physical attraction and income.
And I agree with you here wholeheartedly. If someone cannot prove to be a good friend or confidante before then chances are they wont be one after the I DO's either.
We consider chemistry, wealth, caste, social status and education. But none of these things really impact how a person will react in a time of crisis when their spouse needs them the most. There was a thread a little while ago about a girl who wanted to separate from her husband because he lost his job and couldn't afford to give her the kind of life she wanted anymore. He wasn't a bum, he was a victim of our sad economic state.
So, you're right when you say a person's less obvious qualities should be considered but then my question would be how to do it in a manner that is deemed okay in our society? Let's rule dating out for the time being because its not an option for most of us.
Reha,
I see what you're saying. I think I was too specific for something that should be more of a general question.
It looks to me like when seeking shaadi, both the guys and the gals dont consider the more important traits. In the west, marriage vows commonly have these elements in one form or another: In sickness and in health, for better and for worse, ffor richer and for poorer, till death do us part.
These are very good things to look at when seeking a mate. But I dont think these things are actually considered till after marriage. Sure, you cant imagine each and every possible thing that could go wrong or right...but considering things like what kind of parent would this potential shaadi make? What would he/she be like in a family crisis? What would he/she be like in a financial crisis? These things to me are as important or more so as family background, physical attraction and income.
And I agree with you here wholeheartedly. If someone cannot prove to be a good friend or confidante before then chances are they wont be one after the I DO's either.
We consider chemistry, wealth, caste, social status and education. But none of these things really impact how a person will react in a time of crisis when their spouse needs them the most. There was a thread a little while ago about a girl who wanted to separate from her husband because he lost his job and couldn't afford to give her the kind of life she wanted anymore. He wasn't a bum, he was a victim of our sad economic state.
So, you're right when you say a person's less obvious qualities should be considered but then my question would be how to do it in a manner that is deemed okay in our society? Let's rule dating out for the time being because its not an option for most of us.
So, you're right when you say a person's less obvious qualities should be considered but then my question would be how to do it in a manner that is deemed okay in our society? Let's rule dating out for the time being because its not an option for most of us.
thats a tough one Reha. I guess if the parents are really in-tune with their kids and know what type of person has the right qualities then no problem. But all too often it seems that family alliances, status and income and physical traits are more heavily considered than the less obvious ones which would better define who would make the best spouse.
But even in completely arranged marriages, dont the couple get to sit and talk together a little? And cant they ask questions of each other even if its through an intermediary? And wouldnt this be something to push for considering its importance? I mean, I keep seeing threads on potential rishtas who are too tall or not tall enough, who dont make enough money or are not physically jaw-droppingly gorgeous and I just find this disturbing because those things should be on the "list" but way, far at the bottom.